Monday, November 21, 2005

I have it bad...

The nicest thing about our new apartment is that the building has a rooftop swimming pool. Didn't find him at home so I came to check up here & sure enough there he was in the pool. Yelled out hi & blew him a kiss. He yelled back that inti btid7aki 3alaya ya bit inti come here I want the real thing. What is this ya bit inti stuff?First it was ya magnoona now it's ya bit inti?When is he going to start using my name?

Nevertheless he was out of the water standing by the pool waiting so I went over to give him the real thing. No one was going to say am not an obedient wife. Am just glad no one was around to hear all that shouting.

Went to sit by the pool with my book & he went back to finish his swim. We've done this several times before. And I never get much reading done. Truth is I love watching him. What can I say?He's easy on the eyes.

It fascinates me to watch him swimming especially because it's so different from the way I do it. If I go swimming it's got to be with a big group of friends. And it will be more about floating around, playing games, making fun of each other in the water than actually doing lengths.

But he approaches it with the same focus he uses on everything else. I knew that kiss hello was probably the only attention am going to get until he's done. He really concentrates. He won't look up or wave or anything. Sometimes when there are other people around they don't realize that we're together because he does nothing to indicate he even knows me. And I get to overhear all sorts of interesting conversations & comments on him. I think he forgets that am there. Am getting used to being ignored when he's focused on something else. Provided of course that something else is not another woman I think I can live with it. Besides he makes up for it when am the focus. He's a good-looking guy but it's this intensity that I found so irresistable from the beginning. It just triggers me.

Sometimes I worry about him. I wonder if he does anything at all just to relax. He works too hard. When he reads he reads work-related stuff. Most of his DVD's are of surgical procedures & dentistry stuff. When he's lying on the beach getting a suntan he always has his professional reading material with him & I know it's what he's doing when am not there. When he swims he does it for exercise. Most of his friends are in his field & I know half the time they talk about work when they go out & socialize which they don't do very often. It's sometimes a bit uncomfortable for me being out with them because all his friends are dentists who are married to dentists & they talk shop so much. And he doesn't have that many friends. He's quite an introvert. We are opposites in that way. Sure he'll go out with my friends but I have a feeling that's something he does for me. The only thing I see him doing for fun really is music. He plays instruments & loves singing & listening to music. But even that's not something he does on a regular basis. Only in certain moods. Sometimes his life seems very serious to me. Too serious. I think he's too young to live like that. He's only 3 years older than me. I guess that's why he needs me.

So I spent more than an hour & a half watching him without turning a single page of my open book. I give up. Am going to spend the rest of my life following him around like a lovesick puppy. No use fighting it anymore. Am now officially an empty shell of the independent, self-possessed, self-sufficient woman I once dreamed of being.

Worst thing is I don't even mind that much. It's kind of fun.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Rain said...

He's only 3 years older than me. I guess that's why he needs me.


I don't get that part.

But what I do understand is that we (women) have maternal instincts that always want to nurture and take care of others... so I find that it's very normal to even enjoy just watching him.

11/22/2005 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Hi Rain,

Was just trying to say that sometimes I feel he's too serious for his age. He's only 3 years older than me but in some ways he acts so much older. Which is sad because you don't stay young forever do you? This is why he needs me. Because I am definitely not too serious. Am the opposite. I think am probably too not serious.:)So maybe my influence will make him have a little more fun in life.

Was being ironic really. Of course I hope this is not the real reason he needs me.:)It's definitely not enough to build a relationship on.

11/22/2005 06:40:00 PM  
Blogger tota said...

i dunno what to say Loulou .. that attraction & love addiction, sometimes it disturbs to feel that u cant go, think or do anything without him, but try to enjoy the nice part about it
u love & being loved in return
u like being with him, u enjoy everything while u r beside him, u have your own identity, u feel the extreme happiness when u feel that he needs u & always search for you, Am going to spend the rest of my life following him around like a lovesick puppy, Am now officially an empty shell I don’t think you are
there is something inside that shell he likes it & u have to keep it

11/22/2005 11:03:00 PM  
Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

Lou,

"Am now officially an empty shell of the independent, self-possessed, self-sufficient woman I once dreamed of being.

