Reconsidering?
Him: You're staring.
Me : Am sorry.
Him: No don't apologize. I wasn't complaining.
Me : Really?
Him: Tab3an. Da shi'i yisharafni. 7ad yitool?(It is an honor)
I smile at him but can't think of anything to say. A few, silent minutes later.
Him: What are you thinking?
Me : Lots of things.
Him: Ostor yarab(Allah preserve us). Like what?
Me : That we've been married for one year already. That I love you I guess.
Him: Excuse me? You guess?
Me : Well, there have been moments.
Him: Ah yib2a i7na kida binragi3 nafsina. (So you are reconsidering)
Me : Am just wondering how we're doing.
Him: How we're doing in what exactly?
Me : This marriage stuff.
He gave me a long look. I thought he was going to say something. But he didn't. A longer silence this time.
Me : Nothing to say?
Him: Kol sana winti tayeba.(Happy Anniversary)
Me : Winta tayeb.()
Silence yet again.
Me : Laish sakit? Za3lan?
Him: Wala za3lan wala 7aga. Bas inti bitfakari law konti bit7ibi wala la. Fana saybik ba2a ma3 nafsik ashof hatiwsali fain.
Me : Are you worried?
Him: Of course.
Me : Why?
Him: Wallahi talama elmowdoo3 3andik mi7tag morag3a meen 3arif? Mish yimkin makoonsh it7abait aslan?(If you're reconsidering then maybe you never loved me to start with.)
Me : La yasidi it7abait jidan. Wo lisa.(I did love you very much. Still do.)
Him: Illy yi7ib mish biyragi3.(Then you shouldn't be reconsidering.)
Me : But there are bad times.
Him: Walaw.(So?)
Me : I guess I still can't get over the way you said ab3atlik wara2tik(send the divorce papers).
Him: Tani ya L.?(We're going to discuss that again?)
Me : Sorry.
Him: Ya3ni ana ghaltan ini mish 3ayzik tiseebini?(So I'm wrong for not wanting you to leave me?)
Me : So you tell me you'll divorce me?
Him: Look, I said I didn't mean that. I was worried and angry & I just wanted you to come home.
Me : I don't want you to talk to me like that again. Ever.
Him: I won't. Wana asif ya sitti 3ashan bas ma tifdalish kida shayla mini. Khalas?
Me : Khalas.
Him: Id7aki ba2a(Smile). Ma yib2ash 2albik iswid.
So I smiled.
Him: Bas inti kaman mafish siya3a wi sahr bara liwa7dik min ghair ma t2oolili. (But you too should not stay out late without telling me.)
Me : And you shouldn't flirt with other women.
Him: Da kan yom iswid. (That was a black day(disaster)).
Me : So you won't do it?
Him: Howa ana itganint?(He'd have to be insane to do that)
Me : Can I stay out late if I tell you where I am?
Him: Ana ma7ibish kida.
Me : But you stay out late without me sometimes.
Him: Ah. Bab2a a3id 3al 2ahwa. Or out in the desert with the guys. I don't go out on the town without you.
Me : That's because you don't like to go out on the town anyway. You'd rather stay home & have sex 24 hrs.
Him(smiling): La 24 hrs ma aw3idkeesh(No I can't promise you 24 hr sex). I7na ah fara3na wi gamdeen wi kol 7aga bas el3a2l zina.
Which cracked me up of course.
Me : You know what I mean. I like to socialize more than you.
Him: Mashi bas ana ma ba7rimkeesh min 7aga. 3ala 2ad ma2dar bawadeeki matra7 ma inti 3ayza. Lama ab2a mish 2adir ba2a ma3laish ista7mileeni. Mish lazim ya3ni tis-hari bara kol yom.(Yes but I try to take you when I can. When I can't you should put up with me. You don't have to party late every single night.)
Me : But I like to see my friends.
Him: Bardo that doesn't have to be late at night. Bossi inti ti3mili illy inti 3ayza tool elyom bas bilail da bta3i ana. Eh rayi'ik?(Look you can do what you want all day but the nights are mine.)What do you think?
What do I think? On one hand am worried it might be like living with my parents & having a curfew again. On the other hand, it really seems to bother him & I enjoy myself more when we go out together anyway.
Sigh. If only I wasn't such a hyperactive insomniac. That's what makes me so restless at night.
