Sunday, January 28, 2007

A Corpse, A Vegetable or An Imbecile

Me : 7abibi?(My love?)
Him: Ma t2oolish 7abibi(Don't say 7abibi). Ana mish 7abib 7ad.(I'm nobody's love.)
Me : Laish tayeb?(But why?)
Him: Kida. Ana 2arfan minik asasan.(He's saying he's pissed off/sick at/of me.)
Me : Come on. You think this is easy for me? I'm frustrated too.
Him: Inti tistahli. Ana zanbi eh?(He's saying I deserve it but he doesn't.)
Me : Ana astahil?(I deserve it?)
Him: Allah mish di afkarik elnayara?(Isn't this your bright idea?) Ishrabi ba2a (Don't complain).
Me : Allah yisam7ak.(God forgive you)
Him: Ya sitti. Allah yisami7na kolina.(God forgive us all.)
Me : Tayeb hat bosa. (Ok give me a kiss.)
Him: La ana khalas mish batbas.(No I don't want to kiss anymore)
Me : Na3am? So you're saying you want to have sex with me without even kissing me first?
Him: Mana ba2ali isboo3 mi2adeeha bos(He's saying he's done nothing but kiss me for a week now). That's not enough foreplay for you? Da inti moftariya.

Which made me laugh so hard I inadvertently scratched his arm.

Him: La ba2oolik eh dawafrik 3ashan bagheer wana lama bagheer bastaghba.(He's telling me to watch my nails because he's ticklish/oversensitive & won't be responsible for his actions etc...)

Being scratched really turns him on. I think he harbors secret fantasies about felines or something.

Me : Sorry.

He pulled me close. Forgetting what he said about kissing, he kissed me.

He went back to switching TV channels with me in his arms. Was fairly content with that for a while. Then I wanted another kiss. Said so.

Him: Eh wana mish lissa mideeki wa7da? (Didn't I just give you a kiss?)
Me : Please.
Him(kissing me): Khalas kifaya 3laiki kida(Ok that's enough.). Masma3sh sotik tani.(Not another word out of you.)
Me : Please don't be mad at me. I just don't want you to hurt yourself.
Him: Hurt myself how?
Me : I mean if we have sex before you're completely recovered.
Him: Leh inshallah(Why)? Nayem ma3 bulldozer(Am I sleeping with a bulldozer)?
Me : Well I can be a bit rough.
Him: 7abibi, inti how much do you weigh? 60 kg?
Me : 62.
Him: Ya3ni ana law ka7ait titeeri(So if I cough you'll be airborne). O3odi sakta bas(Just be quiet, ok?).
Me : Luckily for you, I am not that weightless.
Him: Luckily leh? Da inti tnawareeni. Min fo2 wala ta7t , ay itigah ya3ni kolo fol.
Me(warningly): K?
Him(all confused innocence): Yes dear?
Me : Behave yourself.
Him: Yes Mother. Ba3dain ta3ali hina. How do you know I'm not completely recovered?
Me : Are you going to work tomorrow?
Him: No.
Me : Did you go for your swim today?
Him: No.
Me : Did you go to Friday prayer yesterday?
Him: No.
Me : I rest my case.

Silence.

Me : Look, I'm just scared ok?
Him: 3arif ana film elro3b illy inta m3ayisha nafsik feeh(He says he knows the horror flick I like to live in). What can I say? You're a hypochondriac.
Me : You know I really don't appreciate attempts to make me sound like a hysterical female who just imagined your illness.
Him: And I really don't appreciate it when I AM sick & people treat me like a corpse, a vegetable or an imbecile. If I say I feel up to something, I expect you to listen.
Me : Fine.
Him(suspiciously): Howa eh illy fine?(What's fine?)
Me : I get the message. My concern for you is something you see as a burden. Fine. I will try to control it. Or at least to keep it to myself.
Him: Thank you.
Me(crying at this point) : And if you still want to have sex, it's ok. Just not right now. I need time to calm down.
Him: Yeah, I'd say the mood is pretty much shot to hell right now. Take all the time you need.
Me : Thanks. Can you let me go now? I need to be by myself.

