Thursday, October 12, 2006

Allergic to Sleep

Didn't get any sleep last night. Not a wink. Just lay there all night listening to my husband breathe - too exhausted to move or do anything positive but too hyper to sleep. Miserable night. I think I teared up a couple of times. Wouldn't be the first time I ever cried from insomnia, from this horrible sensation of not being able to unwind, night after night. I hate it.

I'd almost forgotten what it was like. Why did it come back? I really thought it was gone for good.

When I heard the call for Fajr(Dawn prayer), I waited for him to wake up & find me. I wanted too much to be found. That's the worst thing about these attacks. The loneliness. Being left behind long after everyone else has gone to sleep. And I can't stand being alone. It's like a phobia.

As luck would have it, he didn't get up for Fajr today. He missed it. Poor thing. He hasn't been sleeping much either the last couple of days. Trying to keep me company. He wanted to give me sleeping pills but I declined. Hypnotic drugs he calls them. Never heard them called that before. I've tried sleeping pills before. They work for a little while then they stop. I develop a tolerance for them or something. Short of outright anaesthetics, I doubt that anything can knock me down for long.

I think that's when I started crying. When I realized he wasn't going to get up for the prayer & I would have to be alone for God knows how many hours more when his alarm goes off & he gets up for work.

But really, why did it come back? Marriage made it go away for a while. Regular sex helped I think. And also being held, having someone sleeping in the same bed was very soothing. But not anymore. So what does it mean? That I developed a tolerance for these things too? Like the sleeping pills?

My mother said that maybe Ramadan disrupted my sleeping patterns. Or, she said, with winter coming, I might be reacting to the change in climate. She remembers that happening to me when I was little.

All the doctors I've ever seen have told me basically that chronic insomnia can only be treated if you treat the causes. That it's like an allergy. You have to find out what causes it.

Well I don't know what causes it. What I know is that after spending all day in bed today trying to relax & sleep, I finally managed to fall asleep just before midnight. Now it's 1:30am & am wide awake, blogging. Less than an hour. Less than an hour of sleep in 72 hrs.

My husband has 9 hrs of surgery tomorrow. I had to let him get some rest.

This can go on for days & days. Last night I prayed & prayed that it wouldn't last long. I will do the same tonight.

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13 Comments:

Blogger roora said...

InshaaAllah ya loulou, I will pray for you too ISA.

10/12/2006 01:49:00 AM  
Blogger Twosret said...

Salamtek Loulou, I know how it feels it has been three years since I had a goodnight sleep. I'm sure your mom can tell you this but did you consider melatonin?

Please consult with your family physician before you try it. It is all natural and helps a lot.

10/12/2006 09:24:00 AM  
Blogger Alluring said...

That's pretty bad.

Hope you get over this soon.

10/12/2006 09:28:00 AM  
Blogger Puppy said...

LouLou,

I think before you start jumping on different kind of pills hypnotic pills or whatever, what is u will take some walks on fresh air?
It really helps, good 1hr walk at night before u go to bed. try to avoid taking pills. I think after a week of promenade on a fresh air u will have ur good sleep back.

Stay Healthy,

Puppy.

10/12/2006 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger SaRaH said...

I guess it is the disease of the century everyone is having trouble sleeping whether being not patternized or not getting it at all or having too much of it. I believe we think too much our racing machines above the shoulders giving us some tough time. Try reading some Quraan it does work for me if it did not work for you at least a sense of serenity will kick in. Take care.

10/12/2006 12:54:00 PM  
Blogger tooners said...

i get bad insomnia myself... it's usually from stress or my mind not being still. have you tried the normal things like a hot bath, watching some tv, reading a book, or warm milk?

i hope it ends soon and you get some restful sleep. i know how it feels.

10/12/2006 02:33:00 PM  
Blogger 2 B || ! 2 B ® said...

rabina ma3aky ya loulou, we isA matawelsh.

isA u will have a good long sleep with accompanying sweet dreams :)

10/13/2006 01:13:00 AM  
Blogger Alina said...

Lou, I've only had a couple of nights when I could hardly sleep for 4-5 hours. had nothing to do and really needed the sleep. It was terrible and really have no idea how you can handle your state, with so little sleep! Hope it ends soon, very soon that is.

10/13/2006 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Highlander said...

Oh you really are suffering ya Loulou. Usually I have no problem sleeping at all . And when I don't sleep it's by choice but after 72 hrs I start hallucinating ! don't know how you managed ? Rabena ma3aki.

10/13/2006 07:18:00 PM  
Blogger Maxxed`ouT said...

I've always suffered the same but it doesn't bother me that much tho ...
I read and write all night .

10/13/2006 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger Leilouta said...

Sorry loulou, I noticed that exercising made me sleep like a baby and made me happier too.

10/14/2006 01:46:00 AM  
Blogger Nerro said...

I remember posting about my insomnia last year ya Loulou, and your reply to me was eno I should utilize the time, and get things done w keda.
I know how hard it is to crave for 4 or 5 continious sleep. Ma3lesh..hope it gets better soon.

10/14/2006 10:53:00 AM  
Blogger bosbos said...

sorry that ur going through this again ya loulou
try to reed some quran in bed and say the folowing
اللهم غارت النجوم و هدات العيون وانت حي قيوم لا تاخذك سنة ولا نوم يا حي يا قيوم اهدأ ليلي و انم عيني

begad it works for me always

10/15/2006 04:49:00 PM  

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