Love is A Many Splendoured Thing.....
Probably that's why it's so complicated. It has so many different aspects to it. You have to click on so many different levels.
Am falling in love. And am frightened.
First because am in a transitional period of my life. Am leaving this country soon. So is my family. To make a commitment here would mean such a big change of plans. Never thought of this place as a permanent home. And none of my previous relationships were with people who did. Always made sure we had similar plans for the future.
But this one happened so suddenly. Another new experience. I've fallen in love once with my cousin & once with an old friend. In both cases they were familiar faces. It wasn't love at first sight.
We only met 3 months ago. Last night he called from work at about 10 & we talked for half an hour. Then he said he was really tired could he go home & sleep for 2 hours & then call me. I said ok. Was sleepy but I was afraid that if I fell asleep I wouldn't hear the phone. So I didn't. And he called at around 1:30 in the morning & now it's 6 o'clock in the morning & I just got off the phone with him.
3 months & we talk all night. This is not me. Am so incredibly impressed with him. More than I've ever been with anyone before - except maybe my father. Impressed to the point where I feel inadequate somehow. But tonight it hit me that it's not just a case of being charmed & impressed. Not if I give up my sleep & stay up all night to talk to him. Could've just told him to call me in the morning. It's what I would have done with anybody else.
It scares me because it's too fast. Can't get this involved yet. There's so much he still doesn't know about me. Love shouldn't happen like this. You should get to know each other well then accept each other for who you are and THEN fall in love.Not fall in love first & then wonder will he still love me if I tell him this or that.
Are we rushing into this because we both sense that my time here is so limited?Is this why we try to spend every waking hour together - if not in person then on the phone?
Are we crazy to be talking about love so soon?
posted by LouLou @ 5:44 AM
10 Comments:
I think its not soon and its not love yet. Its one of the most exciting periods of a relationship, when you're charmed and attracted, yet don't know everything about each other, and is eager and can't have enough of each other.
Just enjoy it, but make sure he's the right guy before going deeper.
The first rule of love is that it actually has no strict rules! Yes, it takes time to know someone and be sure that he is the right one for you. But this is a mind thing, not a feeling thing. When you fall in love, your brain may tell you it's too fast, but it just might happen!
I am the kind of person that needs time to know, love and trust a person, but it seems the opposite of that is not that bad actually. I friend of mine met a guy and married him in three month's time. Their first anyversery is next in two moths and they are completely happy!
I know I sound a bit contradictory, but hey, love is contradictory! :)) You should not rush things, true, but don't fight against it (choose fear to fihgt against) unless you have a very good reason (and if you're decided to leave, now that might be a good reason.
Ok so you both think am not necessarily crazy but I should exercise caution. Fair enough. It's what I think too.At least it's what I think when I'm not with him & I'm attacked by all these doubts & insecurities. When I'm with him I'm just happy & I forget them. Could this be why I haven't actually discussed them with him?
'Impressed to the point where I feel inadequate somehow.'
This is an interesting statment, Loul.
Morning Haal,
You know I wasn't aware that I had actually put that thought into words. It just came out. I should read what I post.
But yes I do feel both inadequate & insecure.
I agree this stage of endless talking is a great one. But this statment of yours was just out of place, not matching the intimacy and closeness you were describing. It also seems that you are someone else when you are with him on the phone and some inner feelings start to come up--either you are too comfortable around him or you are totally uncomfortable but just in the state of being 'impressed' so you are not paying extra attention to these feelings of 'inadequat, insecure' to show--something that I guess you don't like to feel or show... judging from this personality that I sense from how you express yourself on the blog.
Maybe I just over-read, speculating.
Haal,
Inadequacy is something you feel when you meet someone who has strength in areas you know are your weaknesses. It's not necessarily a bad feeling. I find it uplifting that someone can succeed at things I find difficult & make it look so easy. It means there's hope if I make an effort I can do it too no?
