Friday
That was not a day that started well at all. Woke up feeling so sick. That horrible cold. Guess I overdid it on Thurs being out & running around all day. Some sort of relapse.
Was planning to go to my brother's early to help my sister-in-law with cooking for dinner. Didn't seem fair to dump it all on her when it was my fault there was going to be a dinner at all. But felt so exhausted. Temperature high again. And my throat. And all that coughing & sneezing on a sore throat.
Went & knocked my parent's door. Woke Mom & told her to make me better. What's the point in having a mother who is a doctor if I get sick like everybody else? She said the fever won't go down because my throat is infected & I needed to get a culture. Which I did but I never went back to get the results. My mom has this thing against anti-biotics. Anyway she did give me some pills to swallow & she made me drink warm lemon juice & she told me to go back to sleep. So I did.
She woke me up about 2:00pm to eat something. Had some soup & took more pills & went back to sleep. Never even called my sister-in-law. Talk about being rude. Next time I woke up it was 5:30pm. And I had 18 missed calls. That shows you how heavily I was drugged. 8 calls were K. The rest were M. & D., my bro & my sister-in-law.
So I got up feeling a bit better, showered & changed. Didn't know how I was supposed to talk on the phone when my voice wouldn't come out so started sending everyone sms. Of course they all called. Why don't people realize that if you wanted to talk you'd have called?
Mom was nagging that I shouldn't go out in my condition & that if I go to my bro's I'll give the infection to the kids. Felt a bit guilty about that. But my sister-in-law said she'll have the kids in bed before dinner. Very sweet of her. Then D. offered to go early & help but I said no everything was under control. Can't put the whole world to trouble.
Arrived at my bro's about 9:00pm. Was much more human by then. Sent K. sms to let him know I was there. Told him not to leave before I confirmed I was there. He lives too close to my bro's & I didn't want him arriving before me.
He showed up about 10 min later. Introduced him to my bro. Saw them exchange business cards so I guess now if my brother wants to contact him anytime for a man-to-man talk I can't do anything about it. My sister-in-law he'd already met. And he knows D. & M. All in all it wasn't too uncomfortable. My bro was being nice. The TV was on & there was a report about Sudan on BBC so the conversation was about politics to start with. Then K. & my bro started talking football. And my sister-in-law called me & the girls to help her in the kitchen even though she said when we arrived that she didn't need any help.
We went but I kept going back to the living room every 5 min to see how they were getting along. My friends were making fun of me - asking what I was expecting that they'd start throwing punches at each other?How was I supposed to know?Never been in this kind of situation before. After going out there for the 3rd time I sensed that K. was getting pissed off at me. Didn't like the looks I was getting from him. And he had warned me earlier that I didn't need to 'babysit' him. So I was forced to behave.
Over dinner I was the topic of conversation. That happens when you are the one person a lot of people who don't know each other very well have in common. Basically they all started making fun of me, telling all my embarrassing stories etc...All in a nice way. I didn't mind. My bro wouldn't have gone along with that if he didn't like K. There would have been a lot more formality.
K. didn't stay too long after dinner. The whole thing was over by 11:00pm. Stayed just long enough to ask what my bro thought of him. He wouldn't give me a straight answer though. He just told me that it was late & I wasn't well & I should go home - the implication being that he knew I was going to go see K. the minute I left. But he didn't tell me to keep away from the guy or else or anything like that. Had to be content with that.
So I left & drove over to K. building & called him from the parking downstairs. He said ok am coming down & hung up. Geez. At least give me a chance to ask you one question. So we went for one of those famous drives in my car.
Could tell his mood wasn't so great though. So I panicked. And I kept pushing for answers. He lost patience & snapped at me. Really hate it when he does that. Didn't say anything. Kept looking straight ahead. Then I couldn't keep driving so I pulled over.
He said you can't stop here give me the keys so I did. We kept driving around. It was awful. Hate it when he's all silent & brooding & won't aswer questions. I know I should wait until he's ready to say but I get so nervous.
After a while I put on the radio & THEN he started talking.
Him: Your brother says you have to leave in Dec.
Me: But I told you that.
Him: What you told me was that you might be leaving. That was when I first met you. Then you never mentioned it again. And everytime we talked about our future you would say we needed more time. When you say we need more time I assume that we have more time. Not that you're making definite plans to leave.
Me: Am sorry. There are no definite plans. There's a job offer in Morroco but I haven't decided anything yet.
Him: And when were you going to tell me?After you decide?Were you going to leave & then send me a letter?
Me: Why are you shouting?Am sitting right next to you & am not deaf.
Him: I'm sorry. It's late. Let's just go home.
Me: That's it?Conversation starts when you want & ends when you want?It doesn't matter if I have something to say?
Him: Now is not a good time to talk to me. Not if you don't like shouting.
Me: So why did you come out with me?So you can shout?
Him: You're right. It was a mistake to go out tonight. I'm tired.
Me: Fine. Let me drop you off.
Him: No I'll take you home. I can get a cab or something.
When he dropped me off I asked are you even going to call me?He said not tonight. So I just said fine. Then he said I'll call you tomorrow. Just said good night.Went up to my room. Took some cold pills & went to sleep. Was NOT going to cry with my sore throat.
