Female Sexuality
A girl I know once commented that there should never be male sex symbols because unclothed men just look stupid & nowhere as beautiful or graceful as unclothed women. The occasion was the New Year's (& New Millinium's) Party at the Hiltonia Beach Club in Abu Dhabi. I remember looking at her & thinking well why don't you just give me your man?
We all thought it was pretty ironic that she should be the one saying that. It was a beach party mainly. Her husband was definitely one of those 'unclothed men' she was talking about & we frustrated single females - & a few not single females incidentally - were all having trouble taking our eyes off him! I mean it. The guy was Greek god material. All I can say is that woman is lucky none of us were the type of girls who would go for a married man. If we were he was certainly attractive enough to be a candidate & she was definitely stupid enough to make us think she'd deserve it for not appreciating what she has!
An argument ensued with many different views being aired. Among them was that when women dance they look sexy while men just look gay so there should be no male dancers because they're not attractive & they're all sissies etc...At one point one girl said that Allah made women beautiful. This is why we have to cover. If He had meant men to be equally attractive then He would have told them to cover too but He didn't so they're not. And I thought oh well. Should have known someone would drag religion into it. And the conversation trailed off after that because I guess no one wants to be on the opposing side when religion is brought into the argument.
It was the first time I heard this point of view expressed. Over the years I came to hear it again in many different ways. That female sexuality is not visual. That this is why male models are never as successful as female models. That women don't care about a man's looks etc......
On a personal level this point was often pushed at me as a form of criticism. During long years in which friends & family were matchmaking for me - trying to hook me up with various guys, their number one complaint became that I cared too much about phsyical appearance - that I don't give perfectly nice guys a chance because they may not be my idea of good-looking and then the clincher of every such conversation -
LouLou you think like a man.
So am I a freak of nature?Because let me tell you that:
1) I do find the unclothed male form fascinating. Much more fascinating than the female form. I do not believe for a moment that men are not beautiful or that women are more beautiful.
2) I find that there is nothing quite as sexually attractive as a man who can dance. One of my biggest gripes in life is that my husband dances like a white person. He's improved a lot now because I've been working on him, taking him to lots of hip-hop, soul & R&B nights but he still has some way to go. I keep hoping that because he's Egyptian & Egypt is located in Africa he must have some black genes in there that will one day come to his rescue.
Disclaimer: Nothing against white people in general. That's just my personal taste in dance, music & men.
3) I do expect - & did always expect - to feel phsyically attracted to my partner. A nice guy that I don't feel attracted to might make a good friend. I might come to respect/care for him like a brother. But to have a physical relationship you need physical attraction. Especially given the fact that I know that he would never express a romantic interest in me if he didn't happen to find me phsyically attractive. Who says only men have this right to choose sexually while women just have to accept being chosen?
4) I spend a lot of time, money & effort taking care of myself & I expect the same from my partner. I would not appreciate it if he were to let himself go. Being busy is not an excuse. Am busy too but I still manage to make an effort for his sake & I deserve the same.
Would I stop loving him if he did let himself go? No. Am not that superficial. But I would definitely be less physically attracted. And there's no point in lying about that. Or in denying that the fact that I enjoy looking at him is helpful to our relationship.
So am I freak then? Is it that women don't care about physical appearance as much as men or just that they're socially conditioned not to admit that they do? And is it really superficial or immoral or 7aram to want to be attracted to your partner?
posted by LouLou @ 9:06 AM
10 Comments:
I don't think it's 7araam to want to be attracted to your partner... I mean we're told that there has to be "qebool" for a couple to get married and I guess that "qebool" is partly based on physical appearance in a way...sometimes the guy may be nice but you don't feel good about the way he looks and that makes some sort of "nefoor" from him ... and in this case it's not 7araam to say no, is it? But then again .. it's relative ... coz some other girl may find him attractive!
What I think is that shouldn't be the major factor in deciding ... coz one day in the future, surely we won't be as attractive "physically" as we were in our 20s and 30s...
no, for everyone in the world it's easier to love a good looking person and it's certainly easier to have sex with them i guess.
nothing wrong with wanting your man to be attractive - i myself have one of those greek god types and it gives me pleasure to look at him.
First, no offense taken regarding the white dancer remark, although I find that it mostly applies to men. There's nothing sadder than a white man dancing. Jd just doesn't dance at all but then again he's not white. And I find men who can dance well quite sexy. I just don't see it too often.
There's nothing wrong with expecting or wanting physical attraction with your mate. Either it's there or it's not and if it's not he's not really your mate, is he? In your mind he will always be just your friend.
While I do find the male form enticing I also think they can look a bit silly when naked, unless I'm in the right mood. I do think women look more together, more graceful nude than men. But you know me....I drive down the street both ways.
I totally agree with you me!
I think it's not just about attractiveness, but chemistry. Someone can be quite average looking, but their smile or they way they move can drive you wild! Also you often see guys who are stereotypically good looking but leave you cold.
Attraction is definitely needed, just as long as it's not the only reason you marry that person, because, as Me says, looks don't last.
Meme,
Nice to see you running around the blogosphere again. You've been missed.:)
"coz one day in the future, surely we won't be as attractive "physically" as we were in our 20s and 30s..."
I know but when we get to that age our needs will probably be different anyway. I don't think it's right to spend your 20's/30's/40's with someone you feel 'nefoor' from just because when you turn 50 it won't matter anymore. It's also not fair to your partner because they deserve to spend their best years with someone who finds them attractive.
No of course it should not be the only factor but it should also not be completely overlooked.
Sherine,
"i myself have one of those greek god types and it gives me pleasure to look at him."
I'm sure it does. And I'm also sure that's not the only thing you see in him. I mean being attracted & having a decent relationship are not mutually exclusive are they?
Jane,
Don't get me wrong. I think women are beautiful too. I mean I'm a woman & am happy with myself. It's just that am attracted to men so am more likely to look at a man than a woman. If I look at the woman am probably wishing I could be like her or wondering how many sit-ups she does everyday to get her stomach to be so concave etc...I guess we're all different in what attracts us.
Glad you didn't get me wrong about white people.:)
Aladdin,
Welcome. Nice to see you here.
Safiya,
I agree that attractiveness differs according to taste. Not everyone finds the same thing attractive. My point was that your partner should be attractive to you.
What I have a problem with is a prevailing attitude that seems to think women are or should be blind to physical appearance while no such thing is expected from men. That is unfair & unrealistic.
Loulou,
I agree with all the points you raised in your post. I would just like to clarify two points:
- When people say that they think a man dancing looks like a sissy, i think they are referring to Arabic belly dancing. I have seen men do that, and trust me, it is not a turn on. But I like to see men dancing, providing they know how to dance;)
- Also, although physical attraction is important to us as females, we would not base an entire relationship solely on it. But I guess men can do that. A guy might go into a relationship with a girl just because she's hot....but we need more than just looks to have a relationship with someone.
I admit, I'm a white guy, i dance like a truck . Still , few complaints about other stuff, over fifty and hanging in there . Me personally, I'd much rather watch women than men. Quelle surprise :-)
Nora,
Men bellydance?For real?I've never seen that!
Hi gatorbait,
I think you're being too hard on yourself. Am sure you don't dance like a truck.:)
Nice of you to drop by.:)
Loulou,
"Men bellydance?For real?I've never seen that!"
It's a good thing you haven't....not a pretty sight :-)
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