Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I don't know....

I will search until I find
Something I can never find
Something lying on the ground
At the bottom of my mind.

They say that if you look for love outside yourself then you see emptiness & nothingness within and you are afraid. From others you need reassurance - confirmation that you are substantial. That you can be found. Alone you fail to see your essence so you hope that if you can make others see you then you will catch your reflection in their eyes. So you surround yourself with mirrors, with illusions & then reflections of illusions. Layers upon layers of nothing really. And to you others become nothing more than the looking glass - having no importance of themselves - existing only as far as they feed your alter-ego - your fear of nothingness.

So what about me?Am I the candle in the wind or the wind itself?Why do I want to know so much?What do I think knowledge will heal?What hurts?What lacks?

And yes love only fills me up when I can't see myself anymore. I want it. I want to be made to forget myself. The unburdening. That absence of insecurity, of inhibition. Why can't I make it last?Why do I keep losing it?

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3 Comments:

Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

habebti, it seems im missing something here ... what are you trying to say lou?

10/12/2005 08:36:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

chari,

Think about the words love, inhibition & insecurity. It's an old story isn't it?

10/12/2005 10:30:00 PM  
Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

Lou,
its the fear of losing the love that leaves us insecure and its the feeling of being in love that leaves us inhibited ... and to our dismay, the harder we try to maintain the love the more restricted we feel ...
its very complicated actually ... its an old story like you said, an we're just too stupid to fall in the same pit over and over ...

my mind is going in circles this evening so i hope im making any sense :)

10/13/2005 12:29:00 AM  

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