Monday, October 27, 2008

Talking

Me: So you're really staying?

Him(smiling): You ask me that everyday.

Me: Well?

Him: The answer is that's the plan. Unless something happens.

Me: Inshallah khair.

Him: Ameen.

Me: Thanks for sharing your plans.

He gives me a look and chooses not to answer. I really can't help what came out next.

Me: K?

Him: Aiwa?

Me: I don't believe you.

Him: Eh da mish momkin. Ya sheikha 2ooly kalam ghair da.

Me: I should have known you'd just make fun.

Him: Ma ana 3arif in inti mish bitsada2i(I knew you wouldn't believe it). 3ashan kida ba2alik kteer btisa'ali wi ba2ali kteer mish 3ayez arod 3laiki(That's why I didn't want to answer). Mish 3arif assassan btisa'ali leh winti mitgawiza wa7id kadab belshakl da (I don't know why you bother to ask when you're married to such a liar).

Me : La ya K. Am not calling you a liar.

Him: 7ilw 2wi(Good). Motashakireen ya sitti(Thanks). 7aith kida ba2a lama a2oolik ini hafdal gambik tisada2ini(So you should believe me). Wi tseebik ba2a min film elro3b illy inti mish btizha2i mino da(and stop living in fear).

Me: I don't think you mean to lie to me. But like you said, you have plans. You always do. You're not so great at sharing them, though. If things change, you will make new plans and there's no reason for me to think I'll get a vote then. I mean, I didn't get a vote when you decided to leave. Or when you decided to come back. Like you've been saying these past few days, you'll stay as long as you want to. And I don't know how long that is. It's scary to feel I have no control over my own life like that. Especially now.

Him: Yah danti shayla mini 2wi.(Wow you've really been holding grudges)

Me (tearing up): Am not just trying to be selfish or to get my own way or whatever. I just really don't think I get along too well without you, K.

I hear him muttering what sounds like a curse. And I think, great, I've ruined yet attempt at a real convo by turning on the waterworks, which he hates. But when I look up he's holding out his arms. I go over and he pulls me down on his lap, holding me tight. I manage to stop crying.

He doesn't say anything. Really doesn't say much of very much, does my husband.

Me: Do you always have to do what you want?

Him: What I want, L, what I always wanted, was to be with you. That's what I wanted. We both wanted the same thing. Why can't you see that? The conflict was between what we both wanted and what I thought was right.

Me: So you think it's wrong for you to be here now?

Him: Not exactly. You're my wife, you're pregnant. Inti kaman liki 7a2ik wana mish 3ayiz afdal azlimik ma3aya aktar min kida. But my parents need help and N (his sis) is so flaky sometimes. It's not a good situation. But hey, I can't be in 2 countries at the same time. We just have to make the best of things and hope we won't be stuck here too long. Wi rabina yostor.

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3 Comments:

Blogger N said...

he's a sweetheart :)

10/27/2008 06:36:00 PM  
Blogger Nermeen said...

Yea, He really is a sweetheart!
And so are you! =)

Im jus curious to know how did you guys get to know eachother? Tell us the story! =p

10/29/2008 12:00:00 AM  
Blogger suha said...

You two need to acknowledge each other's needs .
You may score high on love but your score on empathy and communication is rather low !

Inshallah this separation will end soon but the lack in understanding each other's needs may linger on , watch out !

10/29/2008 02:28:00 PM  

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