Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Friends

1) A.: Swedish dentist. Half-Egyptian, half-Swedish. K's family & his know each other back in Egypt. Old family friend of K's. But apparently since they grew up in different parts of Sweden, they only got to spend a lot of time together after they both came to work in UAE. A. has been here for 6 years. Was present at the wedding. He's the guy who got my husband the job offer here in UAE.

Speaks no Arabic but good English.

Probably the biggest drinker in the group. They say he's only ever sober at work & since I've never seen him at work, I've never seen him sober. Very funny guy. Will make you laugh like crazy.

Divorced with 2 kids living in Sweden. Not an amicable divorce & lots of problems over custody, visitation etc....Sometimes goes through periods of severe depression.

My husband worries about him a lot.

2) B.: Swedish dentist. Also a surgeon. Arab origin. Iraqi actually. Spent his childhood in Iraq until age 10. Went to college with my husband.

Was present at the wedding. Charismatic guy. Very charming. Extremely well-read. Fluent in several languages including Arabic & Kurdish. Knows the Quran very well & enjoys taking it apart. Always arguing religion & politics with me & my husband.

Gets a lot of female attention which bugs me because he treats them all like crap. Don't some girls have any pride?

He keeps rubbing me the wrong way because he likes to show off about how little he respects women, making lots of sexist remarks etc....I don't know if he does that when am around to bait me or if it's really how he thinks.

The guys all like him & say that he's very loyal & would do anything for his friends etc...So apparently he's only horrible to women?

Besides the womanizing. B. is probably the wildest in the group. Reckless driving. Crazy sports. Drinks a lot at parties but not everyday like A.

I liked him at first. He seemed like a very interesting person - with a lot of unique views. Very intellectual. But on top of the contempt for women, he has this bitter contempt for all things Arab. He has contempt for most things actually. Is always talking about how much he hates patients. I can never tell if he's serious about that but if he hates his job, he has a funny way of showing it. He's like my husband. Quite a workaholic. Very ambitious. Can't stop studying. Has every degree & certification under the sun. They're collaborating on some of their research at the moment.

My husband doesn't worry about B. He thinks this guy will settle down eventually etc...

3) C.: Finnish dentist. Origin is Kurdish/Iranian. K's ex-gf is this guy's cousin or something. They met through her.

The only one who didn't fly out for the wedding. But he hangs out at our place more than the others. Feels free to drop by for tea & sheesha anytime. Haven't talked to him much because of the language barrier. He knows very little Arabic & his English is so bad I wonder how he manages to work here.

He & B. are the ones who went on that tour of Europe.

Why would someone still be good friends with his ex's cousin?

Those are the 3 that worry me most. The others - the non-Muslim, non-Middle Easterners - are actually quite sane. So much for so-called ME conservatism.

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18 Comments:

Blogger Sou said...

Why are you worried about them they are not angels i know but have the cons and pros of any one of us. I guess the only negtive side is that u seem you do need to spend some time with them.
However it is nice you are involved.

10/08/2006 01:30:00 AM  
Blogger 2B || ! 2B ® said...

friends ummmm, afterall they seem to be decent and loyal and they are sharing a lot together.

also it seems that they had a long history way before you first meet K as you mentioned, i think it's a good thing to have such close friends.

i can't find anything to worry about :) maybe because i really appreciate friendship :) any way i think you have nothing to worry about. so cool down and don't overthink it.

10/08/2006 03:56:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

2 B || ! 2 B ®,

I don't think you'll find many wives who will not worry about the husband spending all this time with men who drink heavily, pass girls around like a box of tissues & drive like maniacs.

Once I said to B. please don't corrupt my husband. He said he's been trying to corrupt my husband for years and it didn't work.

They may not be bad people necessarily but their lifestyle is incompatible with ours. And we see them too much. Something's got to give.

10/08/2006 08:19:00 AM  
Blogger programmer craig said...