Worst thing is I don't even mind that much. It's kind of fun."


My two scents:
One of the main keys of success in any relationship, is to be like that with your husband, but believing, and he too, that you're realy not. Its like doing something you kinda have within, but letting it out at a certain time and place, and i dont think its bad at all.

The best feeling is to feel needed inpsite of all that AND getting the best treatment from him as if you were his child.

Its time for us girls who have managed to be independant and self sufficient all those yrs, to be dependant on the man our heart and mind chose.

11/22/2005 11:32:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderer said...

I am going through this every day loulou,
The problem is that when a guy excels in his field and reaches a certain rank that people of his age are still struggling to reach. He gets so obsessed with his work and try to excel more.
Anyway, K is lucky for having you there beside him.

11/23/2005 12:48:00 AM  
Blogger Twosret said...

Ouch! this subject hurts.....I have been thinking for the past year to start a doctor's spouse association (I'm darn serious!).

Doctors who marry women from the business world should provide her/him support network. Marrying a doctor is very hard especially when you have little ones.

I think I better stop here and hats off to you but when the frustration kicks in please contact me lol! This doctorship profession is a bitch indeed!

11/23/2005 04:53:00 AM  
Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

"This doctorship profession is a bitch indeed!"

It is, but i think dentists have a little less stressful life then gynocolgists, or neorlogists (if thats even a word) or whatever else they have, they still study all the time but if he has his own clinic, things are smooth,and his life is more or less controlled.

And for the same reasons you mentioned, i was never interested in getting involved with a doctor, im taurus by sign and possessive by nature, would hate it if my husband has to leave a night out or dinner or a cosy night at home to go attend to a patient, doctors are the best ppl, they're a great part of the society, without them we would be lost, and i pray and thank god that we have BUT i pray and thank god that im not involved with one.

I second the doctor's spouse association, honestly it sounds like a great idea, i have a few cousins who could really benefit from it :)

11/23/2005 08:41:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

tota,

"that attraction & love addiction, sometimes it disturbs to feel that u cant go, think or do anything without him"

Yes. I was a bit spooked. Was happy watching him. Didn't feel the time. But when he was done & he came up to me, asked me what I was reading it hit me how long it's been & that I hadn't been reading & I got so embarrassed. Came back to earth with a thud.

Didn't say anything to him though but he noticed I had a bit of a mood swing. I knew if I say something like am worried am becoming too dependent on you he'll have one of two reactions. At best he'll laugh at me & say women are crazy etc...which will embarrass me even more. At worst he'll think I don't trust him & am going into the whole fear of commitment thing again. That's become such a sensitive subject between us that it's better not to let it come up.

So didn't discuss it with him but can't stop thinking about it. Go figure.

Chari,

"One of the main keys of success in any relationship, is to be like that with your husband, but believing, and he too, that you're realy not."

Not sure I get what you mean here.

"Its time for us girls who have managed to be independant and self sufficient all those yrs, to be dependant on the man our heart and mind chose."

That makes me feel better thanks. Wish he'd do things like sit there doing nothing but watching me for one & a half hours. This would be a lot easier if I felt it was a two-way thing, not just me going obssessive & crazy.

Wonderer,

"Anyway, K is lucky for having you there beside him."

Thanks.:)Nice to know you think that.

