Everyone told me that I would experience cravings while pregnant. But the reverse is happening. I am going off an increasing number of foodstuffs. It's not that I have no appetite. That's all in the past now. I still wake up feeling nauseaous in the morning but it goes away as soon as I get up and start moving about.
But I can't eat pizza anymore for example. We would order a pizza with all my favorite toppings from my favorite restaurant and I would be starving. But the minute I take a bite and see that sticky mozarella stretching out all white it just feels icky and I don't want it anymore. Still hungry though so we wind up having to order something else for me.
It happens when we go to restaurants too. I used to love sweet and sour sauce. Sweet and sour chicken was one of my favorite chinese dishes. And spring rolls dipped in sweet and sour sauce. But last night we went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner and I ordered my usual. Hot and sour veggie soup for starters and then sweet and sour chicken. And the same thing happened. I took one bite of my chicken and suddenly the sweet flavor was sickly.
Lost in conversation with my husband though, I pushed the chicken dish aside and just ate the rice side dish. When I finished that, I was still hungry. So I tried to eat the chicken again. And again I couldn't manage more than one bite.
K: Eh? Mabtaklish leh? (Why aren't you eating?)
Me: Ma3rifsh. Jo3ana. (Don't know. Am hungry.)
K: Tab koli. (So eat)
Me (feeling bad because I keep doing this): I don't know. I don't think I like sweet and sour anymore.
K: Wala yihimik(Don't worry). Wanna try mine?
So we shared his food. And once we were done with it, we were both still hungry. So he ordered one more of the same. And because I wasn't sure I wanted more seafood, he ordered a couple more dishes just to make sure something will work for me.
The waiter must have thought we were nuts. I love my husband for not getting impatient when I do this because it seems to get on a lot of other people's nerves.
I also can't seem to eat anything I cooked myself. It's like once I see, touch and smell raw food, I can't get those sensations out of my mind. So when it's all cooked up and ready to eat it still tastes and smells raw to me. So we sometimes wind up having to order food after I've cooked.
Other foods I can't eat anymore:
1) Chocolate cake.
2) Vanilla ice cream.
4) Eggs of all types.
No.5 we learnt because of Eid. In keeping with religious ritual and tradition, we slaughtered a lamb yesterday. I don't mean we actually did it. My husband went out and bought one and had it slaughtered and carved up and brought the meat home. And with help from my aunt, cousins and friends, I cooked most of the meat. One third of it had to be given away to the poor so my husband took it to the mosque. The other third we gave away to family and friends. He also delivered those house to house.
The last portion is supposed to be ours. But it is still too much food for just the two of us. And my husband doesn't eat frozen meat so deep-freezing any of it wasn't really an option. So in keeping with tradition, we had both my uncles, their wives, my cousins, my friends, his friends and their partners/spouses for lunch.
I did most of the cooking but couldn't eat a bite of lamb. Wound up having the soup, salad and some rice. And then lots of deserts. Thank god I didn't make any of the Eid sweets!
I don't know if it was the lamb or the fact that I had to cook it myself. But after yesterday, I just find the idea of lamb completely unappetizing.
At this rate, with 4 months to go, I'll find myself with a ravenous appetite and nothing known to man that I can actually bear to put in my mouth.
In other news, me and my baby are getting to be quite good friends. I can now hear the heartbeat quite clearly at the doctor's. My husband even thinks he can hear it sometimes if he puts his head to my stomach.
And this baby looks a lot more human now in the scans. I can see the fingers of both hands which is really cute and just makes my heart turn over. I feel even more strongly now that it's a boy. We don't know the gender yet officially but I mean, he just LOOKS like a little boy to me.
It's more than a little frustrating that my visa wasn't finalized before the holidays because now with so many holidays, it is unlikely anything final will be completed before next year. K and I decided that if we don't get to leave in the next month or so, we want to wait until after the baby is born. It's a long flight and neither one of us wants to chance it if I am further along than 7 months. Most airlines don't allow you to fly if you're 6 or 7 months along anyway. I don't really like the idea of going into labor in-flight - particularly not premature labor.
At any rate, we have now been officially informed that my application is approved. It is showing as approved on the website. But we still have to wait to receive some papers in the mail and then get an appointment for one more interview at the embassy.
It's good because it means I might not have to change doctors. I am really comfortable with my doctor and wasn't looking forward to having to get used to someone new so late in the pregnancy.
But it is tough on my husband though because there are frequent rows with his sister for not taking care of their parents as she should. She means well really. She's a good kid and she loves her parents. She is just not very disciplined. And K is extremely disciplined so they clash over things like missed doctor's appointments and her taking the car and going out with her friends all day and leaving her mother stuck at home with no car in bad weather etc....Stuff like that. Sometimes I think he is being too tough on her. To the point where she might just get intimidated and bail out and leave it all to him. And other times, I really have to share his frustration. Mostly I try to keep the peace.
There's an underlying fear that something bad will happen over there while he is here with me. And that he might then never forgive me for being the cause of his not being there.
There is also sadness because I can't go out and decorate a room for my baby. I see so much adorable baby stuff and I would have wanted the perfect nursery. But what's the point in doing that here when we're leaving either before or immediately after the birth?
We will be staying with his parents for the forseeable future. At least until we find a buyer for his house so we can buy something closer to them. Property markets worldwide aren't great at the moment so that maybe sometime. And I accepted that without complaint. It felt like the least I could do for him, given how well he is taking care of me and how worried he is about his parents.
But the idea of leaving the apartment we got married in to go and live in a room - or even a couple of rooms - in somebody else's house is still hard to accept. Last time we were there, privacy was such an issue that I was scared of having sex incase we were overheard which would have been mortifying to me. I mean, who wants to be overheard by your in-laws? That's such a passion-killer.
Even private conversations, we would be whispering inside our room sometimes. The rooms on the top floor are all so close together. I mean, after having this big apartment to ourselves, that is going to be one big adjustment.
I have to admit that dealing with his father's condition from such close quarters is also something I am dreading. Last time, I found it difficult to even be in his father's room. I hope I will be strong enough to help as much my husband needs me to.
I know he is feeling bad about everything I am having to give up because of his family situation. And what I've said to him is that as long as we can stay together I will put up with anything and do my best to help and not be in the way.
I mean it too. I know my new situation is going to take some getting used to but the bottom line is I will do it for him. Everytime I feel that flutter in my belly I think I would do anything for the man who is responsible for it. Anything, that is, except let him get away from me again.
Labels: Love, Motherhood