Labels: Marriage
posted by LouLou @ 3:38 PM
11 Comments:
Happy anniversary, Loulou
I personally think that saying - “you can do what you want all day but the nights are mine” not fair and not realistic. What about the days he is working and you want to go out? can be thousand of cases, you name it. So I wouldn’t agree on it, instead propose that he will not flirt, will be selective when talking to u (meaning not bringing the divorce things) and you try not to go out at night alone.
Have you read Mumbo Jumbos blog, one Anon reader commented on her last post, saying bringing divorce is “part of the way we Egyptians argue”, so may be its just the way Egyptians argue, and they don’t put that much sense in this bad word “divorce”. So take it easy.
Cheers,
Puppy.
Your husband sounds like the coolest Egyptian I know!!
Lou, I think it is fair deal.. Say Yes C'mon you know you want to..
:D Happy holidays
Blegh. Forsooth once warned me not to give in to such demands because people are creatures of habit. Budging is a slippery slope. If he gets used to this, who knows what else you'll have to give up.
Puppy & Carmen,
I think I know now what is bothering him. He doesn't like it when he wakes up at night & am not there. He doesn't like it when I come home after he's gone to sleep. And he doesn't like it when he's talking to someone & they happen to mention am somewhere when he thought I was somewhere else. Like when I told him I was going over to a friend's house & ended up going out clubbing all night.And half of Abu Dhabi volunteered to make him aware of that.
In my defence, I really am an insomniac. So getting out of the house at night when he's asleep & I can't get to sleep is sometimes an irresistable temptation. Am too hyperactive & restless to sit around watching TV. As long as am awake I feel like moving.
And about the difficulty in keeping track of me, that comes down to the same restlessness. I change places & plans so much because I am very easily bored. So it's very conceiveable that I leave the house meaning to go somewhere with X & end up somewhere else with Y & Z. And while I do understand that he doesn't like it when others know where I am & he doesn't, it's hard to keep him updated given the fact that whenever he's out of my sight it's so hard to reach him. He doesn't have a very good relationship with his cell-phone. Although again to be absolutely fair, he's so dependable that even if I can't get him on the phone, I know he's where he said he is.
Clearly these things have been bothering him all along. It's just that being a typical Taurus, he chose not to comment & to store up all the irritation until the latest incident caused the explosion.
It seems like a personality/lifestyle clash. He's a creature of habit. He likes to follow a routine. Go to bed early, get up to pray & exercise, get to work on time, late nights out only on weekends etc.....And he believes in a certain set of social rules, like married couples shouldn't be seen out clubbing or socializing late at night without each other etc....that seem to prevail in his family.
He also seems to suffer from some misplaced sense of responsibility for my safety & well-being. He feels it's his duty/responsibility to see me home safely every night. He doesn't like me coming home late at night on my own or other people giving me lifts because he feels that's his job.
Whereas I am much more Bohemian. I tend to do what I feel like & only limit or schedule myself in anyway when I absolutely can't avoid it.
I don't know if me agreeing to be home like Cinderella by the stroke of midnight will be enough to solve the problem. Or even if I could stick to that kind of commitment if I made it. This needs some more thinking about.
Happy Holidays everyone!!
LouLou,
I dont think it would be ok, to take a commitment when u know beforehand u wont be able to fulfil something u signed under.
Its different lifestiles, but i still believe that the compromise can be reached here. So tell him to count ur insomania, hyperactivity and let him come up with idea for you, what you should do when u cant sleep.
The easiest way to solve the problem when you have it, find someone to deal with it instead of you. so u know what i mean? tell him to come up with decision which will be suitable for both of you.
Cheers
Puppy.
Compromise can be difficult. I've had to cut back dramatically on blogging and reading blogs to please Jd. He was feeling very left-out and threatened by my friendships and intimacy here in the blogsphere. I refused to give it up entirely but have had to step back more than I would like to make him happy. It's a thin line to walk. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you.
Loulou,
Just for you to know my hsuband lived in the US for almost 27 years, he is more American than Arab and he doesn't even read or write arabic and he won't be happy if I go out late at night.
I think when you are married things are different. I'm sure you can get away with a girls night out or some social occasions. With an Egyptian husband I'm not sure if going out late at night will be an ongoing thing that most men will be happy with.
Happy New year and happy Eid Adha we inshAllah you will stay home with 24 hours sex :) Just kidding!
Hi LouLou,
From what you posted before on the whole divorce papers remark, it didn't seem like he meant he wanted a divorce. It seemed more like sarcasm.
Glad to see things are better now.
Eid Mubarak to both of you.
Oh and happy anniversary... hope you had a merry Christmas and hope you guys have fun on New Year's :)
This post was a real good one :)
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