8:00 pm on Sat & he hasn't called. Am I supposed to wait or to call him?
Update: Sent him an sms saying don't you think you're over-reacting?He replied with sms also that he doesn't like secrets. Called him. He didn't pick up. Then he sent me sms that he's out right now & will call me later.
Secrets?What secrets?All I meant to do was not pressure him to take any step he's not convinced of. Didn't want to be like those girls who go & tell a guy ahli gaybeenli 3arees or whatever to force him to propose. And I didn't want to feel we were being rushed.
But of course I was going to tell him. Just thought there was more time to do it.
posted by LouLou @ 6:08 PM
17 Comments:
OH NO, Loul! I know exactly what you are feeling.... :(
Just give him some time and he will call. Maybe he is just thinking things over. I thnk he feels that he has to make a decision soon cause you might be leaving in December, and he is stressed. COrnered somehow.
He might be calling this leaving thing 'secret' and upset at you for not telling him, but at the same time I think he is appreciative that you didnt tell him so as not to push him into anything he doesnt want.
So just give him some time.
Good luck
don't know lloul. hope by the time you read this, things are fine.
maybe what haal is suggesting is true. on the other hand, he could be upset not for the keeping secrets thing, but because this particular secret may give the message that you are not sure yet if you want to be with him or not, and so you are keeping the ball in your court for the moment. it would hurt if he is so sure. and he would be too proud to say: i am upset because i thought you loved me more. can't admit any insecurities, and would like some space to be in control again. at least be at the same place as you.
if that is the case, it wouldn't be so bad, means he loves you and wants to be with you, and just needs to have his insecurities chased away.
does he usually react to arguments or disappointments by staying away? makes a difference
haal,
He didn't call last night either. He sent me sms that it's late & he has work in the morning so let's talk another time.
It was 1:00am. This is the same guy who is perfectly happy to stay up on the phone until 6:00am when he wants. Now 1:00am is too late for him?
Am going to give him one more day. Can't take this longer than that.
doshar,
It's a little difficult to chase away his insecurities when he won't tell me what they are.
And yes he does usually react to arguments by withdrawing - if not physically keeping away then by becoming cold & sarcastic & unapproachable & just extremely unpleasant. He can do that for days.
Last time I got this treatment was when we had a fight over my American friend's visit.
Have never seen him lose his temper & raise his voice like that though. Am the one yelling & slamming doors usually. And he makes fun of me when I do that.
Gilgamish,
Did think of writing to him but didn't know what to say exactly. Don't know what's bugging him. Am only guessing here. It could be what haal says that he feels cornered so I was right not to tell him. Or it could be what doshar was saying. Or it could be something else entirely.
Don't want to end up saying the wrong thing & making things worse.
Right about now, I bet you want to smack your brother for having a big mouth. Have been in similar situation. It stinks because all that can be done is to wait it out and be patient.
I think K feels hurt because he believes you actually "hid" something from him...maybe he just wants to give himself time to sort things out in his head as to why you didn't tell him.. doesn't want to talk to you till he's done "talking to himself" ...I'm sure isA that when he looks at things from your perspective he'll understand why you did that...
Good luck ya Loulou .. Rabena me3aki
Loul,
Why not just wait for him after work, grab him and talk face to face. Grab him in a gentle female dala3 way, not break his shoulder. Just make sure to be nice and not meeting his anger with similar ones.
Sms and calls, from experience SUCK SUCK SUCK... Coz more pain than anything.
I hate that!
Salamaat Ya Lou!
I just have a feeling that that there is a mis management of K expectations...
Just use your charm :) it will be OK...
Stay off car rides conversations, such as important , ( you must have some californian living, left over, or somthing similar?! )
Be patient, grant space
m3lesh ya loulou, it is just misunderstanding to your behaviour
to tell you the truth maybr he has the right bec he thinks that you are not giving all info , it is nor a simple info or secret you know, as long as he doesnt know yet ur intensions
but it is ok , wait and tell him why you did that bec you were afreaid to push and you were actually not gona move , maybe to stay
but you should of tell him f3lan to sort out thing according to the time i mean , if he is good and he really loves you he will undertand and the situation will be over.
haal,
why do you think I'll break his arm?!!
I promise I'll be very gentle with him:)
km,
Yeah I wish my brother could have kept it to himself. But then my brother does have his won agenda. He wants to see the relationship end one way or the other - marriage or break-up. He's not really comfortable with the idea of his sisters dating.Typical Arab male attitude.
Because you are a hot blooded passionate woman :) enta ya beta3 enta, 3amel za3lan...fee eih. eih el dala3 dah. ba'oulak eih ya edal3adeee, khalass ana moush fadya! :)
Sharief,
Allah yisalimak yarab. I thought I was giving space but it seems he doesn't like space that much.
haal,
lol...is that what you do?
Yes, I do that actually! I am short-tempered, get bored and dont like dala3! So I try to make it fun but if it doesnt work, i make sure to turn it dramatically :) So better respond to the fun attempt! :)
Good luck! Make sure to take melaya laf and wear a slipper! I want original tashleee'ih ...!
Lou, I hope everything works out just fine! I know these tense and uncertain moments are really hard to put up with. Best of luck!
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