Negotiations
Last night we went out for dinner with some friends. At first I didn't really feel like going because outings with my husband's friends tend to turn into shop talk a lot. I might have married a dentist but dentistry is really not my favorite topic of dinnertable conversation. That's one problem.
The other problem is that this particular group of his friends are all Swedish which means they forget themselves & lapse into Swedish sometimes. Conversations in languages I don't speak are definitely not my favorite dinnertable conversations.
The third problem is that people have been saying that me & him spend an unfashionable amount of time together. Married couples are really not supposed to live in each other's pockets all the time. These comments tend to come from his friends so I figured they think I don't let him out on his own or something. And this seemed like a good occasion to demonstrate that this is not the case.
However he really wanted me to go. Really. To the point that for the first time ever he said I'd do it if I loved him. Now I say that all the time & he pays no attention whatsoever. But me am all heart. I thought if he managed to bring himself to utter the L-word then he must really have his heart set on my company that night. So I agreed to negotiate the terms.
My first condition was that he would dance with me at least 4 songs. He thought one. We settled on 3.
My second condition was that I'd be allowed to bring my laptop along incase they want to speak about dentistry in Swedish. He thought that would be rude. I pointed out that it's rude when they talk about things that go over my head. He conceded I might have a point. Seeing an opening I decided to push my advantage & further point out that I was going to be one of 9 people & it's not right to restrict 8 people because of one - especially given the fact that some of them speak no Arabic & very little English & no French. So the win-win solution is for me to be armed with my laptop. He conceded again.
The venue was a bit on the upscale side so I deemed the occasion worthy of dressing up a bit. My first choice was a red satin top. One of my favorites. He said it looks like lingerie. I vehemently disagreed. It comes from Valentino & I think it looks very elegant - perfect for dressing up a pair of jeans. Added to which I've had it for years & no one ever said it looked like lingerie before. He said he still thinks red satin looks like lingerie & added that he would prefer that I not go out in public in my lingerie. I asked if he was really uncomfortable with it. He said really. I took a moment to consider. If I concede that it looks like lingerie that means I can't wear it anymore. Would I give up my red Valentino top without a fight? How many red Valentino tops does he think I have anyway? It's just one. He offered to buy me a red Valentino top that doesn't look like lingerie. Would I give up my red Valentino top from about a hundred seasons back for a free red Valentino top from the latest collection? Hell yes. Am a woman of principle. I said deal but I wanted a promise that we'd go shopping for the new top on the very next day. As in today. He said if I promise to wear red satin only for him from now on. What? For the rest of our life together? He said yes. I asked but won't you get bored? He said ok maybe not the rest of our life - just the rest of next week. I said I thought we could work something out there - with an image of the red satin sheets I got as one of my wedding presents in mind. It's a measure of the strength of his feelings on the subject that he agreed to go shopping with me for clothes of all things.
Having reached mutually satisfying arrangements on all points of contention we set out for the evening in a reasonably good mood.
The topic was not dentistry though. Not in the beginning. Most of the people present were single guys so the discussion turned to their search for female companionship in the beginning. It seems two of them have recently come to know that they have been hitting on the same girl. I watched openmouthed as first one of them & then the other said they were out. Huh? What just like that? I was arguing that they should let the girl choose who she wants. And they all looked at me like I just said something incredibly retarded & said no that wouldn't work. Why not???!!!I know I say all the time that I respect the fact that guys don't fight with their friends over us girls as much as we do over them but still the poor girl! To suddenly be dumped by both of them for something that wasn't her fault, that she didn't even know about!
My husband didn't really take sides on this one but he truly amazed me on the next one. One of the guys apparently went on a blind date with a girl who turned out to be the sister of another friend of theirs. He really likes the girl but decided that it was a no-go because he knows her brother. The guy was of Arab origin but come on he doesn't even speak Arabic. He's a third generation Scandinavian & he still thinks he can't date his friend's sister? When I pointed out that he was supposed to be enlightened enough to know that every girl is someone's sister & what difference does that make. Upon which he replied that yes they were enlightened & all but they still didn't screw their Arab friend's sisters.
Upon which my husband told him that he'd appreciate it if the guy didn't use that sort of language with his wife present. That's me. I said excuse me am old enough to speak up for myself if & when am offended & I wasn't. But the guy said he was sorry. It's like it doesn't matter if am offended - only if my husband is. Didn't want to be diverted by that though from the suggestion that he was looking for a girl to 'screw' & that only being his friend's sister saved that one. I mean what happened to mature, serious, loving relationships? I asked so if his friend was not an Arab it would be fine? He said if the friend wasn't an Arab he wouldn't care & he would just tell him.
And my husband agreed that the guy should lay off the girl. And didn't question the other bit at all. I asked him so if you knew my brother you would have dumped me? Upon which they all started picking on him for getting caught & turned the whole topic into a joke. And I didn't get a straight answer. Am planning to pretty soon though.
