Sometimes I want a baby so bad I feel I will die of it. It's the worst kind of craving. Crippling. I don't know what else to call it. When I tell him he tells me to sleep on it or give it a few days. And that will usually make it go away. Like waking up from a dream.
Of course all this is new. The prospect of motherhood used to terrify me. I always liked kids in a detached sort of way. The idea of me with kids was just not real. Having kids was something that other people did while I cheered them on & bought them gifts & spoilt their babies. I couldn't see myself as the heroine of such a piece - only as a spectator.
When we got married my husband & I agreed to talk about kids in 2 years time. As is his habit he had a plan. And as is my habit I had none.
Just before the wedding he'd renewed his contract in UAE for 2 years. But I knew that he'd never been happy here. He still isn't. My husband hates it here. So his plan was that in 2 years time we'd move to Sweden. And start a family there. I'd need time to learn Swedish & restart my career etc....so I could stay home with the baby while I do that.
I remember feeling daunted by all that. Huge changes. A new country, a new language, a new career & motherhood. It was all too much to take in. I said that & he said it's ok I'd have 2 years to prepare thereby giving me an excuse to procrastinate & avoid making an immediate decision on any of those points. Me my personal motto has always been never decide today what you can decide tomorrow & never decide tomorrow what you can avoid deciding altogether. Besides at that time I was in the middle of pre-wedding hysteria & I wasn't convinced that there was life after the wedding day.
All I remember saying was that we shouldn't set anything in stone, that we should wait 2 years & then talk about all those things, babies included, that we don't know how we'll feel in 2 years time or where things will stand etc... He didn't see that for it was. A cop-out. I think he took it as agreement at least in principle.
So what changed? Mainly I had a miscarriage. And so now am getting these attacks of maternal longing with increasing frequency. And I get another type of attack. Panic attacks. Fear of miscarrying again. Fear of never becoming a mother.
So here we clash - me & him. He thought we had a plan & my husband is not the kind of person who enjoys having his plans overset without a good reason. And he feels very strongly against having a child here, that it will somehow tie him to this place that he really dislikes because moving with children born outside Sweden from a marriage that took place outside Sweden will apparently mean more complicated paperwork & we might somehow end up having to stay here longer than he can stand. Added to which he also feels that it's too early, we just got married, we're both busy & what little free time we have we should focus on each other etc.....
Basically his mind up is made up & while I can't seem to win the argument & dispute his reasoning I also can't seem to help the way I feel. Yes I didn't always feel the way I feel now & yes at one time I might have seemed to go along with something different. And no I shouldn't need a team of legal experts & cast-iron arguments to make my own husband understand that losing our baby might have changed my priorities.
Tonight he said - among other things - that I was on the rebound, that I was starting to develop an unhealthy obssessive attitude to this motherhood issue & that I should stop seeing the miscarriage as some sort of failed project that I need to make up for with a new project. I HATE it when he does that, when he takes it upon himself to tell me what I think & feel especially when he sounds so cold & unpleasant about it. And we had a fight. If one can call it that.
He made what I considered to be insensitive comments about something I happen to be feeling particularly sensitive about. I lost my temper & started yelling. He tried to get me to calm down. He failed so he lost his temper & slammed out of the house. I started calling frantically. He didn't pick up. I messaged that I get worried when he does that. He called to tell me I don't need to worry about him because he's an adult & that he's actually worried about me in a tone of voice that implied am not an adult.
Now it's almost 1:00 am & he's still out. We've been through this before. He'll come back & say it's late & we need to get some rest. Then he'll go to sleep & I'll be up all night fuming. Tonight he's made me so angry that am actually considering going ahead & getting pregnant whether he likes it or not. It's not like I need his permission. If this is what I get when I try to talk to him then maybe I shouldn't bother. Maybe I should just do what I want.
Labels: Marriage, Motherhood
posted by LouLou @ 11:56 PM
41 Comments:
Be careful Loulou.
Definitely better to procrastinate then make big decisions in anger.
Ask yourself, will he change his mind and how will you feel if he doesn't?
to2 to2 to2 ...
Dear Loulou,
I am totally agree with Safiya, first don’t take a decision when you are angry and too emotional as that doesn’t help to see the picture independently.
Its hard to suggest something in here, as I understand what you want and what he wants also need to be counted.
Having a baby without letting him know will be I think the biggest mistake you can do here which will cause more fights and substance of it will be that you fooled him. Having Baby is a decision that two people should take together.
Regarding your “attacks of maternal longing” may be you take some time off, vacation and try to distract yourself and go back to your normal track?
