Hardship
True hardship is being forced to live alone in very close proximity with someone you're violently attracted to & not being allowed to touch them or to even think about it. I never actually heard anything conclusive about whether or not strong sexual impulses break your fast if you don't act on them. I hope they don't because really I don't see how you can help wanting things. You can exert self-control and not actually reach for what you want but surely you can't help wanting it?
I don't get it. I mean it's not like we used to have much sex during the day anyway. That's the time when we're both at work. So we shouldn't miss it much right?Wrong. It's the idea that we CAN'T. It drives us both crazy. We haven't experienced this level of sexual tension since we met.
We both come home early these days because Ramadan working hours are short. So there are these few hours before Iftar where I might sit in the living room watching TV while he sits in the study infront of his PC. And I keep coming up with lame excuses to go in the study & talk to him. When I'm cooking, he comes into the kitchen & offers to help - even though we both know he hates cooking. Under normal circumstances, I'll be begging him to at least keep me company while I'm cooking & he'll be complaining that the smell gets on his clothes and his hair & puts him off the food. We've long since reached a compromise. I cook and he cleans. But now he hangs around the kitchen, pretending to chop vegetables I always end up having to chop again anyway. For a surgeon, he's remarkably useless with a knife in the kitchen. And having him around just makes me so jumpy. His voice drives me nuts. If we fall silent then listening to his breathing drives me nuts. Sometimes I get so irritated I want to scream at him to get out of my kitchen.
Later - after we've broken the fast - we laugh about the way we were acting all day. We agree that it's ridiculous and that of course it can't happen again tomorrow because we'll have adjusted to Ramadan etc....But then the next day is exactly the same.
We never touch each other. We never even flirt. But talk about the elephant in the room! The other day, we got into a conversation with a bunch of friends over sheesha after Iftar. The topic was what married couples were allowed to do during the day in Ramadan. And someone said you could kiss and hug if it's "bidoon shahwa"(without sexual desire). And I was thinking I can't even look at him without shahwa these days. No one else admitted to having this kind of problem. All the couples present were nodding wisely & talking about how they all live like warm & cuddly brothers & sisters during from sun-up to sun-down these days because that's the spirit of Ramadan & they are all too occupied with their spirituality etc...We felt so left out.
I am seriously considering moving out for the remaining 3 weeks of Ramadan.
Labels: Faith
posted by LouLou @ 11:51 PM
8 Comments:
I have not read something so sweet in a while. Rabeena ye7'leko le ba3d
thats so cute :)
Such a sweet post, Lou! I think the others just do not want to admit it, as not being able to do something will always cause such tension. But maybe it also depends on the kind of relationship...
I thought my husband and I were the only ones! :)
When we're fasting, especially at the start of the day when we're waking up and still in bed- it's as if we've been apart for months. We can't resist each other. I have to remind my husband that we're fasting.
I think it's the forbidden that makes it all the more desirable- the fact that you can't have it. It's like the apple of Adam and Eve ;)
The funny thing is... after iftar it's not the same, is it? That sexual tension is gone!
Kol sana wenti tayeba. :)
Was thinking along the same lines Loulou. Today I looked at the guy driving next to me on the highway, not once but twice - uh oh is this shahwah ?
I agree with mumbo; it's the fact that it's forbidden that makes it all desirable!
And after fetar, you're too tired you can barely move to do what you've been wanting all day!!
Happy ramadan loulou :)
"al mamnou3...mar3'oub" Loulouuuuuuu wa7ashna kalamik al gamed :) Don’t get disturbed when you can’t fully control it, actually it will take some while till you can do it optimally, and it will be much easier for you when both of you apply this control instead of just one.
What is count for both of you is how hard you tried to reach your goal –ultimately achieve it, but if not it’s still OK as long as you are doing your best- so keep trying to reach this state…no one is unmistakable, but the issue is trying to *mitigate* the mistakes and not to repeat it, so it’s all about putting effort ant not giving up.
We are all mature, and we all know ourselves, capabilities, weak points; which led us to: we can point what exactly the reasons which could end up with us loosen control, and as wise people always says: the best thing to do to avoid this kind of “eros” (i.e. shahwa) is to run from it (its causes).
And mesh kol al nas zay ba3daha, we zeyada mesh kol al couples bardo zay ba3d, so what applies and works for you, it might not work for others :)
Keep the spirit up and have your joy in heart these days :)
Warm and cuddly brothers and sisters? How 'bout no! You know, a lot of people like to talk out of their asses sometimes. I'm sure that's not how they were living, but they're just embarrassed to say so especially during Ramadan. And if what they're saying is true? Then it's a good thing you and hubby feel left out!
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