Yesterday & Today
Me: Are you trying to upset me?
Him: No I can't afford to upset you.
Me: Why not?
Him: I like to eat & I like to get laid. Both on a regular basis.
Him: 3iyoon K.(A term of endearment meaning am dearer to him than his eyesight.)
Me: What did other women ever see in you?
Him: It would take me so long to tell you that you wouldn't have time to cook my dinner.
Me(rolling my eyes): That's it? That's all I mean to you?
Him: Howa feeh ba3d kida?(What more do you want?) You women don't know your own power.
Me: After all we've been through? After everything I did for you?
Him: Ah sa7ee7 mana(Yeah right and me) I never did anything for you.
Me: The man I love. The man I gave my heart to. And he just wants me for food & sex.
Him(groaning): Ya di elneila.(Not sure how to translate this. I guess it means oh damn.)
Me: Mnain ajeeb i7sas lily ma yi7is(A line from an Arabic song meaning where do I get feeling for someone who lacks feeling.). Ya bani adam lail nahar aqoolak a7ib ilard illy timshi 3laiha(Day & night I tell you I love the ground you walk on) & this is what I get?
Him: Imta da?(When was that?) Ana awil mara asma3 elkalam da.(That's the first I've heard of this)
Me: What?!!I tell I love you all the time you ungrateful bastard!
Him: La bas elshwiya elakhraneen dol gamdeen.(Yeah but that last bit was too much.) 7ilwa 7kayit elard wilbalat di(I like this ground stuff.).
Me: Khalas yassidi....
(Yassidi means "my lord/master" but it's used in casual conversation to be polite I guess & no one takes it that way.)
Him(cutting me off): Yassidi?(Out of sheer perversity he chooses to take it that way) La(no). Inti t2ooli 7adir, t2ooli na3am bas yassidi la(You tell me "yes" or "your wish is my command" but not yassidi). Mardahalkeesh(I wouldn't ask that of you).
Me: Shut up.
His cell rings. And I hear him tell someone: Wala 7aga(Oh nothing). Mirati 3amala t7ib feeya min taraf wa7id(My wife is indulging in one-sided love with me). La da min tarafha hiya(It's all from her side).
Me(trying to grab the phone from him but he's holding away): Meen?!!(who?)
We keep struggling & in the end he gives me the phone. I say hello & it's his brother.
His bro: 2ooliloh gatak khaibah.
Please O Ground open up & swallow me!!!
At a conference in the Emirates Plaza. We break for lunch. Am sitting in the lobby blogging on my laptop. I get up to go use the bathroom. When I come back some guy has my laptop in one hand & is picking up the case with the other. I go up to him & say excuse me. He says is this yours?I say yes. He says sorry, puts it down & walks off. I think he must be someone who works for the hotel & maybe I was sitting in the wrong place or laptops are not allowed or something. I go ask the receptionist & she says no. I wonder if maybe he got my laptop mixed up with his or something. It's still bugging me so I go back & ask the receptionist. She says no he didn't have a laptop with him, he doesn't work for the hotel and he's not staying. She said he's a walk-in guest.
I walk round looking for him but he's disappeared. I come back before someone else tries to steal my laptop.
Was that it?Was he trying to steal it?Does this sort of thing happen in Abu Dhabi?In a seven-star hotel?