Eid Mubarak Everyone
Ramadan is behind us. And I am now 3 months pregnant. Plus a few days.
I had a scan on Sunday which was a bit of a disappointment really. The doctor tells me the scan confirms that everything is ok and this is a relief of course. Every extra bit of reassurance helps.
But I guess I was expecting the baby to look more like a baby. What I saw looked like a grainy, black and white modern art drawing that could have been a surreal representation of the profile of a baby's upper body - or anything really. And I couldn't make out movement which scared me a bit.
But the doctor kept saying the baby WAS moving and I just couldn't see it. That was frustrating.
I mean yeah, the whole picture was sort of floating back and forth but I was looking for a hand or head movement or something more distinctly human.
I was expecting to feel a sense of recognition, to see a little boy. And there was nothing like that.
The doctor kept up a running commentary all about how perfect everything was. I think she was expecting me to be more excited. I felt bad because I wasn't. I guess it was a just a case of expectations having been set too high.
Anyhow, at least you could clearly tell there IS something in my uterus - even if you couldn't tell exactly what. And the doctor says everything is as it should be at this stage. I must be satisfied with that for now.
I can't wait for my next scan though. Anything more that I see then will be an improvement!
K was on the phone with me in the car all the way to my appointment. I had to give up my cell when I was taken in for the scan and I kind of missed him. I got back on the line with him immediately after though. And my doctor spoke with him. They're getting to be good friends now. She is Egyptian. She didn't realize my husband was Egyptian until he got worried about my not-so-great blood test results and decided to give her a call about 2 weeks ago. Now she keeps talking about how she has to take extra care of me because I am carrying an Egyptian baby etc....but she is only joking really. She is a great doctor who comes highly recommended by my mother and she's been taking care of me physically and emotionally since the day I met her. She was really concerned for me when she realized I was on my own here with no family and no husband.
I mean, I have a doctor I speak to on the phone everyday, who drops by to see me and then refuses to let me pay for the house visit. When she wanted me to stop fasting, she actually came over on Friday morning and brought me a homecooked meal and sat there watching me while I ate it. And she was fasting!
Plus she puts up with all the anxious calls she has to take from my parents and my husband and is always really nice to them.
My only gripe is that she has a really dirty sense of humor which makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. But other than that, I mean how lucky can I get? I am really going to miss her when I leave. I would have loved to have stayed with her until the baby is born.
K says he wants me to send him my scan pics but I know him too well. He only asked that because he thinks I want him to ask and because I give him such a hard time when he fails to show an interest in these things. Or when he shows more interest in nude photos of me.
Anyway, I'm not sure I want him to see this scan. I want his first sight of the baby to be more exciting than this. He still acts like I am going through some sort of health crisis that he needs to support me through as part of the the Husband of The Year role he finds himself cast in.
So I haven't sent them and he hasn't asked again. If I had promised to send him a new nude photo, I would have been getting 2 or 3 emails a day, asking where it is. He's so intensely curious about the fact that my body is changing. Finds it a huge turn-on. It was amusing at first but really, when is he going to grow up and stop treating our future off-spring as nothing more than (depending on his mood):
a) His new favorite pin-up
b) A drain on my good health
But I should stop being mean. Eid is really tough on him and his family with his father incapacitated and unable to take part in it - especially because my FIL is the kind of person who used to enjoy making really big events of occasions like Ramadan and Eid. I spoke with my MIL last night and it was heartbreaking to hear her. Unlike her son, she is really excited about my pregnancy and I am happy it's cheering her up a little. Me and her have actually had the baby names conversation I haven't so far managed to interest my husband in. For her sake, I am considering naming the baby after my FIL. Surprisingly enough for an Arab family, none of the grandkids are named after FIL.
Why am I so sure it will be a boy? That can't be healthy. At this rate, I might actually feel disappointed if the baby is a girl. It will definitely feel weird. Ever since the miscarriage, I've been visualizing little boys with dark eyes, tanned skin and K's smile. I just can't see myself with a daughter. Or even a little boy with my coloring. Yuck.