Saturday, August 02, 2008

Second Time

For the second time, I am pregnant.

For the second time, it is a shock.

I go to the doctor on an unrelated matter. And I hear about medications I should or shouldn't take at this stage in the pregnancy.

And I am asking: what pregnancy?

And getting a funny look.

For the second time.

And for the second time, I am feeling numb.

I should be happy.

I should be scared.

I should be so many things that I'm not.

I came home from the doctor's and went to sleep.

Then I woke up and watched TV for hours.

I never watch TV for hours.

I didn't see anyone. Or answer my cell - which is in my bag in the closet.

I haven't spoken a word since I heard.

It is stupid to feel so shocked.

When this is what I wanted for so long.

And after everything I did to bring it about.

And after all the fighting.

I guess because I have been trying for so long and nothing happened, I stopped expecting it.

I got used to thinking of myself as someone pregnancy doesn't happen to.

Better than thinking of my body as something dysfunctional that kills babies.

I am in my 5th week apparently.

Next week will be the 6th week.

My miscarriage happened in the 6th week.

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11 Comments:

Blogger Maxxed`ouT said...

mabrouk :)

8/02/2008 06:10:00 AM  
Blogger Mansourawy said...

wow mabrouk ya LouLou. esa rabena yetamemha 3aleky belkheir

8/02/2008 08:09:00 AM  
Blogger Rain said...

mabrook ya Loulou :)

The first miscarriage happened cause u didn't know it was there from the first place and u were running that's why it happened...just be careful and everthing will be ok :))

You'll feel alot of things in the process , just wait till the little one starts kicking, and i hope morning sickness will be easy on you ...good luck and take care.

8/02/2008 08:33:00 PM  
Blogger Leaflet said...

mabrook!

8/03/2008 06:37:00 AM  
Blogger The Queen said...

'The first miscarriage happened cause u didn't know it was there from the first place and u were running that's why it happened...just be careful and everthing will be ok :))'

I'm sorry, but don't listen to that bit of advise. That makes it sound like your miscarriage was your fault which, of course, it wasn't. It just happens. Women in the most dire, malnourished physically and mentally stressful situations have babies everyday.

Just take care of yourself and be happy. Congratualtions.

8/03/2008 05:34:00 PM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

i found myself fearing, like you, when i got pregnant the second time. i love the first around 3 mths, and when my 3rd month was getting close w/ the 2nd, i was terrified. but... all was ok.

it is a shock... i was shocked as well... and it takes a while for that to wear off. have you told your husband?? have you told anyone yet?

congratulations...!! take a deep breath... YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!! :)

8/03/2008 11:17:00 PM  
Blogger Puppy said...

Ooppsss :)

Congratulations!!! :)

Main thing is to tell your husband now, that explains ur numbness.

8/04/2008 08:10:00 AM  
Blogger Ahlame Samaraa said...

Alf Alf Mabrouk.
Please start taking some vitamins, Omega 3 and surtout surtout Folic Acid.
Don't have bad thoughts, send good vibes to your baby. I bet he/she as scared as you are. He is going through so many changes and he counts on you for leading him to a safe shore.

Good luck to you
Bisou

Ahlame

8/05/2008 12:06:00 AM  
Blogger Shams said...

Mabrook Loulou, so happy for you.

I read the new post above this one, one advise, JUST BE HAPPY!!! don't overlook anything and just be happy.

8/05/2008 02:36:00 AM  
Blogger Me ® said...

mabrooook :) i'm so happy for u :D

8/06/2008 09:50:00 AM  
Blogger Nerro said...

Alf mabrouk. rabena yetamemlek 3ala kheir isa :)

8/12/2008 05:55:00 PM  

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