Running Away
Didn't actually make him sleep on the couch. There was no need. I figured if am not around at all then I don't have to care about his sleeping arrangements right?
The night of the Great Kissing Game, I didn't go home with him after dinner. Told him I was going over to M's. I called her after I left him. She said that she and her husband were going out to the Jazz Bar and that K & I should join them. Told her I'd join, that K was busy.
Got home about 3:00am - having spent half the time answering questions from people about how K was and why he wasn't with me. Why does everybody have to act like me and him are Siamese twins or something? M's husband insisted on dropping me off. So I left my car parked around the Hilton. Figured I could take a cab over there and pick it up in the morning.
K was asleep when I got home. I stayed up all night watching TV in the living room. In the morning, I got dressed as quietly as possible and made sure I was out of the house before he was up.
Avoiding him at lunch was easy. Usually I break my neck to get home and catch him for 10 or 15 min before he leaves for his evening shift. Didn't bother with that. So he wasn't home when I got there.
Had my lunch, showered, got changed & went out again. Went to my uncle's office, got his key then drove over to his place, switched off my cell & crashed on the couch. Was really sleepy. Got up just after Isha(evening prayers). Switched on my cell. No messages. So much for my loving, concerned husband, I thought.
Last night I went out with my uncle - also to the Jazz Bar. And as luck would have it, K's friends were there. The whole bunch of them. So it was only a matter of time before he called.
Him: Ana bas 7abait afakarik inti yizhar niseeti takhdi hdoomik ma3aki winti bit3azili. (He's saying he just wanted to tell me that I forgot to take my clothes etc...when I moved out.)
Me : Titrodni ya K?(Are you kicking me out?)
Him: La ezay? 7ad yi2dar yitrodik min baitik bardo? Ana bas bataminik ini 7agtik illy 3andi fil7ifz wilson ya3ni lama tib2i 3ayzaha.(Of course not. No one can kick you out of your own house.)
Me : Allah yikhaleek.(Thank you)
Him: Ay khidma. Shoofi inta 3ayza ti3mili eh ba2a wibi2i 3arafeeni.(Anytime. See what you want to do and let me know.)
Me : A3mil eh fi eh?(What I want to do about what?)
Him: Ya3ni 3ayza trawa7i ba2a, 3ayza tkalimeeni elsob7 ti2oolili ab3at lik wara2tik 3ala fain, ay 7aga ana ta7t amrik.(Whatever. You want to come home, you want to call me in the morning and tell me where to send the divorce papers, anything you want. I'm at your service.)
Me : You're unspeakable you know that?
Him: Wallahi inti adra.
Me : You flirt with other women IN MY PRESENCE then YOU want a divorce?
Him: Bossi inti yimkin 3andik 7a2 filly inti bt2oolih. La mish yimkin da akeed. Wana ma 3andish ay moshkila fi ini inti tib2i za3lana. 3ala 3aini ya sitti a23od ata'asif wasali7 waboos elayadi kaman inshallah lilsob7. Bas 3ashan a3mil kida lazim ab2a 3arif inti fain. Wi 3ashan kaman ma akdibsh 3laiki ba2a ana t3ibt min mowdoo3 in inti ay 7aga ma ti3gibkeesh tseebili elbait wi tinzili tsee3i filshawari3. Wana a3id filbait ba2a wi kol 7awayan yikalimni yi2ooli asl ana shayef elmadam sahrana fi ay dahiya. Eh?Mitgawiz ra2asa?(Maybe you're right. Definitely you're right. And I totally understand that you're upset. And I'm ready to apologize/make amends etc...But in order to do that I have to know where you are. I am getting tired of this. Everytime something upsets you, you stay out all night etc...)
Me: I only did that once.
Him: Wana 2adart elzoroof illy inti konti bitmori beeha wa2taha. (And I tried to understand what you were going through (that time).)You had a miscarriage. Makonteesh fi 7altik eltabi3iya(It wasn't normal circumstances). So I let it pass. Bas el7ikaya shaklaha mish 7ikayit miscarriage wala yi7zanoon(But it looks like this is normal behavior for you). Inti yizhar nizamik kida 3ala tool wi 7aga ba2it ti2rif wana ba2a ma yinfa3neesh elnizam da(And I will not accept this).