And the is the other way which I suggest and would do if I were you is to try to compromise him and explain that u understand his wish with 2yrs and you respect his decision, but there are some things going on in your mind and physiology after miscarriage and that you have changed, the view on life has changed as long as your priorities in life. And you don’t know what to do with it and how to solve it since you are “between two fire places” (your wish for baby and his wish to wait, which is surely count) and u need his help and understanding. Let him think and solve the problem, tell him that u never faced that and u don’t know what to do. You have this problem and he should solve it to make you happy since you are all playing in one team. I am sure he will understand and will try to help by finding for both convenient decision. You are playing in one team, there is no need to be separated into 2 camps which goes head to head.
I don’t know about whether it’s a good decision but what if to have one baby in UAE and the other one in Sweden? Will it be difficult to move there with one kid?
But I strongly suggest to talk to him in calm situation and make him know what you feel about the whole thing.
Loulou, everything for the best, inshallah. I wish you good luck and be strong.
Puppy.
Lou, a child should never be a reason for fights. You now feel ready to be a mother, probably caused by the miscarriage or maybe not, however K might not be ready for it...Also, from what I have seen around me, children early in the marriage when there is hardly any time for both of you is really not a good idea.
Also, I am the type that believes a child needs both of his/her parents, meaning it needs a strong, healthy relationship with both. So why should K see his baby like something imposed on him, an impediment on the life he wanted?
I am sure you both want what is best for yourselves and for your future babies and you will work out something to please you both. You should just try to talk lightly, without getting angry. It is normal for a man to think what you are feeling is a little obsession as you are driven by you feelings, not your mind. It is also normal for you to feel this craving. But do you really think having a baby just to fill a craving and to get rid of a fear of miscarriage is the best choice you can make in what timing for a baby is concerned?
I might be just blabing here and I certainly can only imagine what it feels like...But stop for a second to calmly consider everything. I am sure you will chose the best way, even if others don't see it as such :)
LouLou, you remind me of myself so much! I had a miscarriage last Sept. and I am experiencing the same exact feelings as you. I didn't want children before really - I had that detached feeling like you, but now, I seem to go thru little panic attacks like you over it and such. My husband wants to wait as well, but my clock is ticking in a big way and I feel scared. I fear, like you, that I'll continue to have miscarriages and it'll never happen. I long for it on days and the pain is so intense that it hurts.
Don't make quick decisions because I agree... it could severely hurt your marriage. I have ppl telling me to just do it - they don't care about what the outcome is or what it could cause. A girl I know told me to do it on the sly, but I can't do it like that. I want it to be a happy and joyous occasion.
We got into a huge argument about it last week. I dropped it. I'm trying to look at it in a positive way... to take time for myself, to concentrate on things that I want to do and accomplish and such.
I also get scared like you because of the language. I don't speak Arabic fluently and all sorts of things stress me out over this.
Things will be ok. Sometimes it just takes a little while w/ guys. I think it's a frightening thing for them. Altho, it doesn't help when you want something so badly! You know?
So cute actually!
I second Safiya, you should agree together on what you are planning for ..it is all an agreement after all. I believe ISA that he will change his mind because he must be emotionally willing to be dad .. so try to discuss it with him later and reach to a compromised solution ..like wait for few more months where you will be almost reaching a year of marriage and another 9 months to go ISA.
maybe compromisement would be the best and who knows If GOD wants it to happen ..it will even if you are not planning like what happened with your miscarried baby wee rabena m3aki ISA
Lou, I understand what you're going through. It's really hard.
You have to keep in mind, as hard as it is, when you're bringing this up- that men do not share this maternal drive that we experience. They really do find it obsessive. Unfortunately, they cannot relate to it and it frightens them. Now that I've passed through this, my husband still tells me today that I was obsessed and irrational.
Whatever you do, in my opinion, do not go through with getting pregnant with a plan on your own. He may resent you and the baby, especially if he feels he's not ready for the drastic change- and it IS drastic and irreversible.
I hope things settle down in a way that relieves you. In shaa Allah having a miscarriage will have no effect on your ability to have a baby. I believe if it does pose a threat, your gyno could already predict that and would be able to give you some precautions.
I hope you feel better. :)
while really really understanding where you are coming from, his reasons for waiting are actually quite reasonable, so maybe just try to be patient.
i think the way he is dealing with your new feelings is what is bothering you alot and making you think like this, i bet if he takes the time to talk to you and convince you while showing his understanding you would probably not feel too frustrated. i guess this is his always practical approach to things... we have an agreement, then khalas what to talk about. that is just how he is, but who knows, a few soft words can go a much longer way than a fight. and when you do get pregnant ISA you would need his support, and doing it ghasb 3anno will not grant that at all.
