Have You Ever Been Hit?
Have you ever been hit by a man? The question was thrown at me in the middle of a conversation during which, unlike everyone else present, I couldn't express much sympathy for a girl we know who keeps going back to an abusive fiance. And then D added that no fights with my brothers when we were little don't count.
Fights with my brothers? When I was 8 yrs old & my brother A. was about 12 we got into a fight & I jumped on him. Was trying to punch or scratch him in the face & anywhere else he would let me. My father came running & picked me up off him. He yelled at both of us which my brother thought was unfair because I was the one who started it & all he did was defend himself etc.....That night my father came into my room at bedtime & gave me a long lecture about how I should never hit my brothers because if I hit them often enough they might hit me back & it's very bad for men to get used to hitting women.
My parents always hated it when we fought. They considered it disrespectful to them for us to yell at each or call each other names in their presence. You were guaranteed that neither one of my parents would speak to you for weeks if you did that. Sometimes Mama would start crying & saying things like if we hate each other now what will we do after she & my father are dead & make it sound like we were all doomed to commit fratricide before we're much older etc...Needless to say, that was a pain & we all tried to avoid it at all costs.
But that one time because the fight got physical I think we spooked my parents so much that instead of not talking to us or crying, they kept taking turns lecturing us about anger & violence & their consequences etc...all the time to the point where we both wanted to scream ok fine we get the message, leave us alone already!
So no my brothers would not hit me. When I was in the US, I would sometimes say I can't do something because my brother would kill me & then be startled when some people seemed to take that to mean I was physically afraid of him. It made me angry actually because I love my brother & they made him sound like someone he wasn't & would never be.
I wasn't going to say it to anyone in the group I was with. It's something I haven't thought about in years. But yes I have been hit by a man. My ex once hit me so hard I fell down & threw up all over his shoes. And he did it because I slapped him & he wanted to teach me my place I guess.
So is it like some sort of medal I need to have in order to be allowed to express the opinion that you should not allow yourself to be abused? I hate it when people tell me I shouldn't talk because 'I don't know what it's like'. How do they know I don't?
Whatever. I didn't tell them.