Monday, April 23, 2007

Is it Just Me Or Does Everyone?

1) Have attacks of guilt for sometimes loving someone more than someone else? The husband more than the parents. A sibling more than another sibling. A parent more than the other. A best friend more than another best friend etc....

Does everyone go through what I go through trying to regulate my feelings and share them out so everyone gets what I think they deserve - and failing miserably? Is it just the Libran obssession with the scale getting to me?

2) Feel sadness over having lost their virginity? Sometimes I start thinking that I'll never be a virgin again and it makes me sad. I don't know. Like the end of an era or something.

My husband says it would have been a lot sadder if I had never lost it. Which is what he WOULD say. And insensitive as it might be, I do recognize the logic inherent in his argument.

But I still can't get rid of the feeling that I changed in some irreversible manner and will never be the same again etc.....

3) Write long, technical reports in their head? If it is an idea I'm excited about and can't wait to get started on, I can actually set out the entire report, title by title, paragraph by paragraph, complete with formatting and bulleting and tables as I lay in bed under my duvet staring at the ceiling for HOURS. I can picture preambles, conclusions, the table of contents and how I want it organized etc.....I can do detailed analysis, specs, BOQ's, I can draw flowcharts, models and diagrams in my head. I've been known to work a half-day in the weekend without getting out of bed. Sometimes without even opening my eyes.

While I am in the middle of that, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I have to finish it.

Then when I get up and start to type, it feels like typing something you've already written by hand. It takes no time and zero mindpower.

This is an eternal disappointment to my other half who tends to feel that if I am under the covers staring at the ceiling then I should be fantasizing about him and therefore expects to be regaled with detailed and creative sexual fantasies as soon as I come out of my reverie when all I want to do really is get to my keyboard and start typing before I forget everything.

I can only hope that our marriage will continue to survive the strain.


4) Actually enjoy dental floss? I do. I love cleaning my teeth with floss. It's something I do to relax. And I love cleaning my ears with cotton earpads too.

I can never picture life without my dental floss and my cotton earpads.

11 Comments:

Blogger tooners said...

i love flossing as well, and love ear cleaning. sometimes when i have an itch deep inside... i love to get the ear swab and clean away... it really feels good.

no wonder you have insomnia. i do the same thing and have been having a terrible time w/ insomnia as of late. last night didn't sleep until after 3 doing the same things you speak about here... altho my thoughts aren't about flow charts and detailed reports! ;) thankfully!! :)

i feel guilt over love when i think about it. so i just don't think about it... or wind up spending sleepless nights thinking about it... these are sometimes my flow charts.

4/23/2007 01:02:00 PM  
Blogger Insomniac said...

1- i think a lot of ppl experience that guilt from time to time, but i think ur libran nature makes u obsess about it more often, my sisters is just like u when it comes to that

2- never really thought about it!!

3- yeah, i do think of things to do all the times so that it won't take me much time when i start doing them, be it writing something or driving to various places in a way that would consume the least time, etc.

4- couldn't agree more :) ur husband must be proud of u because of the floss thingy :)))

4/23/2007 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger Maxxed`ouT said...

I suffer from the 1st

4/24/2007 03:46:00 AM  
Blogger Puppy said...

I had attack number one, only when i was in love with one prticular person. And i had a feeling that the love i had is more than to anyone in this life.
I dont have attacks about loving sibling, since i have only one. And i love her very much. About loving cousins not equally well... its not my fault at the end of the day:)

Puppy.

Your point 2, is strange. But it can be fixed if there is a big wish:)

No comments on point 3.

And i totally support you on point 4. I enjoy dental floss too. Sometimes too much that i dont mention that my gum started to bleed. Hope its not bad isnt it?

Have a nice day you are who you are, try to accept yourself. That is what i am doing. Trying to having harmony with myself.

4/24/2007 01:00:00 PM  
Blogger Alina said...

Well, I also start writing something only after having a clear and detailed version of it in my head. I've done that with tons of articles, projects and reports for school. If I have no ideas and I only have to get it done, it takes a lot more of my time.

Floss and ear pads. Well they are part of a bigger picture: pampering myself. You know, the time you take out of a crazy schedule to take a long shower, to shampoo, use conditioner and hair masks and whatever else on your hair, to just relax and put your thoughts in order for the next day.

4/24/2007 01:40:00 PM  
Blogger Zed-tastic said...

too much thinking, not enough enjoying!!
just my two cents.

4/25/2007 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger Will E. said...

It's just you.. get some help.

4/25/2007 03:42:00 AM  
Blogger Rambling Hal said...

Hee hee! I totally relate to number 4, but I think numbers 1, 2 and 3 are uniquely you! I would certainly not mind suffering from number 3. Man, think how much time it saves!

4/26/2007 08:58:00 AM  
Blogger SaRaH said...

Well I did relate to everything except the last point Oh c'mon dental floss and ear pads a bit weird don't you think??

4/26/2007 11:00:00 PM  
Blogger roora said...

Loulou,

" Is it just the Libran obssession with the scale getting to me? "

I am with you in this point number 1 and i am typical like you. I started to feel that it has to do with libra cause I think like you. and I think a lot like you, I remember you:)

4/30/2007 12:18:00 AM  
Blogger Me said...

I can totally relate to No. 1...feel that I love little bro more than big bro... it kills me..

And WOW, mashAllah abt No. 3 !! I do something like that ... I may think abt certain points... but not WHOLE reports ... WOW again !!!

5/01/2007 02:35:00 PM  

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