Conversations
Maybe writing down conversations is not such a great idea. It gives me a chance to reread & analyze them too much.
I have to admit that I've been thinking about this:
"Him: Ah bas da kan abl elgawaz. Ma kanshy yinfa3 a'ool ghair kida mana kaman 3ayez atfarag.
Me: And now?Khalas shib3an furja?
Him: Shab3an eh?Dilwa'ati ana atfarag zay mana 3ayez filbait. Aseeb ghairi yitfarag leh?Mish mudtar abadan.
Me: Are you serious?
Him: About what?
Me: That all the rules change now because we're married?
Him: It was a joke. You know. Haha?Don't make an issue out of it now. I'm not in the mood."
Was it really just a joke?Or his subconscious mind speaking?
posted by LouLou @ 2:21 AM
9 Comments:
He may be joking ,don't take it too seriously ,but I think this coversation is missing some parts ,he said(atfarag) ,yetfarag 3ala 2eh belzabt?
Does he mean he wants to see your hair and this was not allowed before you got married?
nightlegend,
"but I think this coversation is missing some parts"
This is just one part of the conversation. The part I didn't like.
I posted the whole conversation(or most of it) here.
"He may be joking ,don't take it too seriously"
Thanks for saying that.
"Does he mean he wants to see your hair and this was not allowed before you got married?"
No I don't cover my hair. He's talking about the way I dress generally - about letting me wear something too revealing(in his opinion) before but this not being allowed now.
What I mean is if he had a (serious) problem with something - like the way I dress - he should have said before so I know what to expect. And he didn't. I didn't think he was that conservative about these things. Don't like this new rules stuff. If it starts with clothes then who knows what it will be next?
Anyway I guess I should stop looking for bad news to spoil my good mood.
I have more clear image now ,I'll tell you something ,sometimes men(me included!) will feel more jealous as time flies by ,I know you don't like this and think of that as a new invented rule but sometimes people generaly not men only will change their minds about some issues due to changed circumstances ,he may saw that you now look more beautiful!
Another possibility:he had this ideas before marriage but he was fearing your rejections and refusal ,and he didn't want to heat things up ,so he waited till after marriage so you will be more ready to accept his demands because it's being requested by you husband ,not by your fiance or your boyfriend ,and I have repeat that again you hate that because it's new and you wanted it to be from the beguining ,but please take it easy ,try to discuss it softly with him ,you can make some changes if it's necessary but you can do it gradually meaning that a slow changes may will be satisfactory to him.
ATC,
"you were overdressed that he was speechless for a while...."
Actually you're right. I had forgotten about that incident. He did grumble a little then but I didn't pay much attention because really I agreed with him. That day I was dressed for shock value - to force him not to ignore me. It was something outside my usual taste & style & even I thought it was too much & was feeling shy & scared in it. So when he said eh da mish mumkin it didn't worry me because I knew it was a one-off & I knew I wasn't going to do it again.
Now the problem is my normal everyday style - things he's seen me wearing many times before. That's not so easy to change. Am old enough to have my own style & khalas be comfortable with it. And really am not used to anyone telling me what to wear.
" i know that we think it is crazy but at a certain level it is so true for it shows how much the man cares, loves, and cherish his wife (you)."
From reading what you wrote I guess your K does it too no?You seem to be very understanding about this mentality.
nightlegend,
Thanks for explaining things from a male point of view. You've answered me & I think you also answered what Bafadfad said about her fiance.
Sometimes I really think that Men are from Mars like Wonderer
was telling me not so long ago.
Am not going to do anything right now. Will wait to see if it was just a joke like he said. If it's really bothering him am sure he will mention it again. I hope he won't because I love clothes:(
So how was your birthday?Did you have a great time?
Bafadfad hi,
Thanks for visiting & sharing your thoughts.
"but i agree with nightlegend you can make some changes if it's so necessary for him after all its his right now after u become his. "
I don't agree that it is his right. Clothing is something very personal. When you are outside wearing something you're telling people something about yourself & your taste & style. No one looking at you will be thinking it's your fiance's or your husband's or your mother's taste. It's a form of self-expression.
And nothing is more uncomfortable than facing the world wearing something you don't like or think looks nice is it?
If it's something that is really bothering him & causing a lot of problems then yes I will make some changes but not a 100% change. And I won't be very happy about it.:(
I can't really comment on this except from a general point of view, since I'm not familiar with your culture. I think the people who said words to the effect of "it's a guy thing" are both right and wrong. It's normal for guys to want their wives to dress more conservatively after they get married, in my opinion. He doesn't want her advertising her wares, so to speak :)
I think husbands and wives BOTH have a right to ask their spouse not to dress in a way that embarrasses them, but that's where I draw the line. I mean, a married woman who dresses in a way that she attracts a lot of male attention is putting her husband in an awkward position, to say the least. And a guy who dresses like a homeless slob, when he's not, is probably making the wife unhappy. Some sort of reasonable agreement should be made on these issues.
But as for telling people how to dress... hell no. Attempting to control the behavior of your husband/wife is a disaster, and leads to a VERY unhappy marriage!
your husband sounds pretty unpleasant and seems to cause you vast amounts of unhappiness. maybe because you publish the details of your private lives for the whole world to comment on.
forsooth,
Thanks for your concern about my privacy. Appreciate it.
Craig,
"I can't really comment on this except from a general point of view, since I'm not familiar with your culture."
I thought ATC explained the cultural background pretty well. But it's not always a reliable indicator because even within the same culture people are not really carbon copies of each other & may still surprise you no matter how well you think you know the culture.
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