I don't know....

I will search until I find
Something I can never find
Something lying on the ground
At the bottom of my mind.

They say that if you look for love outside yourself then you see emptiness & nothingness within and you are afraid. From others you need reassurance - confirmation that you are substantial. That you can be found. Alone you fail to see your essence so you hope that if you can make others see you then you will catch your reflection in their eyes. So you surround yourself with mirrors, with illusions & then reflections of illusions. Layers upon layers of nothing really. And to you others become nothing more than the looking glass - having no importance of themselves - existing only as far as they feed your alter-ego - your fear of nothingness.

So what about me?Am I the candle in the wind or the wind itself?Why do I want to know so much?What do I think knowledge will heal?What hurts?What lacks?

And yes love only fills me up when I can't see myself anymore. I want it. I want to be made to forget myself. The unburdening. That absence of insecurity, of inhibition. Why can't I make it last?Why do I keep losing it?