Yesterday

Yesterday after work I found myself driving to our old building. Just completely forgot that anything has changed. Didn't remember until I was actually in the carpark. Sat there looking at the building for a while & teared up a little. It's too much. Someone else in my Mom's office. Someone else in my Dad's. And other people in our house. And in my brother's house. You'd never believe that my family lived in this place for 26 years. It's like they were never even here.

Called my Mom. At first she was worried but then I told her where I was & what happened. She has this really cute habit of telling me off for crying when she is crying herself & naturally am not allowed to point that out. She sent me home with advice that I shouldn't get myself & my husband down with these mood swings because men like cheerful women etc....If she only knew the mood swings he's had to cope with from me.

Drove home still feeling something heavy in my chest. When I got in he was getting ready to go back to work. That sucks. That when I get home from work he's usually on his way out or he's already left to go back to work. Was really relieved to have caught him though even it was only for a few minutes. Couldn't face the prospect of coming home to an empty apartment yesterday especially. Gave him a hug & a kiss hello then hung around while he finished getting dressed & left.

As soon as I closed the door behind him the sadness came back to me. Tried to shake it off by keeping busy. Had my shower, changed into jeans & t-shirt, did some odds & ends around the house. Then I heated up some food & sat down to eat infront of the TV. Didn't work. Couldn't eat a bite. Didn't want to eat alone.

In the end I decided to go out & do some Valentine's Day shopping. Finally managed to shake off the depression. Finished & looked at my watch. 7:00pm. And he won't be home til 9. Went home to drop off my shopping. Then I got on the phone. Remembered that I haven't actually called anyone since I got back from the honeymoon. So I called everyone. Was on the phone for an hour. Then I went out for a walk on the Corniche with some friends. Lost track of time until he called at around 9:30pm. He said I guess we're going out to eat tonight. He must have noticed that I didn't cook. Totally forgot actually. Told him yeah or we could order if he was tired. He said no let's go out. He asked if I was ready & we could just meet there or did I want to come home & change for dinner. Told him that I wanted to change & anyway I didn't have my car with me. Suddenly I was really hungry. Because of the walk & also because I skipped lunch.

It was nice going out on the town with him again. Just like old times when we were still dating. Dinner & dancing. Had a flash of depression when I realized this was our first time out together since we got back from the honeymoon. Don't know why. Didn't like that so much time was wasted. Told him that. He said no we have all the time in the world & that I should relax & enjoy myself instead of worrying about it. My hero. I liked it that he didn't nag at me for having been away there even though I'd given him an opening. Or about what I was wearing like I was expecting him to. Commented on both. He said that I seemed a bit down today & he was just trying to cheer me up.

Cool so now I know that I can get away with anything if I just manage to look pathetic & forlorn enough. Have already noticed that tears seem to work very well with him. Still one must use one's weapons with wisdom.

He was really sweet last night. I won't forget it.