God give you the patience and grant you your wish ISA.
Dearest Lou Lou,
Blogger just ate my comment, or at least I think it did so I apologize if I'm repeating myself.
First, having one miscarriage doesn't necessarily mean you'll have another. I understand your worry but most likely it was just a stroke of bad luck.
I know what it is to want a child so badly it hurts. I know that when the time comes you will be a loving and devoted mother. I also know that you and K will work this out. I trust that you will make the right decision for yourself.
On a side note, Sweden is a great country to have a child in--terrific state benefits.
My love to you.
Guess no one wants to help me to indulge my evil impulses. My mother says no. My two best offline friends say no. And all my virtual friends say no. Looks like all the women in my life think not. Can't go against all that female intuition & win right?
You're all right. It's a no-go. Not because of his rights because I couldn't care less about his rights at the moment. Infact I think it would serve him just right. But it wouldn't be fair to the baby. Babies should be loved & cuddled - not fought over.
Alina got that right.
tooners,
Sorry you're having to go through it too.:(
Miscarriages suck. And husbands who refuse to procreate immediately after miscarriages suck too. Big-time.
All the best.
doshar,
You're right. A little understanding from him might have helped. My mother made more or less the same points he did but I felt better after talking to her because she doesn't try to make me feel stupid for having feelings I really can't help.
And reading all the sympathy here also lifted me up a little.
haal,
Always good to see you blog-trotting again. Even if I don't get your comment.
Thanks everyone.
Hmm it seems I came in late on this post , but still I would like to ask you a question Loulou.
A few weeks ago you posted about getting a nanny ( the one passed on by your friends). I'm just wondering if you were planning on not having kids for 2 years and moving to Sweden, why in the first place did you accept the nanny and then had to find ways to get rid of her ? => it looks to me like you already knew you had no plans to have a baby in the UAE.
Anyway I understand your urge for the baby especially with the biological clock ticking and all that. I felt it before and thank God for Pearl . Though I would give half my life to have some more. But believe me it is better to wait when the situation is suitable then to get pregnant now. A baby is not the solution, not at this moment you need your wits about you as you are settling into a new life and learning to adjust to having a person in your life who is not your parents and siblings. It can be difficult until all the pieces of the puzzle fit , but your love and respect for each other will pull you true sweetie. Please remember that in a relationship both partners learn to compromise. K's only problem is that he thinks like a man ( since he is male ) , so sometimes he will not see things eye to eye. Listen to what your male friends advise you also , then know how a guy's brain ticks and they mean you all the best in the world my dear.
I have a request , although this is your own blog , please don't delete your old posts we love them all and the comments are irreplacable.
All the best to you my dear and kisses from me and baby Pearl all the way from North Africa XXXXXX
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E.t.c contact him on >>>>{GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM}.via his mobile number +2348066421534.
i am so so excited to share this testimony with everyone. i never really believed in spell casting nor magic whatsoever. i was so ignorant of the fact that one can really get pregnant by any means of spell casting. i am from Philippines, i am happily married with a new born baby(boy). i am 34 years old. i got married to my husband 7yrs ago and since then we have been battling with a problem of getting an issue. I was so frustrated as my husband threatened me of getting a new wife and his family members also threatened that i will be thrown out of the house. i looked for means everywhere but ought to no avail. to cut the long story short i contacted Priest Babaka the spell caster and today i am proud to say that i am a mother with the help of Priest Babaka. contact him now and get yours solved via his Email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com
How to get your ex back...
THE GREAT Dr erigo WHO BROUGHT MY HUSBAND BACK TO ME IN JUST ONE DAY.
My name is MERCY WIDEN I live in Canada, and i got married four months ago. My husband and I have been living a very happy and lovely life. So as time went on, I began to notice this strange attitude that he was possessing. He was now going out with other girls, to the extent that he was no longer picking up my calls, and he was not even sleeping in the house anymore. I became confused and didn't know what to do anymore. So i became worried and stranded, that brought so many thoughts into my mind, because I have never experienced a thing like this before in my life.
So I decided to visit a spell caster, to see if he can help me out. So immediately I went to the internet, where I saw an amazing testimony of a spell caster who brought someone's ex lover back, "Dr erigo" so I contacted him immediately and I explained to him all my problems and he told me that it will be very easy for him to solve, compare to the ones that he has done before. And he also gave me some proof to be really sure of his work, and he assured me that my husband will come back to me immediately he is through with the spell casting. And also he told me to put all my trust in him, and I really obeyed him. So it was 8:00 am on the next morning, when I was about going to work, when i received my husband's call, and he told me that he was coming back home, and he apologized to me, and told me that he is very sorry for the pain that he has cost me. And after some hours later, he really came back home, and that was how we continued our marriage with lots of love and happiness, and our love was now stronger than how it were before.
