Friday, November 18, 2005

Grounded

At this age. At 29 I'm grounded. Mama insists that am going to rest this weekend. Tried to go out after work today & she just completely lost her temper & started yelling about how I know am supposed to rest & if I don't care about myself then don't I care about her & doesn't she have enough to worry about etc....Then she started crying. Hate it when mothers do that. It's the ultimate weapon. You HAVE to do what she wants then. Emotional blackmail.

So am home today - not because am feeling in the least bit tired. Just because I think she must be. Mom doesn't freak out like that very often. She must be really stressed. The funny thing is no one else stepped out of the house today. Not even my Dad. No one wants to get on her wrong side today.

My Mom is cute really. It's funny the way she's the smallest person in our house but it's so deceptive. We all take after Dad in height & tower over her. Even my little sister is taller than Mom now & still growing. But she's a formidable little lady. She rules the house with an iron fist. What she says goes.

So today was family day. No going out. And no visitors too. Except for K & he's not really a visitor. He's part of the family now. Mom was complaining to him about me - that if I don't sleep am going to get sick again etc...& he kept agreeing with her also complaining that I was midawakhah(making him dizzy). I think she scared him too. If he's too scared to argue with Mom then he's definitely an official part of the family now!

We're both happy that she's not blaming him this time. That's because he's been bringing me home by midnight like Cinderella. Am pleased that he charmed my Mom even if he did stab me in the back to do it!

I don't think he minded spending the day at our house as much as I did. He said it was like spending the day at home with his family - something he doesn't get to do very often. I keep forgetting that he's been living alone for years.

The other noteworthy event in my life - and a day at home is pretty noteworthy for me - was yesterday. Am still not over that. My aunt(as in married to my father's brother) asked me to take her along next time I go to see the designer who is working on my wedding dress. Had no reason to be suspicious of this because my aunt is this high-fashion lady who would die if she or one of her daughters weren't wearing the latest fashion all the time. But at the shop, while I was trying on the dress she paid for it!She said it was a wedding present from her & my uncle to me & my husband.

Am so totally mortified!No one has ever given me a present this expensive before. It was such a shock!And I couldn't do anything about it because she did it while I was being fitted. All I could do was thank her. It would be incredibly rude to try to pay her back even though that's what I want to do.

My parents are really embarrassed too - except that they agree the only thing to do now is to wait until one of my cousins gets married & buy them something in the same price range. It's certainly not the kind of money you can spend on a birthday present. God I hope my cousins get married soon. I won't feel better about this until we've somehow repaid it.Infact now that am getting into this whole match-making thing maybe I should think about hooking them up if they don't get a move on soon?

The strange thing is I didn't think my uncle was too pleased about my marriage because the guy is not from Morocco. I know he had objections that he discussed with my Dad. I also know that a couple of years back he refused his daughter's marriage a to someone she was pretty partial to for more or less the same reason. And he gave me a hint too before me & K were married. Nothing direct. He just started telling me stories about how when people from different countries get married & have children things become very complicated if things don't work out & they get a divorce etc....And a lot of stuff about culture clashes etc...And I remember telling K. about this culture clash stuff because it was something me & him had never discussed until that point. It had just never been an issue. It still isn't. Just thought I'd ask him to see if the same thought had ever occurred to him. He just gave me a blank look so I guess not.

I think in this day & age of globalization education & social class count for a lot more than culture really. I expect I'd have a much tougher time getting along with someone from the same culture but a different social class than with K. There would be different tastes, different attitudes to religion, morality etc... an all-around bigger potential for clashes than just nationality.

So I guess I should be impressed that my uncle & my aunt are being so generous despite the fact that they don't think the marriage is a good idea?

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14 Comments:

Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

Lou,

What a nice gesture from your aunt, do people like that still exist??!! im surprised walahi, i dont know of anyone who might do something like that, but you deserve all the best :)

About the culture difference, im one of the people who are against it, dont get me wrong, im not judging you and K, just talking in general. For some how the same reasons your uncle gave your dad, and not only that, my thoughts went to the children too, what dialect will they be talking? would they be able to uderstand both families perfectly? where would the families have their vacations?

Living in Dubai, as you know, makes us run into many examples of that sort, my brother is in the exact same situation as you & K, but his gf's accent is very refined, i understand her perfectly, but there are some words that she doesnt get in the egyptian dialect and some of the sense of humour, she has been living here for a handful of yrs now, her family is in Morroco though, but she's doing a great job in learning.

I guess you never really felt that coz its totaly the opposite for you, you havent been around his family yet, and you live with yours. When my mom called her mom, unfortunetly they didnt understand each other whatsoever, and my mom got even more concerned about the whole thing, but its going ok now.