Twosret & Chari,

I think the association is a great idea too.:)

11/23/2005 09:33:00 AM  
Blogger doshar said...

hey come on that is not fair. not all doctors or dentists are obsessed about their work.

i am a dentist loul, and i don't talk about my paitents or work much in social occasions at all. even if i am out with dentists. it can come up, but no way is it the heart of the matter. but it does throw a certain attitude around. too practical. that is what medicine does to you.

with K, it seems he is over whelmed a bit. too many responsibilties. or else he reaaalllyy enjoys dentistry!?

he is definitely an over achiever, and takes alot of pride in his work, there is no other reason for him to love it so much. But i am guessing he would be like that in anything he does. when planning a vacation, trying out someting new, or even in his relationship with you. very practical. needs to make things right. you will get used to it in a while, but i advise you to either find something else to put your focus on when he is like this, or take some dentistry classes to share his inerests :)

11/24/2005 12:21:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

doshar,

" But i am guessing he would be like that in anything he does."

This is very impressive for me because am not like that at all. Can't concentrate on one thing at a time. My mind is always on a million different things. In my field of work am valued for being a multi-tasker - for being able to get many things done at the same time, being able to process the big picture, all the different aspects of the project.

And you're right. He's like that in everything. Being pursued by him was like being hunted.:) Not a man trying to charm you with sweet compliments or poetry or flirtation or showing off to impress you. This was someone who was suddenly everywhere in my life, always testing & baiting me. Not letting me forget him for a minute. Making me feel like an object of study. Using everything he notices or learns about me to get closer & making no secret of it. When I'd refuse to respond or draw back at some point he'd just smile & then the next day he'd try something else. No hesitation. No self-doubt. He literally made me feel like there was nowhere to hide, like he had nothing else to do but me. If it wasn't for the charm & the sense of humor he'd have seriously terrified me. I'd have thought I was being stalked or something.

All the guys I'd ever met before were the type who take one step forward & then you have to take 2 or 3 steps to encourage them. Constantly in need of encouragement & reassurance or their fragile ego would be hurt by things you didn't even notice yourself doing. My friends would keep telling me you have to 'catch' him quickly before another girl beats you to it - the implication being he'll go for whatever girl seems easier to get. All that agonizing about whether you're acting too desperate or too aloof etc...No wonder I hated the whole arranged marriage scene.

So a guy who makes you feel he knows what he wants & knows how to get it. And that you're it. I had all the doubts & I was the one who was always asking but how can you be so sure so soon?Now I realize that's just how he is. He's always sure. Always ready with a target & a plan. Yeah I guess practical is the word.:)

He was just a completely new experience.:)

Our worst fight yet happened over my indecision & fear of commitment. Thinking about it later I realized why. My worries & indecision made him feel insecure. And his is not the kind of personality that takes well to that. He doesn't like being unsure of his place in anything - or not having a clear vision of where things are going. It's not something he's used to.That's what he meant when he said he needed stability.

11/24/2005 01:48:00 AM  
Blogger Nightlegend said...

There's alot of people similar to your husband's attitudes ,who is work devoted and mainly focusing on his career & work ,not all of them works in the field of medicine or other related fields ,it's the person's personality and life's view which is determining his general atittude & interests in life.

I think that when you come to the real marriage stage things will change a bit ,you will be seeing him more and there will be more shared activities during the day ,some of his ice will be melted over the years trust me ,and don't forget that (Men from Mars ,Women from Venus) theory!

I was going to write a post in my blog in the next two days about similar subject ,but this time it's from a male's view ,it's not my view actually ,it's a friend's view who had a similar issue ,will let you know when it's published.

11/24/2005 05:03:00 PM  
Blogger Me said...

You know Loul...whenever I read your posts or comments to do with you and K... I always feel that whatever your differences are...mashAllah you're a great couple !!
Rabena yehaneekom :)

11/24/2005 10:18:00 PM  
Blogger Twosret said...

Girls,

I'm afraid this topic is second on my list after the Palestinian-Israeli conflict :)

I will work hard on the support group :) any new members are welcome to join.

T.

11/25/2005 05:11:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Meme,

Thank you.:)

Twosret,

We're counting on you.:)

Night,

Waiting for your post on workaholics.

11/25/2005 05:49:00 AM  

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