Friday, July 04, 2008

Sleepy

Was not a happy camper when I got up for work last Monday. So exhausted. Had had about 2 hrs of sleep. But I'd already missed Sunday because of the on-going attack of insomnia. Couldn't call in sick again.

To make matters worse, I'd fallen asleep on the smaller couch in the living room. We have a two-seater and a three-seater and I'd picked the two-seater to sleep on. Not comfortable for someone of my height. So I had all sorts of muscle cramps and a splitting headache to go with the sleep-deprivation.

But I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower all the same. The water helped a bit. Got dressed for work. Actually had the door open. But something made me decide I wanted to be late. I convinced myself a cup of strong coffee and two cigarettes would clear my head and make me a safer driver than I usually am in the mornings.

So there I was standing in the kitchen about to pour out the coffee when I heard the key turning in the front door. I just froze still holding the container of hot coffee out of the coffee maker over my mug. I'd given the spare key to my friend who was staying with me a while back but I distinctly remembered her returning it. And the only other person who had a key was supposed to be in Sweden.

But he wasn't in Sweden. I stood there as the door opened and I heard him come in. I didn't move when I heard the door close behind him. It was so surreal. I remember wondering if I was really awake yet or if all of this was happening in a dream. God knows I'd had enough of those dreams.

Then he was standing infront of me, taking the coffee container out of my hand and setting it down. Then taking me in his arms and just holding me, squeezing so hard it hurt.

I guess he sensed the unnatural stillness because the hug ended abruptly. Instead I felt his hands in my hair, pushing it out of my face and tilting my face up to him, the way he always does when he isn't sure what I'm thinking or is about to ask me questions he thinks I might not want to answer.

He asked if I was ok. All I could do was ask him why he didn't tell me. My voice sounded funny. I sounded like I had something in stuck in my throat.

He said he wasn't sure until the last minute that he could make it, and didn't want to tell me and then have to cancel. I asked if he couldn't have called me before he got on the plane. He said I would have been asleep. I said no I wouldn't have. He said well I didn't want to wake you if you were.

And he started talking, telling me when the idea came up, how he made all the arrangements sounding really pleased with himself. And at some point, I tuned it all out. Was just watching. I was so starved for that, for just looking at him.

At some point he realized I wasn't listening. He went silent for a second then said let me take you inside. I nodded my head. He leaned down and picked me up off the floor. I had the stupid thought he must really be here because I'm being carried around. No one else has carried me around since I was about 7 or 8.

The funny thing is, once we were in bed, sleep - which had completely eluded me for days before - suddenly descended on me. I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. I started crying in his arms because I so desperately wanted to sleep but just as desperately wanted him. He was saying it was ok, that he will stay with me, that we had time. I wanted to ask how much time but I fell asleep before I could.

I slept for almost 5 hours and woke up still in his arms.

He left this afternoon. We didn't have nearly enough time for everything I wanted to do with him.

And after those first 5 hours, I didn't sleep at all. 4 days. Not even when he slept.

So right now I'm back on the couch - the bigger one this time. Not yet ready to face the bed now that he's gone. I have sand inside both lids. Here's hoping I crash for a long, long time.

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11 Comments:

Blogger N said...

i love how in love you are :)

may your days get easier and your time apart be short

7/05/2008 02:23:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Thanks N.

Today I love how in love I am too.)

7/05/2008 09:39:00 PM  
Blogger SamSeven said...

Wow what a sweet-heart. I love how you stuck up for Dubai on the SM blog. The post pissed me off so much that I didn't even leave a comment plus what more could I have said after your comment.

7/06/2008 03:09:00 AM  
Blogger Rambling Hal said...

I get goosebumps from every post of yours I read. And like Samseven, I read your comment on SM's blog and I couldn't help it....I had to copy it, paste it in a word document, and save it for a future rainy day. Because only two days ago, I got a job offer in Abu Dhabi that I'm 99 percent sure I want to take. :D I'm so excited about all of it, I just don't know where to start!

Anyway, I was wondering if there's an e-mail address I can contact you on, maybe ask a few quick questions, and also, I'll have to buy furniture soon and you're in the process of selling things off, no? Of course, I completely understand if you'd rather not, I do very much respect your anonymity, but whatever you decide, my email address is halakhalaf@gmail.com and I'd love to hear from you!

:D

7/06/2008 11:11:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Hala,

Mabrook 3ala your job offer! I am jealous though because you get to come here and I have to leave. :)

Email me at renderingofme@yahoo.com. I will try to answer your questions as well as I can and if there is something I can't do I will let you know. :)

7/06/2008 03:02:00 PM  
Blogger Rambling Hal said...

Loulou thank you so much! I'll be sure to e-mail you soon then :D

7/06/2008 06:14:00 PM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

what an incredible, fabulous surprise!!

i love how he carried you around and how you fell asleep in his arms. there's something about a person, when an insomniac can fall asleep in their arms!! i'm right in that boat w/ you. :)

so how did work take you not going in? did they say anything to you?

how's everything w/ your going there working out?... to sweden?

here's to hoping that the next time he comes, it'll be for longer.

7/06/2008 10:27:00 PM  
Blogger Puppy said...

:)

Finally :)

Very good surprise!

Life is getting better isnt it?

7/07/2008 08:02:00 AM  
Blogger Ma 3lina said...

I could not help my tears... that was the sweetest thing ever....

how u slept in his arms .. the surprise he arranged for u everything...

God bless u both we ygm3kom soon isa

7/07/2008 03:34:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Um Naief,

I didn't actually think to call work until Tuesday. Had my cell switched off. My manager wasn't happy to start with but when I explained, he was really sweet about it. Turns out he has a romantic side I didn't know about.:)

I'll have to make up the hours of course but that's ok, I have plenty of time now.

We still don't know anything about my visa. We expect some news in August. If it's good news, I can start making travel arrangments and hopefully be out of here before Ramadan. Fingers crossed.

7/07/2008 04:33:00 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

I've come visiting you after finding you at N's
What a beautiful post this is...
Very sensual & as N said - I love how much love oozes out of your pages...

God bless you & take care of you & him.
Cheers,
J

7/11/2008 01:30:00 PM  

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