Sorry i got carried away, i just relate to this because of my brother :)

11/18/2005 06:33:00 AM  
Blogger Nightlegend said...

There's no need to be so sensitive about your aunt's present ,she did a lovely thing and you & parents shouldn't be feeling ambarassed about ,you can give her daughter a suitable present upon her marriage that doesn't have to be in the same price level ,this is not competetion loulou ,I know that family rules are strict in this matter but you shouldn't make a very big deal out of it.

Glad to hear that your husband is going well along with your mom ,from your posts I noticed that you always go out and don't spend sometime with him at yourhome withyour family members ,that's something in my opinion you should have done long time ago and you can make it regular activity in the remaining pre wedding time if you can ,that's one of the manners to get your husband more closed to your parents.

Don't worry about your family members talks about different cultures & nationalities...etc ,that's pretty normal in the beguining and happens with any couple in the world with similar siuation ,and as you said your husband is a part of the family now.

11/18/2005 12:49:00 PM  
Blogger roora said...

Lou, I think it was sweet from you that you were grounded :) for the sake of your mom , and it is veen sweeter from K. who made her feel cool and ease with him that he agrees about her suggestion as well. you will get married soon ISA and she wants to make sure that you are ok , so being gounded is something really sweet.

As for the dress , if I was from you , I would n't just be impressed , it just shows how much people loves me as well , and how things are becoming so smooth for the mariage , don't wory about how to repay now:) , you will have the chance soon or later to repay them this nice gesture for their daughters soon ISA.

Lou, are you inviting us to the wedding by the way ? :) I wish by that time you can post some pictures of the wedding

11/18/2005 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Chari,

"what dialect will they be talking? would they be able to uderstand both families perfectly?"

That made me smile. If I tell you my family background it will make you dizzy.:)

Mama is not Moroccan you know. She's Algerian & that's the toughtest of all Arabic dialects to understand. To make it even more complicated - although Mama does speak Arabic - it's not her native language. That's Berber.

My siblings & I do understand all our relatives perfectly. We speak Arabic in 2 dialects & also Berber. Yes sometimes we get confused & use the wrong word in the wrong place & get teased about it but so what?It was never really a major problem for us.

I think the problem is like you said between older people - children pick up languages & dialects so easily.

As for vacations usually in summer my Mom would go to Algeria & my Dad to Morocco. And we'd get a choice - so some of us would end up here or there depending on how much fun we have in a given place & how many friends we made & how many kids our age etc...Mom also has relatives in Tunisia. Actually we really enjoyed it.

My uncle is different from my Dad. My uncle grew up & lived all his life in Morocco until about 5 or 6 years ago. His daughters still live in Morocco because they're at university there & when they come to visit here they hate it & get homesick. He and his wife are also terribly homesick & can't wait to leave here. So 3ammo is the guy who never left his hometown & married the girl next door(bint eljeeran).:)

My Dad - on the other hand - left Morroco for college in France at the age of 18. He stayed 15 years in France - where he met & married my Mom(she was also a student there) & had my 2 older brothers. Then my parents moved to Morocco for 2 years - and had me. Then we all moved here. My younger bro & sis were born here in UAE.

And so you see why the idea of a multicultural marriage for my Dad would be natural but not for my uncle.It's a matter of your perspective I guess.

So don't worry. ISA your bro & his gf will be fine if they decide to go along with it. And so will their children.

About K's family you're right. The only member of his family I've met in person so far has been his Mom. She & my parents did have problems understanding each other. Me & him had to translate a lot. His family seems to have a lot of faith in his choice but still until I've met them in person & formed some kind of relationship with them I will be a little worried about being accepted by them.

11/18/2005 06:00:00 PM  
Blogger Alina said...

Lou, the part with K being to scared to contradict your mom was absolutely delicious. So he switched sides, ha? :D

About the dress, don't worry about it now, just enjoy it and postpone the worries for later. As for the cultural differences, if it hasn't been a problem up to now, I am pretty sure it won't be later. As for, God forbid, a divorce, trust me they are messy even if people are from the same country...

11/18/2005 07:41:00 PM  
Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

Lou,

and here i was thinking that the algerian, morrocon and tunisian dialects are similar :(

I guess it has been easy for you since you live here in UAE, and the same goes for you & K, and my bro & his gf, you wont be moving to either countries, the transaltion part would be on occasions, and the vacation wouldnt be a problem till the kids to come are old enough to decide, and believe me, when there is will there is way, PLUS the love that joins the both of you makes a hell lot easier.

wish you all the best :)

11/18/2005 10:49:00 PM  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Loulou,
MAbrouk for the dress winshallah btithanneih feh ya rab ;) As for the differences i do not really see it a big deal for the people involved in the relation but i do see it a worry for both of their parents and family for it is something normal. Parents worry if their child is marrying a relative so what if they are marrying someone "unknown" to them and didn't have any previous supervision from them ?

