Think About Love
My friend R. is very much in love with a girl we know. He's been going on & on about it for a while & driving us all crazy & we've been pushing him to speak up, tell the girl & get it over with so we can have some peace.
Well he did tell her a couple of weeks back. He also asked her to marry him. That's just the sort of person he is. She told him that he'd surprised her. And that she needs time to think. And she still hasn't given him an answer - not even an answer on how she feels about him. He can't get a straight answer out of her.
R. is getting frustrated. Today he was telling me that he doesn't believe she loves him because you don't think about love. It's either there or it's not, that 2 weeks is more than enough to know if you love someone. That it's not like they're strangers who need to get to know each other. And that even if she says yes now it won't be because she loves him for himself. It will be just because she wants to get married. R. is very wealthy so he always has this complex that girls chase him for money not himself because of some negative past experiences etc...Poor, little rich boy & all. He was very depressed. And I think his mind is more or less made up to tell her to forget it he can't wait any longer.
Feeling bad for him. Don't want him to do that. If the girl said she needs time then he should give her time. Maybe she loves him but she's afraid of commitment & needs to get used to the idea. I think the fact that she didn't say no outright seems a good sign. Don't want him to rush into withdrawing. Thinking about maybe having a talk with the girl.
So can you think yourself into loving someone?Not sure what I think. I have major fear of commitment issues myself but when K. said he loved me & asked me how I felt about him I couldn't say anything other than that I loved him. Even if I hadn't said it. Am sure he would have known. I don't think it's something you can hide. So he knew I wanted time to be sure we're not rushing into anything, that we have the basis for something long-term but he always knew I wasn't immune to him. The fact that R. is so depressed indicates to me that he isn't getting any such vibes from the girl. My instinct/heart/female intuition tells me that if she loved him he would know. If I was in his place I would react like him. If someone told me they need time to think about whether they love me I'd take it as a no and I wouldn't wait.
Didn't tell him that though. Didn't have the heart. Just told him not to do anything rash he might regret later and tried to make him feel better, more optimistic.
Interesting question though. Can you think about love?