Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year Everyone!

I was angry. The fact that am not allowed into the country my husband lives in was getting to be too infuriating - especially as with the National Day holiday, the Eid holiday, Christmas & New Year's all coming up one after the other, I was going to have a lot of holidays. And having a lot of holidays without him?

So like I said, I was angry. Even when I tried again and he refused point-blank to fly out to see me even though I knew that his siblings and their families would be coming home for the holidays so it's not like his parents were going to be alone. I really don't like my new place in his list of priorities, I don't.

We fought & fought about it. And then we stopped speaking for a while.

Left to my own devices, I just kept getting angrier and freakier. I started to feel like we're not even together anymore, like I had no hold on him.

One day, sitting at the bank flipping through my passport, I noticed a valid visa. Not for Sweden, for a neighboring Scandinavian country. It was a visa I'd gotten a few months back for work reasons. Then I had ended up not travelling after all. But it was still valid.

I don't know what came over me. I told no one at work. I did not tell my family or my friends or anyone. I just bought a ticket online. And the very next morning, I was on my way to the airport. I watched corny movies on the flight out and eventually fell asleep.

When I woke up, we'd arrived. Everything went so smoothly. No problems getting through customs or immigration. The only problem was that of course I was in no way properly attired for the weather. I was dressed for UAE.

But getting a taxi from the airport was no problem. But a taxi to where? I'd forgotten to book a hotel.

Even that went fairly smoothly. The cab driver spoke good English. I explained the problem. He drove me to a few hotels but they had no availability. So we tried a couple of dodgy-looking smaller motels and the second one had a room available.

So that was sorted. Then I sat down to think. Why was I there? Because I was hoping he'd come out to see me if I was closer to him than UAE? How stupid! For one thing, he wasn't even speaking to me. For another, if he says he won't leave his parents then UAE is pretty much like anyplace else. And third, what if he can't get a booking?

So I didn't call him. I went out exploring by myself. And when that got too cold and depressing, I walked back to the hotel, had some rather unpleasant soup for dinner and went to sleep. Again.

My phone started ringing at night. It was my friend and co-worker M. I didn't show up for work so she would have dropped by my house to check on me in the evening and getting no answer, she'd be trying to call me.

I didn't answer though. Didn't know what to say. Then the calls just kept coming. My manager, my uncle, friends, my bank.

Each time, I just watched it ring and then stuck it back under my pillow.

It wasn't until late in my second evening alone in a strange city that my husband started to call. I knew what happened. My friends would have been afraid to tell him I was missing. They'd have tried everything else first.

It was like I didn't need to speak to anyone. I already knew what was going to be said. And why.

The anger was gone at that point. I was just numb. I did not give a damn.

Eventually though, I did answer my phone. And I told him where I was. And he did come out to see me. And despite a slight tension in the beginning, it was everything I hoped for and more.

We ARE still together. Very much. And for the first time since he relocated, I believe inside me that I can do this long-distance thing. I can survive. We can survive. For the first time, I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Leaving him was hard. But even then for me, it was a very, very Happy New Year. I think for him too. I think he needed a break even more than me.

The craziest thing I've ever done. And it turns out it was the right thing to do.

I hope it will be a wonderful year for everyone!

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7 Comments:

Blogger Safiya Outlines said...

Salaam Alaikum,

I'm so happy to hear that you and K finally had some time together! Mabrouk.

Time is passing... hopefully you will be together again properly soon.

1/02/2008 08:08:00 PM  
Blogger Ma 3lina said...

I am so happy for u, it's a wonderful news after ur long absence.

Hope u get together soon isa

1/03/2008 01:22:00 PM  
Blogger Puppy said...

Happy New Year, LouLou. There is a say "how your will meet a New Year, you will spend it that way". I hope it make sense, i just translated word by word.

Very good to hear that everything is getting better, Happy New Year and all the best.

Puppy.

1/03/2008 04:09:00 PM  
Blogger Will E. said...

Happy New Year..

You sound a little crazy on blog :)

1/03/2008 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

Well, he says am crazy because if I'm going to plan a romantic surprise getaway the least I could have done was pick a decent hotel. Instead, we had this rundown, nodescript, none too clean room where we didn't even have our own bathroom. I'd never seen a hotel room with a shared bathroom before!

But it really wasn't planned. It was just me gravitating blindly.

When I do plan, I plan better than this, I promise.:)

1/05/2008 10:43:00 AM  
Blogger Will E. said...

The dirty old room sounds romantic in written form for some reason. I'm sure it's not the same when you're there.. looking forward to hear about your better planning :)

1/05/2008 11:47:00 PM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

girl, you have guts!

you remind me of myself. these are the things i do, and, thankfully, it always turns out ok in the end.

now i understand how you could be pregnant.... :) and i hope you are, truthfully.

but i ama bit mad at your husband for refusing to fly and see you.

when will all the mess be worked out w/ your moving there??? seems like it's taking a life time!

1/17/2008 02:37:00 AM  

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