The girls present were all on my side. And I thought female politics were complex. Seriously how do guys remember all these rules?
Labels: Marriage
posted by LouLou @ 4:32 PM
17 Comments:
i don't know why you're surprised dude...of course it is assumed that he can speak for u, and be offended for you, and that they would apologise to him. to them, his offence is much more important than your offence...you're just the little woman. same with the issue of the friend's sister. of course it's foul, absolutely foul, but i've noticed that a male's image in front of other males takes precedence over all other considerations.
why do they always say out satin tops that perfectly dress up jeans look like lingerie? it's chic dammit!
did u really take ur laptop? and how comes he to know so many other swedish dentists of arab origin in abu dhabi?? it sounds like a minute group
They're not all of Arab origin. Only a couple. But yes they're all Swedish dentists - even the girls. He doesn't get out much here. All the people he knows he knew from Sweden. Even his ex who is Iranian - is Swedish. I've met a few Egyptian non-Swedish friends who are not dentists but he only knows them because one of them is related to him by marriage or something. Anyway they all live in Dubai & Sharjah so we don't see them as often as this bunch.
And yes I did take my laptop. And I did use it but not much because everytime I'd open it they'd realize I was getting bored & change subject/language so I guess it served its purpose in a way.:)
I can NOT take double standards, it happened with me too, I asked a guy I know why not date a girl that he seemed to like, he said he can't bcz she is a sister of a friend's friend. And I said "so what", he said "I can't play with her"
I honestly can not stand Male Sluts.
Besides when a person wants a person for a relationship or sex, they should tell them from the start about their intentions...guys like these, do they imply that they are not honest with "regular girls"--the ones with no brothers they know off??
And another thing I can not stand, is when ppl reply that they are "open minded" and their fi3l or way of thinking and their doings contradict their claim of being open-minded, honestly they simply prove to me that open-minded ppl can not say with a solid verdict that they are open-minded, bcz open-minded ppl always question, always think if they judged or did the right thing or not, open-minded ppl do not go along the status-quo just bcz it is......!!
And ppl who claim to be open-minded and enlightened are just ignorants in denail, I can't stand those shiziphrinic (i can't spell that)!
loulou, you let all my feminine rage out, well not all really :D
I just want to elaborate, male sluts is a term i use to describe arab guys with accute double standards.
ciao bella :)
I'm surprised that this came from Scandanavians. I would expect that to come from 100% Arab blood. Weird.
Gilgamish,
"guys like these, do they imply that they are not honest with "regular girls"--the ones with no brothers they know off??"
They're not implying anything. They're spelling it out. They have no respect for the women they date or for relationships. Or for themselves. When they get involved they feel they're doing something dirty & feel they're insulting their partner. So they can't insult a friend's sister. That's basically it. They see dating as an insult & women who accept it as cheap & deserving of that insult.
Mumbo Jumbo,
Yes am pretty suprised by that too. I used to swear by living abroad for civilizing Arab guys.
What I found really shocking though was that the two guys in the first story - the ones who decided they'll both dump the girl so it doesn't 'affect their friendship'- those weren't even of Arab origin. They're native, authentic Vikings. I mean from anyone male with a drop of Arabic blood we've come to expect the worst in these things but to see in this other men too?What hope is there for humanity?
Loulou,
Did you get your 3 dances?
I don't know what you're surprised at, that's very normal.
Men of any origin would never lose their friendships for a girl, that's a known fact, while many women would and do that all the time, they don't care if they lose their friendships with their gfs, the man precedes for some reason.
Nora,
I got 4 dances. :)
Men do too lose friendships for girls. They don't necessarily give up their friends for girls the way that girls will stop going out with their friends when they are in a relationship. But you often hear about a man losing his wife to his "best friend"
"male sluts"!!!lol...I love this term.
I prefer "man-whores" myself!
Or "dogs" as Highlander was saying in a recent post :)
Is no guy going to speak up here!?
(and no, don't look at me)
Even the Swedes! Well, it just proves that we're all the same, doesn't it :)
i like to refer to male sluts as "mluts" ...
I asked him so if you knew my brother you would have dumped me?
As usual Loulou :) you go to the jugular . I have a feeling K is going to be so punished over this....let us know what happened.
As for the Vikings , seems all men are the same lol , and I thought it was only Libyan guys. At least I'm comforted in the thought now .
Programmer_Craig ;) you remembered the 'dogs' term ...he he he
By the way Loulou , let us know which Valentino top you buy . I love red !
Laptop at the dinner table?! Loulou I would be offended like hell if anyone of the people I go out with would even consider :)
I think the laptop is a good idea. I think I'll try it at my in-laws! It's better than sitting there bored out of my mind.
Is it only me or is it rude for ppl to speak only Arabic around you when you don't speak the language and they can speak English. I find it to be extremely rude. I don't understand why it's done.
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