Sunday, November 12, 2006

Divorce

So my brother and his wife are getting a divorce. Effectively they're already divorced. No longer living together. It's just the legal process in France will take months.

Their daughter is not even one yet.

He's in town and I could tell from the moment I set eyes on him that something was seriously wrong. But he only told me today. He said that she is leaving him. He didn't say why. When I asked him how long ago, he said 2 months.

My brother is leaving tomorrow. And I don't know what to do. I feel bad because I'm doing nothing but I really don't know what to say or do.

He just sits there not saying anything and not responding to anything.

And he wouldn't come and stay with us. Last night I stayed with him at his hotel room and we just watched movies. And ate a lot. He took me home at 6:00am so I could change for work. And I walked into the house, collapsed on the couch and just cried, nearly scared my husband to death.

Today we had lunch and he sat there for 2 hours without saying a word. I kept trying to start a conversation and in the end I gave up.

I can't let him leave like this. He's here on business and says he has to get back to work but it's so clear that he's no condition to be working. I want him to stay but I don't know how to make him. And if he did stay I don't know what to do for him.

Part of me is really pissed off at him though. My brother never asked anyone's advice. He told other people especially me what to do but he didn't like answering questions about his stuff. When he decided to get married, it was a surprise to all of us. We didn't even know there was someone in his life. He never talked about her. We found out a month before the wedding took place. When his daughter was born, we got an overseas call in the middle of the night. We didn't even know his wife was pregnant.And now he gets divorced and we find out 2 months later.

I mean, what does he expect me to do?What right does he have to just dump this on me like this after years of never admitting that he could be human or have problems?I don't even know how to talk to him when he's like this because I've never seen him like this.

I keep wanting to call my mother and tell her. She'd know what to do. But he doesn't want my parents to know yet. What is he waiting for? I don't know. Should I feel privileged to know?Well I don't.

God I haven't even told my husband yet and he's worried sick. Out of respect for my brother's privacy, I haven't told anyone.

He keeps telling me to just forget it, that he'll be fine. I think he's sorry he told me.

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7 Comments:

Blogger roora said...

I am very sorry to hear about that. Divorce is one of the saddest things. Can you ask him to tell K? Maybe K can help.

Look, if we looked in Quran, when two are about to get divorce, they get a party from each side and they settle down things between them. 3sa an takraho shy2an waa yej3al Allah feeh khayran khateeran.

If there is by anymeans a possibility that your brother would agree in your interfeerence and K , maybe things would be resolved.

ANyways you have nothing to loose, if you didnt interfere, divoce will happen and if you interfeered, there might yet be divorce but also there is a possibility that they would reconcile ISA.

I know a case who were about to get divorced and they left each other for few months and elhamdAllah with parents interfeerence and convincing they resumed back and that was from about two years!

InshaaAllah Kheir.

11/12/2006 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger Alina said...

Sorry to hear about this, Lou. Especially since there is a child involved. I think you should simply question your brother more. If there is no other way, then they should divorce (I know from own experience that parents that don't get along in the same house are worse on a child than a divorce). If there is a way for them to get back together, then you should point it to him...Some things in life are simply worth fighting for!

11/13/2006 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Loulou,

I really recommend that you tell K. You should share your burdens with him and he might see it in a MAN's perspective or point of view.

God be with you and all you family at all times. Inshallah Kheir ya rab.

11/13/2006 12:35:00 PM  
Blogger 2 B || ! 2 B ® said...

sorry to hear this news, but if you really find that telling your parents might help, you should tell them! he is your brother and I'm definitely sure that you seek his own good, so respect his privacy is good, but much better is to help him to get out or over this situation.

we rabina mawgood we inn sha2 Allah kolo lel 7'air

11/13/2006 11:37:00 PM  
Blogger haal said...

Divorce is hell....sometimes a must. Othertimes a decision you better make now before it's too late to do it. It is just that we sometimes do not want to be failures. Better sit eat dirt, better than admiting we are human.

11/14/2006 12:25:00 AM  
Blogger Alluring said...

I can imagine how brutal divorce can be, especially when there are children. There is absolutely nothing you can do when your brother doesn't wanna talk, and even if he did, nothing, and no one would change things since they already made the decision, if he doesn't want to involve any one then that's pretty much it.

And I don't get why is everyone telling you that the solution for your brother's divorce and that things might be resolved if you tell your husband. From what i understand, he's not close to your brother, and what does a MAN point of view has to do with anything? his point of view on what? telling your husband is merely just that, it might perhaps make you feel that you're not hiding anything from him, but it won't resolve your brother's divorce.

I don't think your brother will appreciate it when he gets advice from someone he barely knows, even if he's his brother in law, and i don't think your husband will agree to talk to your brother about it either, or out of it for that matter, for the same reasons.

In my opinion, if anyone deserves to know its your parents, but then again, your brother seems to be a very secretive person, and your parents involvement without his consent might make him lose trust in you.

If you can't do this or that, just wait, there isn't anything you can do at this point, maybe just pray for him.

11/14/2006 10:49:00 PM  
Blogger tooners said...

You know, I think your brother told you because he felt he could confide in you and trust you. That says a lot. I think he also needed to get it off his chest... hoping it might ease the pain inside of him.

For whatever reason, try not to be mad at him for telling you. Divorce is a difficult thing.. for all involved. I can't imagine my brother calling me up to tell me something like this, like you, I wouldn't know what to say and such... but just being there for them, I think is important.

Try not to get emotional over it.. you know how guys are and it seems like that the last thing he wants from anyone, especially family. Give him space and try to understand that he's making the best choice. Hopefully it is the best choice. sometimes, ppl just aren't meant to be together... I do believe this.

11/22/2006 02:50:00 PM  

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