Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Why?

Him: Why do you lie so much?
Me : I do?
Him: You do.
Me : If that's what you really believe, you don't seem too upset about it.

He was silent for a moment - thinking about it.

Him: I guess not.
Me : Why not?
Him: Ma trodish 3ala so'ali bso'al. (Don't answer my question with a question.)
Me : Come on. Tell me.
Him: You tell me first.
Me : 7abibi please don't be mean. Pretty please? For my sake?
Him: Will you answer my question?
Me : I will. But you go first.
Him: Ok. Why doesn't it upset me that you lie to me? Hmm...I guess because most of the time I can see through it. You're a bad liar. That's kind of cute.
Me: Cute??!!!

And so on & so forth.

Ok so now I have to answer his question. I said I'd give him an answer tonight.

Why do I lie to him? It IS mostly him that I lie to these days. Infact I've thought & thought and I can't think of a single recent example of me actually telling anyone else a falsehood. The simple fact is with other people, there is little occasion for lying. I don't have to lie.

The people I've lied to most in my life are my parents & now my husband. There is less contact with my parents now so he's the current number one.

So when I lie, it's to the people I love most in the world.

With my husband, my memories of the lies I've told are not even that unpleasant. I don't remember them with great agnoies of guilt or anything like that. Infact, a lot of them make me smile now.

What does that say about me?

The earliest falsehood I remember with my husband was when I once tried to fake it in bed with him. Now he tends to be a little more adventurous than me. He always wants to try out something new. Usually I'm fine with it but once in while, something will just not work for me. Being a woman of strong feelings, if something doesn't work for me am not usually bored or apathetic about it. I flat out hate it. Never-want-to-do-it-or-hear-about-it-again kind of hate.

The first time that happened, I didn't know what to do. I had heard a lot about how fragile the sexual egos of men are, how if a woman tells them she didn't enjoy it, they are crushed and left feeling useless, less-than-men etc....For obvious reasons, I didn't want that to happen to him.

So the first reflex was to try to fake it. I gave it my best shot.

Suddenly he stops. I open my eyes to find him staring at my face for a moment. Then he bursts out laughing. It was the only time I ever saw him literally laugh til he cried.

He'd stop laughing & calm down for a minute then he'd splutter: Oh my God! The look on your face! What were you DOING?

And then he'd be off again. I thought he was going to die laughing that way.

I never tried the faking thing again. It was insane to think for a second that anything could possibly even puncture that gigantic ego of his.

I might also lie if:

1) I'm asked a question to which a truthful answer will make me look too hung up on him. Because I think it makes me look pathetic. I always thought it was pathetic when a woman was too hung up on her man.

Also, I know it tends to scare men off. The clinging vine thing, I mean.

It's just uncool so of course I try to make him think it's less than it actually is.

2) I'm jealous. I would never admit that. Never. So I invent other things to explain my jealousy-related mood swings.

3) I want him to like a close friend or relative better. I'll tell lies to both sides actually to make the people I love get along with each other.

4) I think it will make him like it here a little better. I love UAE. I would like to stay here a lot longer than he would. So I might embellish the truth a bit where I think it will improve his opinion of life here.

5) My maternal hormones are working overtime. I still get occasionally depressed about that. But I never admit it anymore. I just make up something if he asks me the reason why I'm down. Like a work problem or missing my parents.

I mean, what would be the point of discussing it with him? We tried to discuss it so many times & it never got us anywhere I want to be again. We've reached a point on this issue where I think there's nothing he can possibly say or do about it that wouldn't hurt me and hurt me a lot. Except maybe get me pregnant, like, yesterday. At times, I get so desperate about it that even the nine-months pregnancy period seems too long to wait before I can have a baby to look at & touch & love.

So enough really. Why bother talking anymore? I'd have to be a glutton for punishment.

So what answer shall I give him? The truth? Interesting contradiction no? Telling someone the truth about why you don't tell them truth?

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6 Comments:

Blogger Puppy said...

I think the better answer will be "I lie because i dont want little things to upset you".

Take Care

Puppy.

5/22/2007 11:01:00 PM  
Blogger khdood said...

sometimes your posts remind me so much of myself and my fiance... last time he called me kazabeh, i was lying about reading your blog. :) he thinks it adds undo drama to our lives, because i relate to your jealousy.

i once admitted that one particular relationship he had with one of his female friends bothered me (she was a new friend, and i didnt trust her character). Despite his usual desire to make me comfortable (as i try to do in turn), he refused to change any aspect of that relationship. so, now, when this girl bothers me, i have simply too much pride to bring her up again-- it was hard enough the first time, and like you wrote, it would be gluttony for torture to endure it again. somehow, though, he always knows when something is wrong... it's just a shame he relies on me to tell him what exactly.
most of the reasons you lie, i think you can share with your husband. some might even flatter him (and perhaps he'd think you're still lying.) the reason that you probably can't share is your maternal drive... and unfortunately, that's the one you probably should share the most. but we have egos too...

5/23/2007 05:13:00 AM  
Blogger Will E. said...

the bit about faking it is hilarious, just imagining it happening makes me laugh.

5/23/2007 01:19:00 PM  
Blogger Alina said...

Usually, I don't support lying. But seeing your reasons and the circumstances of these lies, I doubt anyone can blame you :)

5/23/2007 05:59:00 PM  
Blogger Hathor said...

Wow!! After reading this, I'd say that life is so complicated... :(

But rest reassured, each & everyone of us on this earth has his or her own 'Secret Garden' somewhere...

So, in my humble opinion, you're not a real liar,even when sometimes "Little Lies" are like ...Uhm!!(let me remember my chemisry classes), are like those "agent factors" that yield the expected "Result" of this complicated equation of life..

5/24/2007 09:18:00 PM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

the only thing about lying is that you have to remember all the lies you've told. i really don't support lying... i just think it can cause too many probs down the road. but i understand why you've lied about some things.

i will say this... i've noticed that a lot of women lie in this part of the world. i think most ppl lie, but there's something about lying here that is different. my MIL lies about the silliest of things as well as my SILs. i'd never dare to lie about the things they lie about. if my husband ever caught me doing that, there'd be serious probs.

so... i agree w/ puppy. or just tell the truth.

5/24/2007 09:44:00 PM  

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