That was not a day that started well at all. Woke up feeling so sick. That horrible cold. Guess I overdid it on Thurs being out & running around all day. Some sort of relapse.
Was planning to go to my brother's early to help my sister-in-law with cooking for dinner. Didn't seem fair to dump it all on her when it was my fault there was going to be a dinner at all. But felt so exhausted. Temperature high again. And my throat. And all that coughing & sneezing on a sore throat.
Went & knocked my parent's door. Woke Mom & told her to make me better. What's the point in having a mother who is a doctor if I get sick like everybody else? She said the fever won't go down because my throat is infected & I needed to get a culture. Which I did but I never went back to get the results. My mom has this thing against anti-biotics. Anyway she did give me some pills to swallow & she made me drink warm lemon juice & she told me to go back to sleep. So I did.
She woke me up about 2:00pm to eat something. Had some soup & took more pills & went back to sleep. Never even called my sister-in-law. Talk about being rude. Next time I woke up it was 5:30pm. And I had 18 missed calls. That shows you how heavily I was drugged. 8 calls were K. The rest were M. & D., my bro & my sister-in-law.
So I got up feeling a bit better, showered & changed. Didn't know how I was supposed to talk on the phone when my voice wouldn't come out so started sending everyone sms. Of course they all called. Why don't people realize that if you wanted to talk you'd have called?
Mom was nagging that I shouldn't go out in my condition & that if I go to my bro's I'll give the infection to the kids. Felt a bit guilty about that. But my sister-in-law said she'll have the kids in bed before dinner. Very sweet of her. Then D. offered to go early & help but I said no everything was under control. Can't put the whole world to trouble.
Arrived at my bro's about 9:00pm. Was much more human by then. Sent K. sms to let him know I was there. Told him not to leave before I confirmed I was there. He lives too close to my bro's & I didn't want him arriving before me.
He showed up about 10 min later. Introduced him to my bro. Saw them exchange business cards so I guess now if my brother wants to contact him anytime for a man-to-man talk I can't do anything about it. My sister-in-law he'd already met. And he knows D. & M. All in all it wasn't too uncomfortable. My bro was being nice. The TV was on & there was a report about Sudan on BBC so the conversation was about politics to start with. Then K. & my bro started talking football. And my sister-in-law called me & the girls to help her in the kitchen even though she said when we arrived that she didn't need any help.
We went but I kept going back to the living room every 5 min to see how they were getting along. My friends were making fun of me - asking what I was expecting that they'd start throwing punches at each other?How was I supposed to know?Never been in this kind of situation before. After going out there for the 3rd time I sensed that K. was getting pissed off at me. Didn't like the looks I was getting from him. And he had warned me earlier that I didn't need to 'babysit' him. So I was forced to behave.
Over dinner I was the topic of conversation. That happens when you are the one person a lot of people who don't know each other very well have in common. Basically they all started making fun of me, telling all my embarrassing stories etc...All in a nice way. I didn't mind. My bro wouldn't have gone along with that if he didn't like K. There would have been a lot more formality.
K. didn't stay too long after dinner. The whole thing was over by 11:00pm. Stayed just long enough to ask what my bro thought of him. He wouldn't give me a straight answer though. He just told me that it was late & I wasn't well & I should go home - the implication being that he knew I was going to go see K. the minute I left. But he didn't tell me to keep away from the guy or else or anything like that. Had to be content with that.
So I left & drove over to K. building & called him from the parking downstairs. He said ok am coming down & hung up. Geez. At least give me a chance to ask you one question. So we went for one of those famous drives in my car.
Could tell his mood wasn't so great though. So I panicked. And I kept pushing for answers. He lost patience & snapped at me. Really hate it when he does that. Didn't say anything. Kept looking straight ahead. Then I couldn't keep driving so I pulled over.
He said you can't stop here give me the keys so I did. We kept driving around. It was awful. Hate it when he's all silent & brooding & won't aswer questions. I know I should wait until he's ready to say but I get so nervous.
After a while I put on the radio & THEN he started talking.
Him: Your brother says you have to leave in Dec.
Me: But I told you that.
Him: What you told me was that you might be leaving. That was when I first met you. Then you never mentioned it again. And everytime we talked about our future you would say we needed more time. When you say we need more time I assume that we have more time. Not that you're making definite plans to leave.
Me: Am sorry. There are no definite plans. There's a job offer in Morroco but I haven't decided anything yet.
Him: And when were you going to tell me?After you decide?Were you going to leave & then send me a letter?
Me: Why are you shouting?Am sitting right next to you & am not deaf.
Him: I'm sorry. It's late. Let's just go home.
Me: That's it?Conversation starts when you want & ends when you want?It doesn't matter if I have something to say?
Him: Now is not a good time to talk to me. Not if you don't like shouting.
Me: So why did you come out with me?So you can shout?
Him: You're right. It was a mistake to go out tonight. I'm tired.
Me: Fine. Let me drop you off.
Him: No I'll take you home. I can get a cab or something.
When he dropped me off I asked are you even going to call me?He said not tonight. So I just said fine. Then he said I'll call you tomorrow. Just said good night.Went up to my room. Took some cold pills & went to sleep. Was NOT going to cry with my sore throat.
8:00 pm on Sat & he hasn't called. Am I supposed to wait or to call him?
Update: Sent him an sms saying don't you think you're over-reacting?He replied with sms also that he doesn't like secrets. Called him. He didn't pick up. Then he sent me sms that he's out right now & will call me later.
Secrets?What secrets?All I meant to do was not pressure him to take any step he's not convinced of. Didn't want to be like those girls who go & tell a guy ahli gaybeenli 3arees or whatever to force him to propose. And I didn't want to feel we were being rushed.
But of course I was going to tell him. Just thought there was more time to do it.