Friday, October 19, 2007

Mirrors

Everytime I look in the mirror, I am unconsciously looking for him.

Every single time, I have to catch myself & tell my subconscious self to stop looking because he's not there.

My husband has a thing about mirrors. The result is that after a year or so of marriage, the simple act of looking in the mirror has developed mental associations that no estranged wife should be asked to deal with on a daily basis. I've grown unaccustomed to standing infront of the mirror & not getting hit on right where am standing.

And even when we wouldn't actually be doing anything my parents didn't raise me to do infront of the mirror, well, we lived together, no? We shared a bedroom. He was bound to be in the mirror somewhere behind me. Sleeping, dressing, undressing, eating, reading, watching TV, talking on the phone etc....One way or the other, he's in the picture.

So now it's like something is permanently missing from the picture. Like someone took a pair of scissors & cut out this big ugly hole. It's really frustrating because it keeps you from seeing the whole thing .

Only the picture in the mirror is supposed to be me, no?

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2 Comments:

Blogger Alina said...

Beautiful post, Lou!

It still is you. But as he and your love is part of your soul, maybe your image is just trying to reflect what's on the inside. Thus, he should be in the picture you have of yourself.

10/19/2007 03:19:00 PM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

i agree... i think this is beautiful. makes my heart sad... and feels me with longing.

have you thought about putting some pics of him on the mirror? i know it's not the same... but maybe it would help a bit.

10/21/2007 12:05:00 PM  

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