Saturday, June 10, 2006


Me : Everytime you get mad at me I think you don't love me anymore.
Him : Really?
Me : Yes. You make me feel I screwed things up with you so bad you can't stand me anymore.
Him : That's interesting.
Me : Am glad am not boring you.
Him : Did I ever say I don't love you?
Me : Well not in so many words but you act as if you can't stand to hear my voice.
Him : So let me see if I get this straight: you can tell me you hate me & that's supposed to make me feel loved. Bilmoqabil ba2a inti(On the other hand) you have a right to feel I don't love you kida min wa7i ilhamik(based on your imagination) & that's my problem?
Me : You know I don't mean it when I say things like that. I was just upset.
Him : You see? That's why I don't like to talk to you when I'm angry. I don't like to say things I don't mean. You don't care what you say.
Me : I'm sorry I said I hate you. I do not hate you. I love you.
Him : You love me as long as you get what you want when you want. Otherwise you hate me.
Me : I don't have an answer for that.
Him : Kol da 3ashan ba2oolik mish 3ayez khilfa dilwa2ti? Omal ba2a law 7asal ini tli3t mish bakhalif aslan konti hati3mili ma3aya eh? Tirfa3i adyit khol3? (All this because I told you I don't want to have kids now? What if I was sterile? What would you do then? Divorce me?)
Me : If you were sterile I wouldn't have had a miscarriage. And I wouldn't be so messed up now.
Him : That was in February. This is June. How long am I going to be punished for it?
Me : So the last 3 months were all punishment?Ma shoft feehum wala yom 7ilw?(You didn't have a single good day with me?)
Him : And your point is?
Me : I have ups & downs. I can't help it. And when I'm down I need you more.
Him : When you're down you push everyone away. No one can help you if you won't let them.
Me : I don't mean to push you away.
Him : You want to stay here without me.
Me : I'm sorry about that too.
Him : So that's not what you want anymore?
Me : No.
Him : Fine. Do you know what you want?

Good question. What DO I want now?

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Blogger Libyan Violet said...

This is better Loulou , you are talking to K now and sharing with him your fears and feelings. Please don't ever shut him away. You can do that to the whole world , but not to the love of your life no matter what happens . Trust me my dear .

6/10/2006 07:59:00 PM  
Blogger forsoothsayer said...

i like how your presentation of your relationship shows both sides - i.e. you look like an unreasonable person sometimes too :) bas 7aram 3aleiki all this emotional jerking around - and it's not your hormones that want the baby. they don't flow madly all the time like that. no, don't blame it on hormones rather than a human, controllable fear. i think it will go away if you want it too (shofty el falsafa?)
and do you really want a child resented by his father for a s long as he lives?

6/10/2006 08:21:00 PM  
Blogger Unruly Spring said...

Hi there,

I'm new to your blog, but if I may suggest smthg, try to take a 3-day vacation and go somewhere new, if you can :) a break will clear your mind, it always does it for me.

6/10/2006 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Crazy Girl said...

Ma3lesh Lou Lou..Me hopes you figure out what you want so that you can be completley happy.

Lou Lou do you think that maybe your over thinking the baby issue to much.Are you ready to wake up 20 times in the middle of the night? Change filthy dippers all day and what if you have twins? Will you give up your career or stay? Can you manage both? Will it strain your marriage if you have a baby when your not both on equal grounds with the decision.

Ok I know I am rambling and I just laid those questions out as an example. Take your time. God has his plan for all of us. Good luck.

6/11/2006 09:17:00 AM  
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