Wednesday, July 13, 2005


After all my fine words about matchmaking & arranged marriages here I am seriously contemplating doing exactly that. The two candidates I have in mind are my friend D. (K.'s patient) & my uncle T.(the one who thinks I have no roots).

It's an especially odd time for me to be thinking of this now because D. & I aren't talking. In Dubai we were discussing the way companies in the construction/industrial/oil sectors exploit their laborers & technicians. She is a safety engineer so she started explaining about some of the policies at her company that she doesn't like because they're serious hazards to the people who work in those areas & the difficulties she's facing in getting the management to implement proper safety procedures etc..... And I kept coming back with suggestions about what more she could have done. Was getting a bit obssessive I guess because I can't handle this modern slavery. It's so unfair. To import poor people from poor countries to make them work in conditions you wouldn't have your own citizens working in. I mean D. said that in one construction site she had to work on 8 people died in accidents that were all completely preventable.

Anyway she got offended because she felt I was being too hard on her - suggesting she wasn't doing her job. Later K. told me that it's not fair to expect her to save the world. Was that what I was doing?Didn't mean to. Just hate it when unfair & inhumane things are accepted as a fait accompli & become the norm.

So why do I want her to get together with T.?Well he is looking right now. Has been for a while. Today he came over for lunch & he was feeling kind of discouraged, like he'll never find the right person. He started making complaints saying women are crazy, they do this or they do that. And of course I got into the argument & started telling him that the fault was really his for not trying hard enough & being too picky etc....And I managed to piss him off too. He said that am always too critical & am forgetting that he's my uncle(even though he's only 4 years older) & not showing enough respect etc....

So am I trying to match them because they're the two people I pissed off?

Well it gives them something in common right?They can cry on each other's shoulders about the way I abuse them. That should break the ice no?

Seriously though the reason I thought of it was that when I was arguing with my uncle about the shortcomings of women I kept using her as an example of someone who doesn't do whatever it was he was complaining about. She just kept popping into my mind. It was weird. He'd say something & I'd say well not all women D. wouldn't do things that way & he'd say ok maybe she's the exception now I wonder maybe she IS what he is looking for.

The other thing is I worry about D. a lot. On the outside she looks & acts kind of tough but inside she is very gentle & sensitive & romantic. She keeps falling for real jerks who happen to be sweet-talkers. Hate to see her get hurt again & again & waste years of her life on people who just aren't worth it. At least I know for sure T. would take care of her. He wouldn't abuse her better nature like some of the people she keeps stumbling on.

If am ever on speaking terms with him again, maybe I should try to talk to him about her a bit more?Just to see if he'll get interested?And maybe I can do the same with her?

They've met at my place a few times & at a couple of family weddings. Didn't see an instant spark or anything. But that could be because they had no chance to sit & talk & really get to know each other.

I have a feeling they would be good together. But there are issues:

1)T. is Morrocan & D. is Palestinian. Nationality is not a big deal in my family but I think it might be in hers. Her parents are very close family friends but I don't know if this will be enough to persuade them to overlook the nationality issue. If she marries him she'll have to live in Casablanca at the end. I don't see him moving to the West Bank. Again how will her family take this?

2)T. is divorced with one child. She might have a problem with this. If she doesn't her parents might.

3)She's the type who falls hard & fast. He's not. He's really picky after his first experience. Am worried she'll fall for him & then wind up getting really hurt if he doesn't feel the same or if he does but her parents refuse him.

So?What do you guys think?Is it worth a try?



Blogger doshar said...

that is very considerate of you as a friend and as a niece. i am sure if D. reads your post she will never be upset with you again. it shows that you really love and care for her. if u are still not talking, khosara with all this friendship.
about the matchmaking thing; no. 3 of your concerns is the one i really worry about. if she is really close to you, and if she gets hurt by your uncle, it might be awkward for you and your friendship. it will have to be a risk.
maybe you can tell him to take it easy with her and not pour out all his charm at once, and not to show any interest or emotions that he doesn't really feel. i am guessing if you do it under close observation from you, it might just work. worth a try to make too people you love happy.

7/14/2005 02:40:00 AM  
Blogger haal said...

A definite NO go.

7/14/2005 06:04:00 AM  
Blogger LouLou said...


"if u are still not talking, khosara with all this friendship.

Don't worry. It's not like this is our first fight ever. Am sure it will pass.

"maybe you can tell him to take it easy with her and not pour out all his charm at once, and not to show any interest or emotions that he doesn't really feel."

Wasn't thinking of telling either of them anything. Just throwing them together, maybe talk to them about each other & see if something happens.Wouldn't actually say am trying to set you guys up. Don't think they'd like that.

7/14/2005 05:57:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...

"A definite NO go."

Why so definite?That's not like you haal.

7/14/2005 05:58:00 PM  
Blogger Twosret said...

"Just throwing them together"

That is all what you need to do nothing more really. Not even a word :)

Sabah el Fol :)

7/15/2005 08:41:00 AM  
Blogger Mohamed said...

I say fix 'em up, what have you got to lose? except maybe your friend and your uncle :) I love this stuff.

7/16/2005 11:36:00 PM  
Blogger haal said...

a definit no go because it wont work from many levels, so why bother. probably ur female friend will not welcome the suggestion and say something like, 'oh i thought you knew what i want better....'

Doesnt sound like me? really! hehe... U bet!

7/17/2005 11:58:00 PM  
Blogger LouLou said...


"Doesnt sound like me? really! hehe... U bet!

Just don't expect absolute, black or white answers from you. Got used to looking for the hidden meanings:)

So no because you think it won't work not because you're opposed to the principle?

Don't want to be in a position to be blamed by either one of them. Wasn't going to say anything. Just give them more exposure to each other in a casual way. If there is a spark it's up to them to weigh the pros & cons & make a decision. If not then neither one of them need ever know.

"probably ur female friend will not welcome the suggestion and say something like, 'oh i thought you knew what i want better....'

You know I find that when a woman is successful, educated, cultured, well-read, well-travelled etc... it really narrows down her choices when it comes to marriage no?Everyone expects you to find someone on the same 'level' & how many of those are around? And there are also class issues here. If you're all of these things then your family is usually a bit elitist. Maybe you are too.

So yes there are 2 cons here(nationality & divorce) but her choice is not between him & 'what she wants'. It's between him & other people who also have 2 or 3 or 4 cons in others areas that she also wants.That sort of thing is her call not mine.All I can do is try to give her more/better options because I know that as a person he's likely to treat her better than any of her other choices - if he does like the idea of course.

Everyone else I know is either already married/engaged/in love or they're happy being single.Those 2 are not happy being single at all so they might be my only chance to ever have a shot at matchmaking:)

7/18/2005 07:55:00 AM  

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