At that point he was yelling so loud I could hardly even understand him anymore so I just hung up. It was really not a good time for him to bring up the miscarriage thing. Especially not in that manner. That's bound to depress me even at the best of times.
I got so depressed. So much for not letting him see that stupid incident got to me. Two days later, here we are discussing divorce. I went home last night but we didn't talk. He took one look at me and turned around and walked into his study. I went into one of the spare bedrooms, locked myself in and cried myself to sleep. Out of depression, disgust, you name it.
This morning, he was up when I was getting ready for work. I got dressed and then asked him if I was allowed to leave the house to go to work. He looked at me and didn't answer. So I left and here I am at the office.
The worst part is, I never wanted to go home or to see him less than I do now. I really want to run away as far as possible. I don't even have the energy to be angry anymore. I don't CARE if he wants to flirt or sleep around. I don't CARE if he wants to drop dead. I was stupid to ever care.
Labels: Marriage
posted by LouLou @ 2:24 PM
10 Comments:
yikes! talk about something getting blown out of proportion... calm down, go home, sort it out and when he messes up again confront him. don't lose ground when he's the one in the wrong... man marriage is tough. good luck.
Loulou, cheer up, you know K better than that :) he definitely love you and he is trying to point something to you, and in the first place you shouldn’t react the way you did, in my opinion he is absolutely right; and all it matter now is to consider each other needs and concerns…
Again just consider his own concerns, and I believe he will do the same when you start to open up your heart and start talking to him, sooner isA
why should it be women always apologizing? I'm sure if it was the other way round K would've gone out of his mind!
But then again, life's a bitch and men can be assholes & we gotta live with them, esp if you're married to them, then you're in it for good and for bad, through thick and thin.. So its all about what matters and how badly you want it to work..
It's never stupid to care. Just don't let something solvable, become something insurmountable.
Loulou, you blogged about the 'kissing game' with so much calm and humor - I thought you'd keep the same demeanour when dealing with him. In fact, your blog overall attests to the fact that you're a wonderfully level-handed, funny and strong woman! Tell K to stop being such an ass to you! At the same time, I agree that you have to be around in order for him to apologize (which I'm sure he wants to, eventually, I think). I mean, he gets kissed on the cheek, you stay out until 3:00am. He starts yelling like an ass and saying hurtful things - one of you is going to have to stop the downward spiral. If you can be the bigger person this time hopefully he picks up the reins next time.
Hope that helps. This is one of my favorite blogs re: matrimonial bliss! Make it work, Loulou!
He's right! If you are pipssed off at him, yell, hit, bite, kick... But leaving the house and not talking about it, is not the right way to address issues.
I suggest you go home and chew his head off
Hi LouLou,
I agree with Zed and Haroun. And Safiya is right too. I have the same tendency to let my anger cloud my logic and want to just distance myself, but it never helps as I just make myself (not to mention the bf) more miserable that way. I hope you're feeling better and that you guys have started talking things out.
Lou, just relax a bit and take a good look at this whole situation. I understand you were mad, that you now think any caring is worthless. But is it really? I think not! What you and K have is special! It is worth fighting for, working on and giving second/third/whatever chances. You know it, we know it...So just take the time you need and then get back to what you have with him.
The only part I would kick his ass for right now (If I were there) would be the attitude he now has! He screwed up, you were not all that right into just not going home, but still, guilt should make him act differently.
It's not worth it, LouLou.
He said 'ab3atlek waraktek' in anger; people tend to go overboard when they're upset, without intent.
Don't let things get blown out of proportion any further. Go home and bite his head off if you want to. You've both gotten to the stage in an argument, where each person feels mazloum and so you're both waiting for an apology.
Besides, you'll lose the argument if you react in a way that is worse than what he did initially.
late comment
it seems that your hubby loves you a lot as i'm sure you are aware of that, the fact that he enjoyed a kiss or two from two of your friends doesn't mean he is going to sleep around, it's also obvious that leaving the house and switching off your cell phone is a big deal for him (and to most egyptian guys) you can give him hell for whatever he did but at home :)
anyway... again good luck with everything
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