Funny but I was in his arms the whole time. I can't believe he can talk to me like that when he's holding me. Or that I let him hold me while he did it.

This is a convo where I started out laughing and ended up crying. I've written most of it down and everytime I read it, it hurts more.

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It struck me today that he and I have had fights over practically every significant issue or event in our life together so far. My miscarriage, his illness, his friends, my social life, finances, parenthood etc...Everything seems to strain our communication lines. And the area of 'landmines' or issues we have to skirt around or avoid altogether because they're too sensitive or explosive - that area keeps growing between us. I don't know where this ends. Will we run out of things to fight about at some point & finally have some peace? Or will we run out of patience with each other first?

It was so much easier before we got married. And the saddest part is - I think we're more in love now than we were then. Isn't it sad when the more you fall in love, the harder it is to understand each other?

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9 Comments:

Blogger H.O.P.E said...

Hi Loulou..

Alf salamah 3ala K..

Usually the first year of marriage is the toughest. It takes time for two people's lives to intertwine and for each to adjust to the other. It's one thing when dating but it's a whole other story when u wake up every morning and he's there and go to sleep @ nite and he's still there.

Even though I've been away from my hubby for a year..we've still managed to fight over EVERYTHING! Marriage is an amazing thing..there a hate-luv relationship with it..but it takes patience and perseverance and inshallah things will be fine. Men are big babies..we can either deal with it or not...it's each one's choice :)

Isa things will be fine..u just be the adult in the relationship..coz we all know women are more mature than men..plus men just NEVER get it. I always tell my hubby that..I'm constantly shaking my head and telling him 'u just don't get it'..but what can I do? Such is life :)

1/28/2007 08:50:00 AM  
Blogger SaRaH said...

Well love is not the most easiest thing to understand and I am sure K appreciates your concern, but men hate it when they feel that they are sick or weak and so they try to act more macho than usual. Take it easy on yourself dear. you know he loves you and appreciates your concern. I do not mean to be insenstive But I have to say It is helerious the way you joke with each other.

1/28/2007 09:57:00 AM  
Blogger Alina said...

Lou, you did not feel this before because you did not live together. Or at least this is how I see it. Until you live with a person, you only partially know him. It is difficult, there are occasional fights, but once things settle down, you will find it easier to understand each other and discuss certain issues.

1/28/2007 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger Will E. said...

Okay, here's the thing.. it's a matter of you not believing your man when he tries to comfort you or say not to worry. You put yourself in awkward situations and there's just nothing he can do to help you out cause you don't want to help yourself out.

I'm not sure you'd be able to answer this question, "What exactly do you want to happen?" .. it's dangerous if you know exactly how you want him to react and it's even more dangerous if no scenario can satisfy you.

You see sometimes men may have passion for their partner, but their partners give them such a hard time that they're trapped between being annoyed and affectionate.

My most significant advice here is 'CHILL' and don't interpret things in the worst possible of ways.

1/29/2007 01:38:00 AM  
Blogger Carmen said...

I echo Will E.'s sentiment: CHILL. I wish I could tell you how many times I've seen my mother and my father spat over things like this. Men have an ego that's the size of a mountain sometimes.

1/29/2007 03:35:00 AM  
Blogger tooners said...

i think will e. is right on... i think sometimes one can make things TOO complicated... try not to go down that route.

1/30/2007 09:57:00 PM  
Blogger 2 B || ! 2 B ® said...

ka2eeeeeeeba bas fee 2amal feeki:)

and no more comments :P

2/02/2007 11:28:00 PM  
Blogger 2 B || ! 2 B ® said...

ka2eeeeeeeba :)

and no more comments :P

2/02/2007 11:32:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

2 B || ! 2 B ®,

"ka2eeeeeeeba :)"

Yes I know I come off this sounding like a party-pooper but I can't help it. I WAS worried about him and I'm glad we waited until he was better. Guilt-free sex is so much better.:)

2/03/2007 05:18:00 PM  

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