Thursday, July 05, 2007

Which is Worse?

Losing someone you love very much to an illness? Or having them survive, pass out of danger but sustain irreparable damage. So much damage that although they are physically around, they may never recognize you again? What if they change so radically that YOU don't feel you recognize them?

My husband is in Sweden with his family. Before he left, I could feel his fear of what he'll find when he gets there. He didn't want to go. He was his usual macho self and never admitted it but he wasn't fooling me. He would have put it off if he could have. But that wasn't really an option. I convinced myself that I should encourage him to go, that he'll never learn to cope with his father's new situation if he doesn't face the issue head on, that his family needs him there etc...?

Now I am left feeling like a mother who knowingly sent her child into harm's way. I wish I could bring him back. I keep praying & vowing that if only he comes through this I'll take better care of him next time.

I will be following him on Sunday. And I am afraid too. I want to be there for him & for all of them. After all, I am a part of the family now. But we haven't had much of a chance to get to know each other. And this has been so sudden. I am afraid of intruding on their shock & grief. At this of all times, it is crucial that I fit in.

My memories of my father-in-law are of a large, handsome man with a deep voice & a smiley face. An active, happy-looking person who came across as slightly vain. So fastidious & particular. And very active.

Now I'll never have the chance to get to know him.

We humans are such cowards & so much easier to break than we think, aren't we?



Blogger Alina said...

Yes, at times, we act like scare rabbits: run. Or at least that is what we'd prefer to do. Most of the times we don't, we choose to face our fears, willingly or with a little help from others (such as you in this case). I think you'll do just fine fitting in and helping them through this.

I hope everything turns out as well as possible.

7/05/2007 06:31:00 PM  
Blogger Yellow Leaves said...

I think that at such a time you're intruding, you're just simply being there for him and his family, it wouldn't be mistaken for anything else :)

allah yeshefi

7/06/2007 07:33:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

there is no doubt that you taking the chance and being there for them is better than not being there at all.

i hope everything turns out as well as possible and you support each other as much as you can.

7/06/2007 09:26:00 AM  
Blogger Me said...

Rabena m3aki LouLou...inshAllah you'll all get through this...and remember... one of your favourite doaas

اللهم لا سهل إلا ماجعلته سهلاً و أنت تجعل الحزن إن شئت سهلاً

7/06/2007 02:15:00 PM  
Blogger 2 B || ! 2 B ® said...

rabina mawgood bardo ya loulou, we isA kolo 7aykon lel 7'air, bas i think you should be joining him at least to support him not to show any sympathy or even thinking about getting along with anyone, in this situations no one will really have the time or the effort to think who is getting along and who is not, they will simply appreciate it..

rabina ma3aky we ma3ahom we kolo ye3ady be 7'air we salam isA.

7/06/2007 08:55:00 PM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

why do you fear not fitting in? were they against the marriage?

i think that it's in times like these that they will be most accepting. you are his wife and being there for him and the family will make a big difference.

don't worry... be there for him... let them see that caring ... that's what they need.. and HIM.

7/06/2007 11:10:00 PM  
Blogger Will E. said...

I don't think we have a choice or that we can compare which is worse.

7/07/2007 02:34:00 PM  
Blogger Jannah said...

you are already a very supportive person, inshAllah this will pass smoothly.I pray for them to be granted patience during this period and you'd both arrive safely inshAllah.

7/09/2007 02:10:00 AM  
Blogger SaRaH said...

I hope that your father in law gets better and you and your husband gets out of this stronger and closer to each other.. I know how it feels to have someone you care about sick and in an entirely differnt country you feel helpless and dying with guilt but trust me it would be fine ISA take good care of your self and your husband

7/16/2007 12:13:00 PM  

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