Friday, October 24, 2008

Timing

This morning I opened my eyes just in time to see him open his eyes. We woke up together, literally. Almost.

I can't believe he's here.

I can't stop saying that to him.

Now it's almost 2:00 am. He just fell asleep. And I am sitting here torn between waking him up so he can eat the sandwiches he said he wanted and then fell asleep in the time it took me to make - and just watching him sleep. I can't decide which I want to do more and it actually hurts that I can't do both.

It's been so long since I've had options like that.

Two pillars of my existence these days: that he's here and that am pregnant. And it's like I have to state both facts for myself a hundred times everyday for fear that all of a sudden through some unseen twist of fate they would both cease to be true. After all, for years, they were not and I'd gotten used to that I guess.

I am afraid, yes.

I am afraid.

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3 Comments:

Blogger suha said...

Stop worrying about the future and just take things day by day .
You posted once a quote :

ويقدرون و تضحك الأقدار

So take it easy on yourself and have faith in God's plan for you .

Did you ever expect a visit to the dentist to change your life that much !

10/25/2008 09:44:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Suha,

I had to laugh because no one has ever accused me of not worrying about the future. That is what I do best.:)

These moods do occasionally grip me - especially when am up alone at night. I almost don't want to let him sleep at all because being sleepless and alone reminds me so much of all those nights when he was away.

But that would not be practical or fair. And you're right, I should try to be more in touch with my faith.

I am struggling not to let that period of seperation traumatize me for life.

And no, one doesn't normally expect so much excitement from a visit to the dentist.:)

10/25/2008 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

the bad thing about pregnancy is that things, no matter the size, tends to affect you in a very big way.

the good thing is that he's there w/ you now... just try to take one day at a time, enjoy your pregnancy and the love between the two of you, and have faith that all things will work out, altho it may not be in your time frame.

how's the pregnancy going? have you been shopping or started to think about the baby's room?

10/26/2008 04:06:00 PM  

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