K : Hello?
K : You're sleeping? What time is it there?
K : Late night?
K : Did you go out after we spoke last night?
K : Where do you go after midnight?
Me: I went to a club, K. Where else?
K : To do what?
Me: What do people usually do at clubs?
K : They drink and get picked up.
Me: Or they dance.
K : Who do you dance with?
Me: Why are you asking?
K : Because you're my wife. I'm curious about who you dance with all night when you're out clubbing without me. It's very interesting to me.
Me: Who do you want me to dance with?
K : Ana illy basa'al ya L.
Me: I dance with friends, K.
K : Do they have names?
Me: Yes. Names that you already know. Same people I always dance with. No one new.
K : Well, stop it.
K : You heard me. This has got to stop.
Me: What has got to stop?
K : You going out clubbing every night. You're a married woman. You're in your 30's. Your father-in-law is dying. And you're out dancing every night. It's wrong and as of now, it's going to stop.
Me: This is how you see it?
K : This is how everybody sees it. Everybody except you.
Me: Everybody? Somebody's been talking about me and you've been listening?
K : Ma7addish yi2dar yitkalim 3laiki 2osadi winti 3arafa kida kwais awi.
Me: Then what?
K : You're in every Facebook party photo in Abu Dhabi.
K : Eh? Sakta leh?
Me: I don't know. I'm shocked I guess.
K : By what? You didn't know?
Me: I'm not on Facebook much.
K : No of course not. Where would you get the time? You're obviously very busy.
Me: I'm sorry. I should have been more careful.
K : Yeah, I'll say.
Me: K, I'm really sorry. It was stupid. I wasn't thinking.
K : Do you know how my family would feel if they see this sort of thing?
Me: You told me to stop and I will. There's no need to keep beating me up about it. I have tried to be supportive to your family as much as I can from where I am. I talk to them all the time. And I am very sorry about your father. If I gave the impression that I'm not then it was stupid of me and I'm sorry about that. You know why I'm doing what I'm doing and it's not because I don't feel for you or your family. What more can I say?
K : Khalas, khalas.
K : Bossi ana ta3ban wi 2arfan wi khalas ma ba2itsh 3arif hala2eeha mnain wala mnain.
Me : I'm sorry.
K : Yeah.
Me : I love you, K.
K : Tayeb. Aseebik ba2a tkamili nom.
Me : You don't want to talk anymore?
K : Ma3laish. Kefaya kida dilwa2ti.
Me : Ok.
So that was that. The irony is that ever since his father got sick, I've been wishing he'd open up and talk to me about how he's coping. And he hasn't. He's completely shut me out. And when does he finally open up? When I do something stupid and let him down. When I feel so guilty and crappy about what I've done that I can't think of anything to say. Other than I'm sorry, which feels so inadequate.
I did check Facebook and email everyone I know who has pics of me up and ask them to take them down. Just checked again and most of them seem to be gone. Which is nice of them. Don't blame them really. They didn't mean anything. Can't blame anyone other than myself for this. It is so hard being at home without him. I hate this big, empty apartment. It makes me feel like I can't breathe. But I was selfish to think only of my feelings and not his.
I called him a little while ago and he didn't pick up. I am so worried about him. He sounded awful.