A Friend in Need
My friend S. (on how to get rid of my husband's friends): Tell him they hit on you.
S.: Do it. It's how I get rid of my husband's friends. Works like a charm.
Me: But they do not hit on me!
S.: Make them hit on you. Show them some cleavage.
Me: But, but...
S.: Shoofi 7abibti(look sweetie), you're not going to get very far in life if you're going to be protective of your cleavage.
Me: They've seen my cleavage. They did not hit on me.
S.: Then try your legs. You have good legs.
Me: They will NOT. There's no shortage of women around them. They won't lose their head over a pair of legs. Or cleavage.
S.: They might if they're drunk. And if you flirt. You're husband's crazy about you.
Me: Am crazy about him too!That's why I don't flirt with his friends. Or with anyone other than him for that matter. Ba3dain elduniya Ramadan(Besides it's Ramadan). 7aram 3laiki.
S.: Bas inti neetik khair(But you mean well). Allah biyghfir lik(God will forgive you).
Me: Khair?Flirting with my husband's friends is khair?Mashallah 3laiki lama btifti.(You're so good when you issue fatwas.)
S.: It's for his own good. Hadol rofaqa2 soo.(They're a bad influence on him). Fi kteer a7adith 3an rofaqa2 elsoo.(There are lots of Scriptures about friends who lead one to temptation.)
Me: That's so manipulative.
S.: Ya 7abibti Allah khala2 elrijal 3ashan(God created men so) we manipulate them for their own good.
Me: You're nuts. I am not doing any such thing.
S.: Ok then don't do anything. Just tell him they did.
Me: He'd never believe it.
S.: Bas ra7 yiwaswis.(But he will wonder.) Inti zogik kteer biyghar.(Your husband is very jealous.) He would not hang out with them if he had doubts.
Me: S., he's not stupid. He's not going to believe all his friends suddenly couldn't resist his wife.
S.: Ya habla.(You idiot.)Don't say all of them. Just pick one. He'll go off the whole group.