True hardship is being forced to live alone in very close proximity with someone you're violently attracted to & not being allowed to touch them or to even think about it. I never actually heard anything conclusive about whether or not strong sexual impulses break your fast if you don't act on them. I hope they don't because really I don't see how you can help wanting things. You can exert self-control and not actually reach for what you want but surely you can't help wanting it?
I don't get it. I mean it's not like we used to have much sex during the day anyway. That's the time when we're both at work. So we shouldn't miss it much right?Wrong. It's the idea that we CAN'T. It drives us both crazy. We haven't experienced this level of sexual tension since we met.
We both come home early these days because Ramadan working hours are short. So there are these few hours before Iftar where I might sit in the living room watching TV while he sits in the study infront of his PC. And I keep coming up with lame excuses to go in the study & talk to him. When I'm cooking, he comes into the kitchen & offers to help - even though we both know he hates cooking. Under normal circumstances, I'll be begging him to at least keep me company while I'm cooking & he'll be complaining that the smell gets on his clothes and his hair & puts him off the food. We've long since reached a compromise. I cook and he cleans. But now he hangs around the kitchen, pretending to chop vegetables I always end up having to chop again anyway. For a surgeon, he's remarkably useless with a knife in the kitchen. And having him around just makes me so jumpy. His voice drives me nuts. If we fall silent then listening to his breathing drives me nuts. Sometimes I get so irritated I want to scream at him to get out of my kitchen.
Later - after we've broken the fast - we laugh about the way we were acting all day. We agree that it's ridiculous and that of course it can't happen again tomorrow because we'll have adjusted to Ramadan etc....But then the next day is exactly the same.
We never touch each other. We never even flirt. But talk about the elephant in the room! The other day, we got into a conversation with a bunch of friends over sheesha after Iftar. The topic was what married couples were allowed to do during the day in Ramadan. And someone said you could kiss and hug if it's "bidoon shahwa"(without sexual desire). And I was thinking I can't even look at him without shahwa these days. No one else admitted to having this kind of problem. All the couples present were nodding wisely & talking about how they all live like warm & cuddly brothers & sisters during from sun-up to sun-down these days because that's the spirit of Ramadan & they are all too occupied with their spirituality etc...We felt so left out.
I am seriously considering moving out for the remaining 3 weeks of Ramadan.