Things I Never Wrote About in My Diary
1)Things that made me so angry that I couldn't write anything printable about them. Don't like to put profanities in writing even if I use them occasionally when talking. Always thought of writing as something elegant & refined.
2)Things am really, really ashamed of. Not embarrassed. Can write about embarrassment. Shame is something else, deeper & more profound.
3)Things that shock me but are so ugly I refuse to accept them. Writing about them might take away some of the shock, make them more ordinary. Don't want to get used to some things. Don't want to slowly come to accept them.
4)Money issues. My parents think it's vulgar & low-class to talk about your money problems with anyone outside the family. Or to borrow money. Even if you desperately need it & you're only borrowing for a short time. It's ridiculous how intimate & embarrassing this has become to me. If someone asks to borrow from me I get so embarrassed that sometimes I'll say yes just to get out of the situation - even if I can't afford it.Can't picture explaining that I can't afford it.
5)My first doubts about God & Faith. When those first started to happen couldn't talk, write, even think about them for years. Couldn't admit them to myself. That has changed now.