Long Day

She popped her head into my office early in the morning & said: "I'm leaving."

I was on the phone with someone who expected me to type out a long email & send it to him while he stayed on the line talking to me non-stop about all the other things he wanted me to do. You can imagine the state I was in. Keep typing the email?Listen to him?Take notes?What to do exactly?

So I didn't really pay attention to her at first. I thought she meant she was leaving for the day or something. I just waved dismissively. Am told that I multi-task well but I do have my limits.

Then she came up to stand right behind me, leaned over & whispered in my ear.
"I'm leaving. For good. Today."

I told the guy to hold on.

Me: You quit?

And she nodded.

Me: Today?Don't you have to give notice?
Her: Without notice.
Me: But why?
Her: My baby is so small.....

And I thought oh God. Just what I needed to hear.

Got back on the line, told him we had an emergency & can I get back to him. Then I sat her down to talk. Didn't know what I was supposed to say really. Just tried to be supportive, asked if her decision was final & told her how much we'd miss her...etc...

After we hugged goodbye & promised to keep in touch my hands were freezing & I could feel my upper arms trembling but I had to ignore that & stay focused. All day I was hoping for a few minutes of peace & quiet so I could think. Or at least have a cigarette. No such luck.

When I saw the clock strike 4:30 I threw everyone out of my office. Nearly crashed into some guy's brand new BMW as I pulled out of the carpark. He was yelling are you crazy & a few other things. Just ignored him. And the incident didn't stop me from speeding all the way home. My husband keeps saying am going to get my license revoked soon. Some new traffic laws apparently.

On the way home I realized that the reason for the rush was that I was hoping to catch my husband before he left for his evening shift. And I did catch him. In the shower. Walked into the bathroom & he asked where all the clean towels were before I had time to say anything. Sigh. If I've told him once I've told him a million times where everything is. Didn't even bother this time. Just went & got him one.

Ended up getting him just about everything else in the end. He said he overslept & was in a mad rush to get to work on time. Clearly not a good time to talk. And besides didn't know what I wanted to say really.

He called me about an hour after he left. To ask if I was ok. I'd had time to think & decide against telling him. He's been showing signs of impatience with the 'baby' conversation, indicating that he thinks we spend entirely too much time talking about it etc.....I didn't think he'd want to hear it basically. Especially not when he was calling from work with very little time on his hands. It was a potential argument & a futile one really & I didn't feel like ruining our weekend over it.

Told him I was fine, not to worry. After I hung up I thought at least he noticed my mood & cared enough to call & check on me. The thought helped.

Would have spent the entire afternoon imagining little boys who look like him but there was no time because he'd told me last night that a group of his friends invited themselves over for dinner. Now when a group of single Arab expatriate men are coming over for dinner you can't order pizza. They expect home-cooked food. Of course he still suggested we order pizza but I wouldn't have that. I don't mind cooking for them so much. What I do mind is that when they come over they never seem to leave. No matter how early you serve them dinner. They have tea & sheesha afterwards & just stay around playing cards & talking football & politics all night.

It's 12:14am local time now & they're still here. Now I don't mean to sound inhospitable but really me & him have both had a very long day, I haven't had an hour alone with him all day, am not in the greatest mood ever, I have work in the morning & I would like a little of his time before we're both completely exhausted. Is that too much to ask?