Monday, October 24, 2005

Conversations

Maybe writing down conversations is not such a great idea. It gives me a chance to reread & analyze them too much.

I have to admit that I've been thinking about this:

"Him: Ah bas da kan abl elgawaz. Ma kanshy yinfa3 a'ool ghair kida mana kaman 3ayez atfarag.
Me: And now?Khalas shib3an furja?
Him: Shab3an eh?Dilwa'ati ana atfarag zay mana 3ayez filbait. Aseeb ghairi yitfarag leh?Mish mudtar abadan.
Me: Are you serious?
Him: About what?
Me: That all the rules change now because we're married?
Him: It was a joke. You know. Haha?Don't make an issue out of it now. I'm not in the mood."

Was it really just a joke?Or his subconscious mind speaking?

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11 Comments:

Blogger Nightlegend said...

He may be joking ,don't take it too seriously ,but I think this coversation is missing some parts ,he said(atfarag) ,yetfarag 3ala 2eh belzabt?
Does he mean he wants to see your hair and this was not allowed before you got married?

10/24/2005 08:09:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

nightlegend,

"but I think this coversation is missing some parts"

This is just one part of the conversation. The part I didn't like.

I posted the whole conversation(or most of it) here.


"He may be joking ,don't take it too seriously"

Thanks for saying that.

"Does he mean he wants to see your hair and this was not allowed before you got married?"

No I don't cover my hair. He's talking about the way I dress generally - about letting me wear something too revealing(in his opinion) before but this not being allowed now.

What I mean is if he had a (serious) problem with something - like the way I dress - he should have said before so I know what to expect. And he didn't. I didn't think he was that conservative about these things. Don't like this new rules stuff. If it starts with clothes then who knows what it will be next?

Anyway I guess I should stop looking for bad news to spoil my good mood.

10/24/2005 08:41:00 AM  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Loulou,

He is just another man. When you are still not married they think that they do not have the right to tell you not to dress like that "yet" so they try to throw a joke or a "LATSHA" as we say in lebanon and say that they were kidding later on if it was goign to lead to trouble. K was so honest with you, for before he wanted to see you too like that but now that you are his and he can see you whenever e wants it is his right that no one ele does for they would be intruding his property which is now also his and your dignity in summary it is the "Arabic Mentality" which i know that we think it is crazy but at a certain level it is so true for it shows how much the man cares, loves, and cherish his wife (you).

Remember the day you went to his clinic to take him to dinner and discuss a couple of things that happened and to say sorry or something... you were overdressed that he was speechless for a while and couldn't resist asking you why are you dressed like this although you weren't on good terms then. So it is so typical of a man (if he cares enough) to comment on the way you dress.

I don't think he is the kind of person who will FORBID you from wearing things but i think that you should be more careful from now on in your way of dressing. But don't forget that everynow and then you should spark him up with a new style or haircut or something for Men love that. They love to show-off the women they are with!

Good luck and relax.

10/24/2005 09:50:00 AM  
Blogger Nightlegend said...

I have more clear image now ,I'll tell you something ,sometimes men(me included!) will feel more jealous as time flies by ,I know you don't like this and think of that as a new invented rule but sometimes people generaly not men only will change their minds about some issues due to changed circumstances ,he may saw that you now look more beautiful!

Another possibility:he had this ideas before marriage but he was fearing your rejections and refusal ,and he didn't want to heat things up ,so he waited till after marriage so you will be more ready to accept his demands because it's being requested by you husband ,not by your fiance or your boyfriend ,and I have repeat that again you hate that because it's new and you wanted it to be from the beguining ,but please take it easy ,try to discuss it softly with him ,you can make some changes if it's necessary but you can do it gradually meaning that a slow changes may will be satisfactory to him.

10/24/2005 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger بفضفض said...

loulou
he isnt joking at all its his subconscious mind speaking but its ok he's just a man and i started to think they are all like that..
i had almost the same conversation with my fiance last month and i dicovered that he have big problem with the way i dress though im veiled! but he didnt say any thing for more than 7 month!! and when i asked why didnt u say anything before he said it isnt my right im just ur fiance!!

but i agree with nightlegend you can make some changes if it's so necessary for him after all its his right now after u become his. so don be offended and discuss it with him and u will see his point at the end

10/24/2005 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

ATC,

"you were overdressed that he was speechless for a while...."

Actually you're right. I had forgotten about that incident. He did grumble a little then but I didn't pay much attention because really I agreed with him. That day I was dressed for shock value - to force him not to ignore me. It was something outside my usual taste & style & even I thought it was too much & was feeling shy & scared in it. So when he said eh da mish mumkin it didn't worry me because I knew it was a one-off & I knew I wasn't going to do it again.

Now the problem is my normal everyday style - things he's seen me wearing many times before. That's not so easy to change. Am old enough to have my own style & khalas be comfortable with it. And really am not used to anyone telling me what to wear.

" i know that we think it is crazy but at a certain level it is so true for it shows how much the man cares, loves, and cherish his wife (you)."

From reading what you wrote I guess your K does it too no?You seem to be very understanding about this mentality.

10/24/2005 06:33:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

nightlegend,


Thanks for explaining things from a male point of view. You've answered me & I think you also answered what Bafadfad said about her fiance.

Sometimes I really think that Men are from Mars like Wonderer
was telling me not so long ago.

Am not going to do anything right now. Will wait to see if it was just a joke like he said. If it's really bothering him am sure he will mention it again. I hope he won't because I love clothes:(

So how was your birthday?Did you have a great time?

10/24/2005 06:47:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Bafadfad hi,

Thanks for visiting & sharing your thoughts.

"but i agree with nightlegend you can make some changes if it's so necessary for him after all its his right now after u become his. "

I don't agree that it is his right. Clothing is something very personal. When you are outside wearing something you're telling people something about yourself & your taste & style. No one looking at you will be thinking it's your fiance's or your husband's or your mother's taste. It's a form of self-expression.

And nothing is more uncomfortable than facing the world wearing something you don't like or think looks nice is it?

If it's something that is really bothering him & causing a lot of problems then yes I will make some changes but not a 100% change. And I won't be very happy about it.:(

10/24/2005 06:55:00 PM  
Blogger programmer craig said...

I can't really comment on this except from a general point of view, since I'm not familiar with your culture. I think the people who said words to the effect of "it's a guy thing" are both right and wrong. It's normal for guys to want their wives to dress more conservatively after they get married, in my opinion. He doesn't want her advertising her wares, so to speak :)

I think husbands and wives BOTH have a right to ask their spouse not to dress in a way that embarrasses them, but that's where I draw the line. I mean, a married woman who dresses in a way that she attracts a lot of male attention is putting her husband in an awkward position, to say the least. And a guy who dresses like a homeless slob, when he's not, is probably making the wife unhappy. Some sort of reasonable agreement should be made on these issues.

But as for telling people how to dress... hell no. Attempting to control the behavior of your husband/wife is a disaster, and leads to a VERY unhappy marriage!

10/25/2005 01:58:00 AM  
Blogger forsoothsayer said...

your husband sounds pretty unpleasant and seems to cause you vast amounts of unhappiness. maybe because you publish the details of your private lives for the whole world to comment on.

10/25/2005 02:18:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

forsooth,

Thanks for your concern about my privacy. Appreciate it.

Craig,

"I can't really comment on this except from a general point of view, since I'm not familiar with your culture."

I thought ATC explained the cultural background pretty well. But it's not always a reliable indicator because even within the same culture people are not really carbon copies of each other & may still surprise you no matter how well you think you know the culture.

10/25/2005 02:32:00 AM  

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