Moreso, he also told me that once my heart desire has been granted unto me that i should go and testify of his work right here on the internet. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth today as I am writing this testimony, and I want to really thank "Dr erigo" for bringing back my husband, and for bringing joy and love to my family. So my greatest advice for you out there who your husband or your wife is acting strange or behaving the same way like this, or you have any problem with your relationship or anything related to do with spell casting, is for you to go and visit this man anytime, and i assure you that he will be of help to you, and I am 100% sure that he will solve it out.
CONTACT HIM NOW ON THIS
Email; Erigospellcaster@gmail.com
Hello am Laura from the united state, i read some testimony about Dr okuku on how he has helped people in bringing back there ex within 48hours i was just thinking if that was real,And decided to call a lady who made a testimony and also dropped her number,So i called her and ask her about Dr okuku she said Dr okuku is a trustworthy man and he his ready to bring back my lover for me,i was just so happy and a little bit relief that my lover will be back to me soon,Then i decided in contacting Dr okuku which i did,And before i could share him my problem he has already told me what i came for,And he said everything will be okay within 48hours that my lover will be back to my arms,So he said he would be casting the spell and that within 48hours my lover would call me,So i hoped so truly before the 48hours i got a call from a man who has left me for the past 6years saying he is sorry and he wants me back,i was happy and i said i also want him back,Then i travelled to Canada to meet him up,And he apologized for what he has done to me now he proposed to marry me and we are both preparing for our wedding soon,All thanks to the great and World best spell caster, Dr okuku His private mail (okukulovespell@gmail.com)
he is helping to fixed problems on:
1 HIV/aids spell)
2 low sperm spell
3.Getting your lover or husband back
4. Money spell
5. Long life spell
6. Prosperity spell
7. Protection spell
8. Get a good job spell
9. Becoming a manager in your work spell
10. if you want a Child spell
11. Pregnancy spell
12. Freedom spell
13. Love spell
14. Success or pass spell
15. Marriage spell
16. Avenging spell
17. Popularity spell
18. Killing spell
19. Cancer spell
20. Madness spell
21. Production spell of films and movie
22. Hiv/aids spell
23. Tuberculosis spell
24. Loose weight and body spell
25 ELECTION WINNING SPELLS
26 SUCCESS IN EXAMS SPELLS
27 Business spell.
Win a difficult case in court spell and many more.
Contact hem of any of these today at:
(okukulovespell@gmail.com) His await your urgent response
Or call hem on (+2347063836098) or add hem on whatsapp or in viber!
hello to the everybody out there i am landon rondon from the usa and i am going to tell you the story of a powerful man DR AREWA of arewalovespelltemple@yahoo.com he is so powerful and respectful and diligent in his services he fulfills his promises always and his works are power as he restored love to my broken home, my wife and quareled over a little matter and it led to break up but i loved my wife and wanted her back so i contacted DR AREWA after i have tried so many ways without avail i told him what had happened and he said that i shouldn't worry that everything is gonna be alright and that my wife is gonna come back to me and love me more he kept his promise and brought my wife back to me he is really a genius you can contact him for help also on arewalovespelltemple@yahoo.com thanks
get your problem solve once and for all.i am
living testimony to it.
(1) If you need your ex back.
(2)if you need cure for hiv disease
(3)if you need cure for skin disease
(4)if you need cure for Ebola virus.
(5)if you need cure obesity disease
(6) if you always have bad dreams.
(7) You want to be promoted in your office.
(8) You want women/men to run after you.
(9) If you want a child.
(10) You want to be rich.
(11) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(12) If you need financial assistance.
(13) How you been scammed and you want
to recover you lost money.
(14)if you want to stop your divorce.
(15)if you want to divorce your husband.
(16)if you want your wishes to be granted.
