I never thought that anything would make me feel I want to quit blogging. But lately everytime I come to my blog, I find myself going through my blogroll, reading what other people say about Lebanon. And then I don't feel like saying anything at all.
It could be the overdose of it. I do live in the Middle East after all. And Lebanon is what everyone is talking about these days. Because it's on the news and also because everyone seems to be either Lebanese or they have family in Lebanon or they know someone who is there now. It is summertime. Who stays in the Gulf in summer?So lots of talk about who got out, who is getting out, who is in Syria stuck & can't get a reservation back, who was going to Lebanon but cancelled, who has investments in Lebanon, who was going to invest but changed their mind etc....It never ends.
There are even people who have already started talking about reconstruction, about business opportunities etc...War is and has always been a business - in addition to everything else that war is. And then of course the streets are full of big boards with images of broken bodies & destruction & calls to donate & help the victims. You see the same images in the newspapers, on TV, everywhere.
Then there is all the emotion and politics of it. The anger, the calls for revenge. The grief - for those who are touched by this in ways that I am not. Sometimes I start asking myself if anything could ever make me like that. I've never actually known those feelings, that kind of hate. I've never wanted or needed another person's death. Never. So I look at expressions of such emotions the way I look at someone who has a repulsive terminal sickness. You feel sympathy for them but at the same time you're glad it isn't you. And you're scared that you might someday catch it.
I am so sick of it. I know I have no right to say that because I am one of the lucky people on this earth who have never experienced war or hate & violence on that scale. I've always lived in peace. So who am I to say am tired of it? And if I am so awfully tired of watching from a distance how can others bear to live through it - again and again?