Good luck ;)

11/19/2005 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Night,

"from your posts I noticed that you always go out and don't spend sometime with him at yourhome withyour family members "

Yes I need to spend more time at home for all sorts of reasons. He needs to get to know my family better & they need to know him. I need to spend more time with my sister. And my parents need to see me more because I know they will miss me. Lots of good reasons.

roora,

"so being gounded is something really sweet."

Am glad you think so.:)

"As for the dress , if I was from you , I would n't just be impressed ,"

I know. Am really touched now. Was just a bit overwhelmed at first because it was so unexpected. It is very sweet of them.

"Lou, are you inviting us to the wedding by the way ? :) "

Sure.:)

"I wish by that time you can post some pictures of the wedding "

Maybe if the pics turn out nice & I like them.:)

Kayla,

"So he switched sides, ha? :D"

Yes Kayla. He switched to the winning side. Quite the politician isn't he?:)

Chari,

"and here i was thinking that the algerian, morrocon and tunisian dialects are similar"

No. People justthink we're all similar because they can't understand any of us.:)

I think Tunisian is the easiest of the 3 and Algerian is the most difficult because Algerians speak so fast. Bas ya3ni we shouldn't exaggerate this too much. It's still the same language. If you're an Arabic speaker you get used to a new dialect pretty fast with practice.

When my uncle & his wife first moved here 5 years ago they couldn't understand a word of khaleeji. He had a really tough time at work because of this. Within a year they watch Khaleeji shows & listen to Hussein ElJismi & see no problem at all.

11/19/2005 01:59:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

ATC,

Allah yibarik feeki yarab. 3oqbalik. Yalla you & BM next ISA. And everyone here yarab.:)

11/19/2005 02:03:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderer said...

Mabrouk for the dress, you have a wonderful aunt & uncle, you have to be proud of them:)) Best wishes on you special day:)

As for the cultural difference, after reading your reply to Chari, I felt you are such a multi-cultural family and I think you will do fine.

My husband & I are Egyptians, however, my 5 year old son, speaks 2 different dialects. He hardly knows what is 3id or Ramadan spirit, cause we never spend them in Egypt. What I want to say is that, sometimes, kids suffer from cultural socks although the parents are from the same nationality. But still,kids can easily adapt:)

11/19/2005 09:38:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Wonderer,

" Mabrouk for the dress, you have a wonderful aunt & uncle, you have to be proud of them:)) Best wishes on you special day:)"

Allah yibarik feeki. Yes I know they are great. I will never forget this.:)

"What I want to say is that, sometimes, kids suffer from cultural socks although the parents are from the same nationality. But still,kids can easily adapt:)"

Good point Wonderer. Thanks.

11/20/2005 08:41:00 AM  
Blogger Me said...

Really happy for you Loul...mabrouk for the dress...really sweet of your uncle and aunt.. but also goes to show that you're a warm person whom they can't resist loving ;-)

"I think Tunisian is the easiest of the 3 and Algerian is the most difficult"

I love trying to understand dialects...Libyan is quite similar to Tunisian (I can even speak it quite well) so I've managed to understand tunisian and a bit of moroccan (from TV) ... but Algerian..uh oh...

PS. your mum sounds adorable

11/21/2005 03:36:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Meme,

" Really happy for you Loul...mabrouk for the dress."

Allah yibarik feeki. 3oqbalik.

"really sweet of your uncle and aunt.."

I know. It was so sweet the way she was planning it as a surprise. Keeping it so quiet. I could tell she really wanted to me to be surprised & pleased. So I was careful to look really happy despite the initial shock.:)

Am really proud of them. K was very touched too. He insisted on going over to thank them personally because even though the dress was for me they gave the present in his name too.

El7amdullilah I am surrounded by wonderful people.:)Allah yikhaleehum kulhum.

"but also goes to show that you're a warm person whom they can't resist loving ;-)"

Wow thank you.:) I'll try to take it that way.

"your mum sounds adorable."

Yes she is. Short & cute & cuddly. Just don't get in her bad books.;)

11/21/2005 08:03:00 AM  
Blogger Nerro said...

Mabrook ya Loulou, and best of luck ISA....well, I think your mom was right...u needed some rest...seriously ya3ni :)

Well I think there is kind of a Mom's code of conduct...they operate almost the same :) They are the best ever though...

11/21/2005 05:12:00 PM  

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