(17)to protect your child four the hands of enemy
contact. kakutaspellz@gmail.com or call +2348168199202
My life became devastated when my husband sent me packing, after 8 years that we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to make my husband take me back. One day at work, i was absent minded not knowing that my boss was calling me, so he sat and asked me what its was all about i told him and he smiled and said that it was not a problem. I never understand what he meant by it wasn't a problem getting my husband back, he said he used a spell to get his wife back when she left him for another man and now they are together till date and at first i was shocked hearing such thing from my boss. He gave me an email address of the great spell caster who helped him get his wife back, i never believed this would work but i had no choice that to get in contact with the spell caster which i did, and he requested for my information and that of my husband to enable him cast the spell and i sent him the details, but after two days, my mom called me that my husband came pleading that he wants me back, i never believed it because it was just like a dream and i had to rush down to my mothers place and to my greatest surprise, my husband was kneeling before me pleading for forgiveness that he wants me and the kid back home, then i gave Happy a call regarding sudden change of my husband and he made it clear to me that my husband will love me till the end of the world, that he will never leave my sight. Now me and my husband is back together again and has started doing pleasant things he hasn't done before, he makes me happy and do what he is suppose to do as a man without nagging. Please if you need help of any kind, kindly contact Happy for help and you can reach him via email: happylovespell2@gmail.com
My Name is Leon Adrian. I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the love site cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 3 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 2 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too,This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him on this e-mail; happylovespell2@gmail.com
Michael Barbara glory be to God finally i made it with the help of Michael roots and herbs which was recommended by a lady in baby center he help before,i never believe it was real until i confirm it now because i have tried so many things to make sure i get pregnant but no luck, immediately i contact Michael that was recommended by a lady with the roots and herbs of Michael i got pregnant one month after using the root and herbs that was giving to me by Michael so i want to use this media to thank and recommend Michael for all stander out there trying to conceive.email him for help too he is real i have confirm it.contact of him via : michaelherbtermple@yahoo.com +2348143158368
Hello Everybody,
My name is Mrs Sharon Sim. I live in Singapore and i am a happy woman today? and i told my self that any lender that rescue my family from our poor situation, i will refer any person that is looking for loan to him, he gave me happiness to me and my family, i was in need of a loan of S$250,000.00 to start my life all over as i am a single mother with 3 kids I met this honest and GOD fearing man loan lender that help me with a loan of S$250,000.00 SG. Dollar, he is a GOD fearing man, if you are in need of loan and you will pay back the loan please contact him tell him that is Mrs Sharon, that refer you to him. contact Dr Purva Pius,via email:(urgentloan22@gmail.com) Thank you.
BORROWERS APPLICATION DETAILS
1. Name Of Applicant in Full:……..
2. Telephone Numbers:……….
3. Address and Location:…….
4. Amount in request………..
5. Repayment Period:………..
6. Purpose Of Loan………….
7. country…………………
8. phone…………………..
9. occupation………………
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11.Monthly Income…………..
12.Email……………..
Regards.
Managements
Email Kindly Contact: urgentloan22@gmail.com
Hello, I'm here to introduce someone to you all, his name is Dr.Ekpen Temple a spell caster that help me restored my broken relationship, I saw an article on the Internet someone talking about him how he help her in her relationship, today I'm a beneficial of that article, so that is why I'm also talking about how he has helped me so that someone out there that is facing the same challenge can also contact him for help. Here is DR EKPEN TEMPLE contact info: ekpentemple@gmail.com or on Whatsapp number +2347050270218.
shout it louder,go out and reach others who have not heard of it .it is real Dr Natasha HERBAL Center is really doing a great works within and outside just try it and you will testify just as i am testifying now, My name is Juliet Scott from London i have this infection that lead to womb blockage and there was no hope at all the hospital i went said nothing but that there on hope for 4 years that i have waited no child then i came across Dr Natasha HERBAL Center now and she is a wonderful native herbalist who told me she can do it but i was scared because she was a lady but since i had no child i have to comply with the rules and regulation and now am carrying my child just try it and see your time to celebrate has come . you can reach Dr Natasha HERBAL Center via email : pregnancyherbs@gmail.com pregnancyherbs@gmail.com
Hey are you crying that your wife has left you and the kids for another man, you don't have to cry anymore because i was in the same position till i heard about Dr UZOYA how he has help so many people in their relationship today i can boldly recommend Dr,UZOYA to anyone who need help. He did not fail me i also believe he can not fail you too. he is indeed a miracle worker.I have tried so many spell casters and psychic after my lover left me. Dr UZOYA was the only spell caster who could help me..For sure this is really a prosperity temple where you can get back your ex lover. Dr UZOYA cast a love spell and my wife changed for good, he made her a better woman and distanced all her secret lovers. I am happy to have a united family, it couldn't be possible without the effort of Dr UZOYA . My wife is back with full of love and sincerity. Make contact with Dr UZOYA for relationship help Email him at;
driraborspellcaster@gmail.com or call him on +1 (301) 909 8775. and share a wonderful testimony just like me.
Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him +2348143581382 if you seek his help.
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