A girl I know once commented that there should never be male sex symbols because unclothed men just look stupid & nowhere as beautiful or graceful as unclothed women. The occasion was the New Year's (& New Millinium's) Party at the Hiltonia Beach Club in Abu Dhabi. I remember looking at her & thinking well why don't you just give me your man?
We all thought it was pretty ironic that she should be the one saying that. It was a beach party mainly. Her husband was definitely one of those 'unclothed men' she was talking about & we frustrated single females - & a few not single females incidentally - were all having trouble taking our eyes off him! I mean it. The guy was Greek god material. All I can say is that woman is lucky none of us were the type of girls who would go for a married man. If we were he was certainly attractive enough to be a candidate & she was definitely stupid enough to make us think she'd deserve it for not appreciating what she has!
An argument ensued with many different views being aired. Among them was that when women dance they look sexy while men just look gay so there should be no male dancers because they're not attractive & they're all sissies etc...At one point one girl said that Allah made women beautiful. This is why we have to cover. If He had meant men to be equally attractive then He would have told them to cover too but He didn't so they're not. And I thought oh well. Should have known someone would drag religion into it. And the conversation trailed off after that because I guess no one wants to be on the opposing side when religion is brought into the argument.
It was the first time I heard this point of view expressed. Over the years I came to hear it again in many different ways. That female sexuality is not visual. That this is why male models are never as successful as female models. That women don't care about a man's looks etc......
On a personal level this point was often pushed at me as a form of criticism. During long years in which friends & family were matchmaking for me - trying to hook me up with various guys, their number one complaint became that I cared too much about phsyical appearance - that I don't give perfectly nice guys a chance because they may not be my idea of good-looking and then the clincher of every such conversation -
LouLou you think like a man.
So am I a freak of nature?Because let me tell you that:
1) I do find the unclothed male form fascinating. Much more fascinating than the female form. I do not believe for a moment that men are not beautiful or that women are more beautiful.
2) I find that there is nothing quite as sexually attractive as a man who can dance. One of my biggest gripes in life is that my husband dances like a white person. He's improved a lot now because I've been working on him, taking him to lots of hip-hop, soul & R&B nights but he still has some way to go. I keep hoping that because he's Egyptian & Egypt is located in Africa he must have some black genes in there that will one day come to his rescue.
Disclaimer: Nothing against white people in general. That's just my personal taste in dance, music & men.
3) I do expect - & did always expect - to feel phsyically attracted to my partner. A nice guy that I don't feel attracted to might make a good friend. I might come to respect/care for him like a brother. But to have a physical relationship you need physical attraction. Especially given the fact that I know that he would never express a romantic interest in me if he didn't happen to find me phsyically attractive. Who says only men have this right to choose sexually while women just have to accept being chosen?
4) I spend a lot of time, money & effort taking care of myself & I expect the same from my partner. I would not appreciate it if he were to let himself go. Being busy is not an excuse. Am busy too but I still manage to make an effort for his sake & I deserve the same.
Would I stop loving him if he did let himself go? No. Am not that superficial. But I would definitely be less physically attracted. And there's no point in lying about that. Or in denying that the fact that I enjoy looking at him is helpful to our relationship.
So am I freak then? Is it that women don't care about physical appearance as much as men or just that they're socially conditioned not to admit that they do? And is it really superficial or immoral or 7aram to want to be attracted to your partner?