Intimacy/closeness can be a little scary sometimes if it happens faster than you're used to. Sometimes he'll ask me a question & I'll find myself telling him things without thinking then later I'll feel I talked too much. On some level am very comfortable with him but on another level I feel it's wrong to be be this comfortable with someone I only met 3 months ago.
Insecurity is because am becoming emotionally dependant too quickly. It's one thing to find someone interesting, enjoy his company, feel curious about him. It's quite another thing to find myself looking for him all the time.That's overwhelming.
As for being someone else with him, it is his influence on me. He is more relaxed, more comfortable with his feelings & our relationship so when I'm with him it rubs off on me.Things just seem a lot simpler.
these are very strong feelings, but i think they are more attachment and infatuation. in the sense that you can feel very close because you can tell him anythng, be careful some guys are very good at that. they break all the barriers very quickly to get close and yet they could be emotionally still on the safe side.
the case kayla talked about, i think they are ok not because they love each other so, but they were lucky enough to be compatible too.
just take it easy, he sounds so like someone i knew that i am really scared for you. some guys are almost professional at getting a giirl hooked on them. try to probe about what is worrying you now, and more importantly, about how he feels about you and what he intends to do.
i was in a situation once like this,but by the time i was supposed to ask these questions, i was actually too hooked to be able to leave if the answer didn't fit the agenda.
so when i finally did ask, i did not get the answer i wanted, and yet i was too hooked to leave. and i was abused beyond belief. i was in a situation where i already know the answer, i don't like it, and i can't leave because
1. i was very young (19) and so quite unwise and weak
2.the guy wouldn't leave me alone either, he just stayed around as"friends" but in fact was being much more, he just wouldn't admit it and so i couldn't push him away
3. because i was so hooked and blind i thought that he might come around, also i didn't see him as a bad guy who was way too manipulative and taking advantage of my emotions.
it wasn't until someone else he did the same thing to, by accident met me and told me about him (yes like in the movies)
and she was the one who pointed out he was a jerk, and only then could i leave. becaareful, he sounds so similar to your guy!!
Anonymous,
I don't think it's reasonable to accuse him of manipulating me. Am not a child & he's not forcing me into anything.It's not the poor guy's fault if I like him more than I want to!
He doesn't even know I have all these misgivings because I haven't told him yet.
Your experience was a very negative example & I'm glad you're over it. But as you said you were 19.
Am not worried because I have some conspiracy theory about his trying to do me harm.Am just nervous because I'm an emotionally reserved person & am not comfortable with feeling vulnerable or dependant before I've had my time.
hi lolo , i hope that that things would work out for you in the good and fine way and to be really happy.
i dont know much of your pesonality , it is the first time for me to read for you this post.
well what i felt is that you are emotional , i might be like you , the words you descibe the way you feel , might be close from the way i may feel happy tpwards some one , it just catched my eyes these words" It's one thing to find someone interesting, enjoy his company, feel curious about him. It's quite another thing to find myself looking for him all the time.That's overwhelming." that you wrote
i know how it feels but i just want you to beaware that in your situation you will BE Either totally happy or totally Hurt, ,i hope that this wont be the case. people who are too emotional , they get shocked quickly and they keep impressed by the person also quickly, enshaaAllah things would be fine with you and he would be a good guy.
Just please as mohamed and anomynous told you , be aware that he is the right guy before the impressing period os gone , use your mind , beside your emotional excitement with the person , before the phase is gone. and as anomynous said you have to set ground rules for this relationshio i am not saying he is a bad guy , No , you know him better, but it is the best for everybody concern to set down the rules of the relation what he is planning for , and whther he is serious or not,the earlier the better, can i ask you soemthing did he say valid that can be taken as a commitment ? i wish you the best and you can pray estekhara prayer ISA for the best , i always do it and elhamdLAlh things go in the way that God sees fine elhamdAllah.
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