Sunday, June 18, 2006

World Cup

Dear Wife,

1) From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2) During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions.

3) If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4) During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone.

5) It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV in the afternoon, unless they replay a good game that I missed.

6) Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so-called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a divorce.

7) You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8) The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9) Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10) But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11) The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12) And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.

Thank you for your cooperation,
Your Loving Husband

9 Comments:

Blogger Alina said...

Very funny, Lou! Altough I must say I know a girl who would dedicate this letter to her future husband, if he is not a football lover. She has made a career as a sports reporter and she is crazy about football! If she finds a husband with her passion, all these leagues and cups will actually mean extreme quality time spent together :D

6/18/2006 09:41:00 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

Am cutting and pasting to send to my boyfriend!! Thankfully he only has to deal with my obession every four years. I don't know what it is...there's something about the world cup that brings out the mania in me. I've had to reschedule SO many things since the ninth!

6/18/2006 09:46:00 PM  
Blogger Rain said...

OMG!!!!
Seriously Lou,how do u deal with it??!!!!!!!!
i think the only thing u can do so that u won't have a nervous break down is to cope with him!

6/19/2006 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger Cliche~ said...

HAHAHAHAHAAH


I M SPEECHLESS!!!! I must say hats off for the time effort, and creativity given to put together this letter..

for sweet revenge sign up to a yoga a class for the next coupleof weeks..and just double ur outdoor activities!

6/19/2006 01:00:00 AM  
Blogger Alluring said...

I'm so darn thankful my fiance is not into football or sports altogether!

Going to the gym 3 times a week is as far as he would get near any sports :D

6/19/2006 01:12:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Guys,

My husband didn't write this.:)

A friend forwarded it to me. I found it funny & true so I sent it to him with a dedication & then decided to share it with you guys.

He IS pretty crazy about football. Am not but I grew up with 4 football maniacs(Dad & brothers) so I know better than to make the mistakes in this list.

Cliche,

K couldn't/wouldn't write something this long to save his life! Unless it's something work-related.

In response to a 6000-line email am lucky if I get like 3 lines back. Or he'll just wait until I call him & then tell me what he wanted to say in response. I mean I love the guy to death but I don't kid myself that he's a writer.

6/19/2006 07:31:00 AM  
Blogger Rain said...

*Sigh* :D:D

6/19/2006 10:09:00 AM  
Blogger doshar said...

very funny...
i knew reading this that this is not K, not his style. i guess we all got to know him well from your posts.

actually... i would love to watch all the matches too... a few days ago i was out in a place where there was a big screen and a match on... and i totally left the ongoing convesation to follow. it really is important. and the guy here is not pushing it awy... it does come about every 4 years.... so he should enjoy it right?

6/19/2006 02:25:00 PM  
Blogger stillsmokin' said...

AMAZING begad!!! i forwarded it to all the married couples i know :)

6/25/2006 02:32:00 PM  

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