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Me : Everytime you get mad at me I think you don't love me anymore.
Him : Really?
Me : Yes. You make me feel I screwed things up with you so bad you can't stand me anymore.
Him : That's interesting.
Me : Am glad am not boring you.
Him : Did I ever say I don't love you?
Me : Well not in so many words but you act as if you can't stand to hear my voice.
Him : So let me see if I get this straight: you can tell me you hate me & that's supposed to make me feel loved. Bilmoqabil ba2a inti(On the other hand) you have a right to feel I don't love you kida min wa7i ilhamik(based on your imagination) & that's my problem?
Me : You know I don't mean it when I say things like that. I was just upset.
Him : You see? That's why I don't like to talk to you when I'm angry. I don't like to say things I don't mean. You don't care what you say.
Me : I'm sorry I said I hate you. I do not hate you. I love you.
Him : You love me as long as you get what you want when you want. Otherwise you hate me.
Me : I don't have an answer for that.
Him : Kol da 3ashan ba2oolik mish 3ayez khilfa dilwa2ti? Omal ba2a law 7asal ini tli3t mish bakhalif aslan konti hati3mili ma3aya eh? Tirfa3i adyit khol3? (All this because I told you I don't want to have kids now? What if I was sterile? What would you do then? Divorce me?)
Me : If you were sterile I wouldn't have had a miscarriage. And I wouldn't be so messed up now.
Him : That was in February. This is June. How long am I going to be punished for it?
Me : So the last 3 months were all punishment?Ma shoft feehum wala yom 7ilw?(You didn't have a single good day with me?)
Him : And your point is?
Me : I have ups & downs. I can't help it. And when I'm down I need you more.
Him : When you're down you push everyone away. No one can help you if you won't let them.
Me : I don't mean to push you away.
Him : You want to stay here without me.
Me : I'm sorry about that too.
Him : So that's not what you want anymore?
Me : No.
Him : Fine. Do you know what you want?
Good question. What DO I want now?
Labels: Marriage, Motherhood
posted by LouLou @ 3:42 PM
2 Comments:
This is better Loulou , you are talking to K now and sharing with him your fears and feelings. Please don't ever shut him away. You can do that to the whole world , but not to the love of your life no matter what happens . Trust me my dear .
i like how your presentation of your relationship shows both sides - i.e. you look like an unreasonable person sometimes too :) bas 7aram 3aleiki all this emotional jerking around - and it's not your hormones that want the baby. they don't flow madly all the time like that. no, don't blame it on hormones rather than a human, controllable fear. i think it will go away if you want it too (shofty el falsafa?)
and do you really want a child resented by his father for a s long as he lives?
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