I don't think you'd find many husbands who would be happy with their wives hanging out with wild single women and wilder single guys, either! Your frustration is perfectly udnerstandable, LouLou. I wish there was some advice I could give you besides just waiting for him to settle down :(

10/08/2006 09:25:00 AM  
Blogger Alina said...

Lou, I am pretty sure he is only keeping past relationships without doing the same as they do. I quite admire him for being able to have such friends and love you and treat you the way he does. Like I said before, if he wanted what they had, he would have never married you! When their behavior will become tiring and look like what it is, plain stupid, he will start spending less time with them.

10/08/2006 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger Twosret said...

K. married you and he sounds like a faithful not so wild husband. He takes you with him when he goes out with his friends. I don't think it will be wise to push these guys away and make a stink over it.

I would rather see you involved in this group despite the fact that it is not fun to be with the guys and their multiple girl-friends, than to be uninformed and he goes out with them alone.

In the meantime, try to keep him busy with other friends or things you do together. Once you move or have a baby your life will change and you won't have time for wild friends.

Don't listen to your crazy friend her advice is explosive :)

10/08/2006 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

have you talked to him about not having so much to do w/ these guys? i can understand how you feel and wouldn't want my husband being best buds w/ guys like these either.

have you ever thought about coming out and saying something to this guy B who puts down women all the time? would he attack you verbally if you did this?

10/08/2006 01:47:00 PM  
Blogger roora said...

me too I worried, it is not nice that his best friends are all drinkers .. no religous concious ?

We are raised up to know that there are some stuff that our minds can't even approach ..like the drinking. so this really shocked me in your post.

Even though we are not angels and we may make mistakes out of weakness , but I hope non of us would ever approach to this level InshaaAllah.

i am with you in worrying from them for K.

Maybe you and K. should give it a try that he would be the one who has the postive influence on his friends and he is the one who would help them to change the way they behave. suggest that on him, that he would advice them on religous basis and on healthy and social basis. Maybe it works. Rabena m3aki

10/08/2006 06:06:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

tooners,

"have you talked to him about not having so much to do w/ these guys?"

Have you ever tried telling a 33-yr-old male who he should be friends with?It wouldn't go down very well.

What's more, I can't blame him. When he criticizes my friends I go ballistic.

"have you ever thought about coming out and saying something to this guy B who puts down women all the time? would he attack you verbally if you did this?'

We've had a couple of heated arguments, yes. He wouldn't attack me - verbally or otherwise. Not in my husband's presence anyway. But he's very provocative & I don't enjoy listening to his view so I try not to engage him anymore.

Craig,

You're right. I can't think of anything to do that wouldn't make the situation worse. I usually don't let them get to me as much as they do these days. It's just that their behavior is especially offensive & jarring now because we're in Ramadan.

10/08/2006 11:27:00 PM  
Blogger Jannah said...

"her advice is explosive" LOOOL

Gamda ya Two~!

10/09/2006 04:06:00 AM  
Blogger Twosret said...

Jannah,

Hatwadi el bent fee khabar kan :)

10/09/2006 08:16:00 AM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

if you go ballistic if he says anything about your friends and don't want to hear it, then i can understand your not being able to say anything to him about his. personally, it's all a choice. if he chooses this or these friends, then it's his choice... same as you.

not much you can do about it.

10/12/2006 02:43:00 PM  
Blogger Forsoothsayer said...

yeah there's not much u can do to get rid of the friends or counsel against them...i'm guessing he still likes them despite their shortcomings because they're fun. it's hard to find fun people. da gheir inoo maybe he doesn't mind the drinking...probably just makes them more fun. it's not like they're snorting coke. i don't think they could corrupt him now since they haven't yet (but then your depiction of K makes him come off as a pretty big chauvinist anyway).

maxxed out wants to move to dubai...you should introduce him to your husband as a much nicer dentist friend :)

10/14/2006 05:20:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

K might say chauvinistic things occasionally but he does respect me. He's a gentleman. I can't picture him treating women the way his friends do. If I could we wouldn't be married.

10/14/2006 10:42:00 PM  
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